10/13/2019
Helloooo yall wanna-dress-the-same-but-still-be-imperfect
Mmmm, its about 85 percent of the time when thinking about my past ventures threw this miserable yet short stimulating life I csll my own....
Then comes around all the badass shows I've been too and thinking of my first concert d.o.a and getting my photo shot with Joey...f**k I think I was 11 there..and I wouldn't have made it past 21 if it wasn't the magical forces of the universe, that made Horse and I meet..(I swear, don't even talk to me during the month of June..unless you're one of view who actually know the story)..if not, don't. If I end up in some tangled mess of a drug related overdose or even suicide...just keep telling yourself "train Z has left the port" and that I've peacefully (haah) transitioned onto my next journey (let's hope it's full of H****n and punk music and dogs).
The city scene isn't like the scene back in 4cotia..its em bigger I guess? But yet, I haven't gotten past a 'where yeah from?' or 'Name some bands bro!' and then back to silence again for a year....not saying this like it's everyone..but at shows I find more people outside supporting the beer they bought instead of the actualy bands music...oh! Or they're calling out everyone drinkin the same beer cause they rather drank theirs or someone found their hiding spot....smh....
Ive met some amazing people here in Ottawa and ill bring them with me whenever I decide to head out on the road (let's hope that's sooner than later hmmm) I've met a lot of folks from working at men's shelters and panning cars and drawing art for donations and surprisingly; Enough that's where Horse and I ended up, what 3 winters ago? Wow...living here in Ottawa has changed me and made me realize a lot of s**t and has made me stronger....only with coping with my emotions sand I'm still not even half way there with them...Living here also had more struggles and tthings to overcome and not to mention all the attacks I had...some s**t will stay with you forever, no matter how much you think you can run away from it...it's always in that (empty progress but filled with bad thoughts repeating over and over again) head of yours..well I always kept telling myself "enjoy life, eat and do what you want, express yourself, mosh like no one's around but is still watching, fight for what you believe in and just say "f**k it, let's go"
That's how I made it this far right? I'd have caught something or overdosed or had just tried and try and try to have that 5 percent push to take the next step...I mean, as in off the chair...buuut I made it till now and still haven't gotten anywhere in life and maybe that's because I've always used my lemons for tequila instead of lemonade (or my head) but I wouldn't go back (maybe just to do things different wilth people) I don't wsnt to look forward, and my head has been stuck down in the dirt of yesterday's path..now muddy and sticky..but I want to do it»»
Say "f**k this city, f**k your jobs, f**k your judgements, f**k fake people, f**k backstabbers, f**k rats, f**k pigs, f**k two faced people, f**k cheaters, f**k sexual and domestic abusers and fuc' this next cold winter here. In.Ottawa. I want more art shows, better venues and more house shows, campfires, tenting, walking with my best friend awoof*I want to have a person see me take a donut out of the garbage and say 'can I have some?' not 'ew' and to not judge all the people who live outside..we rise and we fall or we can stay in the ashes and wish we didn't rise at all...what's the point of paying just so we can't breathe....i don't know. I've lost a lot of people lately and - can't hangle myself at all right now...I'm trying
Seriously, I'm working on some garbage for Oh s photography on going project called 'your side or the story' (who by the way is one he'll of an accomplished young spunky lady who I actually don't feel the need to squash the peppyness out of....just yet ;p) where the story comes from homeless youth and others around Ottawa....having this show this time of year is good because it's getting colder out there and we all need too bundle up, so I hope it gives more insight and thoughts to everyone and make them believe any little gesture or coin or kind words goes AaLONGWAY REALLY....This time of year is now even more sad because of the death of my friend Randy..and last year it was my new friend Souldad...oh how I miss thee....
Give your FP, your kids, your pets, even a stranger a hug and wish them good news or tell them they have nice socks even when you can't see them...might make yeah Ontarians work those brains ;)
BC here we cum
