Nyaya DzaTatenda

26/10/2021

Rimwe Gore - Part 3

Standing in that supermarket with sweat gushing through my palms, I removed my phone from airplane mode and awaited my death sentence. Having misplaced the money she’d given me to buy bread, I could only imagine what she would do to me for losing it and wasting more than an hour roaming around the shop aimlessly. That woman was going to have my head for breakfast and I knew it. All I could do was stand awkwardly in that shop waiting for her to call.

I stared at the large white ceramic tiles in front of me and prayed that they swallow me whole so that I just cease to exist. In that moment, I even contemplated on walking over to the rat poison aisle, opening a packet and just gobble it all down. Infact, I actually walked around looking for it but they didn’t seem to have it in stock, possibly for the same reasons I was looking for it. Disinfectant maybe? I was so torn between all these options!
Ah but no mhan there was so much left to live for, perhaps tomorrow would be a better day. I thought of all the people that cared for me and everyone who’d ever prayed for me. I started thinking about my siblings, my cousins and all my friends. Haa eish, I quickly snapped out of that short dark cloud, clenched the bread between my fists and made my way back to the till to continue my search for credit notes.

Ah ndichingoti konhei pamafirige paye that’s when I spotted her! Eyes red with anger, Zambia muchiwuno vakabata mutsvairo, which I assumed was to be used to end my life. When she spotted me, she dropped her murder weapon and quickly rushed in my direction, yelling out my name and instantaneously my flight or fight instinct kicked in. I was ready for battle but before I could make a counter move, she grabbed me with both arms and gave me the strongest hug I’d ever felt. My eyes were filled with tears and I felt a sense of peace in my heart, I felt at home in those arms. After about ten seconds she let go of me and dragged me by the ear all the way out of that supermarket and I recall being beaten half to death on that morning. To this day I don’t know what became of both the girl and the credit notes but fortunately as I’m writing this, my head is still attached to my body.

16/10/2021

Rimwe Gore - Part 2

I approached her with the friendliest smile I could imagine and she looked at me seeming confused, which was the opposite of what I expected. I began to question my charm as her confusion took a toll on my confidence in this approach. I mustered the self esteem needed to say hello a second time and she responded with "oh ndeipi. "

"Zvirisei," I responded with enthusiasm, trying to build momentum in our conversation.

She concluded our short chat with "bho," then she looked away. Never before had I met someone so boring! Her whole energy was off and she didn't seem to acknowledge the nice things that I had in my trolley, all that for nothing! The crisps, cereals, meats, pastries the bread? Shucks, I'd forgotten the bread! The reason I'd left home in the first place.

I yanked my trolley out of the queue and raced towards the back of the shop and ditched it in a corner before making my way to the bread, grabbed two loaves and waited close-by for the girl to leave. As I stood there, I checked my safe storage place to retrieve my credit notes only to find them gone! Right round, inside and outside there was nothing! That woman was going to kill me if I couldn't find that bread money so I put my phone on flight mode!

I slowly backtracked around the shop looking around, checking the aisles and underneath the shelves, the fridges, everywhere! There was no sign of any of them and the longer I looked, the heavier those two loaves became. The cleaning staff maybe? Or maybe they saw it and they took it for themselves!

It had been an hour since I'd left home and the bread was starting to slip through my sweaty palms as I stood awkwardly in that shop. Reluctantly I removed my phone from flight mode and awaited her judgement...

11/10/2021

Rimwe Gore - Part 1

Rimwe gore when I was in a supermarket I spotted this beautiful girl standing by the lotions isle. I don’t quite remember what she looked like but I remember that she looked good, anga akachena.

I had been doing Mom’s rounds ndatumwa kunotenga chingwa nemasamba, armed with a handful of credit notes. Ndanga ndakato eartha zvangu mumaraini, wearing a special from my homewear collection. I felt like saying hie despite being incredibly out of my league, she’d caught me off guard. Again I say, musikana anga akachena iyeye although I hadn’t seen her around before. I couldn’t just let her leave, mudzimu haupe kaviri saka paitoda plan svinu.

Ah ndini uyo, I headed for the entrance panomira guard and we exchanged a nod of greeting as I grabbed one of their large trolleys kuti mission ritange.

“Ko mazofunga kuita shopping chibaba?”

My eyes locked into the tiled floor as I pushed the trolley, trying to avoid selling myself out.

“Yaa mahn, ma two minutes”

Due to my home shorts not having any pockets, I stuffed the credit notes into my waistline and began my expedition. I headed over to the bacon section and grabbed a few packets so as to pe*****te the upper class of shoppers, also blessing my trolley with a bit of ham and sausage. She didn’t seem to notice me at all, so I scooted past her ndakarova serious and decided to add some Chompkins for color and diversity, green, yellow and orange. Ndakatenderera shop yese ndichiita kunge munhu anopenga. I had the milks, fat free, full cream and powdered! The coffees, eggs, polony; I was putting my fingerprints everywhere mushop yevaridzi trying to grab her attention!

This girl was just walking around akabata zvake Clere netoothpaste and as she headed for the till, I decided to make my move. With the social support of my trolley, I headed towards her to say hi…

06/08/2021

Umjolo is probably one of the most popular ways to enter into a state of depression right now. There is an unbelievable amount of hurt circulating around the communities of young people, a lack of trust and disregard for one another. Modern dating has been catching a lot of heat from social media and meme culture, where heartbreaks and betrayal are almost inevitable....

Umjolo is probably one of the most popular ways to enter into a state of depression right now. There is an unbelievable amount of hurt circulating around the communities of young people, a lack of …

30/07/2021

My 22nd birthday was last week, on July 23rd and it was amazing. In times like these, I felt especially grateful for the gift of life and good health, family, and friends. I got more birthday wishes than I can count and I'm very grateful to everyone who came through and wished me a happy birthday. I had an incredible day and thank you for your support on and off the blog....

My 22nd birthday was last week, on July 23rd and it was amazing. In times like these, I felt especially grateful for the gift of life and good health, family, and friends. I got more birthday wishe…

22/07/2021

So he leaves me in the empty kitchen ndakatarisana nefridge and I'm as confused as for crying out loud. The only experience I've had with a fridge is really just opening it to take food out and that's it. Speaking of food, I was famished! I hadn't eaten all day and I I was starting to feel the hunger's effects all over my body....

So he leaves me in the empty kitchen ndakatarisana nefridge and I’m as confused as for crying out loud. The only experience I’ve had with a fridge is really just opening it to take food…

13/07/2021

So I walked up to her gate, just as I was about to gogodz on her gate, I stopped to think for a moment. Wait, this is way too risky, I could get beaten up or even arrested for trespassing. What if one of her brothers came to open it instead of her? Infact, it's more likely for her brothers to attend to the gate if there's a knock....

So I walked up to her gate, just as I was about to gogodz on her gate, I stopped to think for a moment. Wait, this is way too risky, I could get beaten up or even arrested for trespassing. What if …

29/06/2021

That night, I barely slept. The thought of queuing to get my national ID tortured me into a restless hysteria. I'd heard rumours about how mean and uncivilized those people were. It was almost as if the government actively searched for the most unpleasant, rude and grumpy individuals and tossed them into the passport office. The most ruthless and irritable group of Zimbabweans....

That night, I barely slept. The thought of queuing to get my national ID tortured me into a restless hysteria. I’d heard rumours about how mean and uncivilized those people were. It was almos…

13/10/2020

When your glance interrupted my stare, I should have looked away but my eyes were stuck, glued to your body. I couldn’t help it but marvel and only hope to be your Iron Man someday. I wanted you and I could really see us together. Oh, if you would give me a chance! Just one chance!

When I eventually fell back to earth, I noticed the look of discomfort and disgust smeared across your face and I looked back at my exam paper. I glanced at the clock up ahead. “Forty-five more minutes,” I mumbled under my breath as I scanned the ceiling hoping to find Pythagoras’ theorem scribbled up there by some chance. No luck. The ceiling was as blank as my brain cells, the only difference was that, my brain had you in it, which wasn’t very helpful at this point! Perhaps I’d get better luck on the floor, or maybe if I looked really hard at your paper I could get a clue or something. It was hopeless.

Your beautiful hair suddenly grabbed me by the wrists and dragged me down a portal to a mysterious dimension where my wildest fantasies seemed to be reality. It’s six o’clock in the morning and I turn to my side and I see you lying peacefully next to me. Rays of sunlight gently kiss your face as you turn to the side. You exhale and ask me to keep it down. I consider protesting against these false allegations then I just let it go. I feel a smile span across my face, wait, did we? What exactly is going on here? I get out of bed to investigate!

As I yawn, I grab my morning gown by the collar and rub my eyes with my other hand. I head for the door and my knees collide with a stampede of children that kind of look like you and me combined, a whole lot of them! Loud bundles of joy all addressing me as “Daddy.” Interesting, very interesting indeed…

I herd them downstairs to the kitchen and someone is making scrambled eggs and shouting at her little brother who seems to be struggling with his tie. There is a lot of yelling and general chaos in this room. Of course, I assist this fine young man, whose facial features strongly resemble yours. “Thanks mdara.” He grabs it back, sits down and starts stuffing his face with bread whilst his collar is still up, which looks very uncomfortable. I ignore it. I’m still looking around and trying to figure out what’s going on. Am I in the future? Are you in my future?

Looking as beautiful as always, I stare at you as you walk into the kitchen with your hair all over the place, speaking order and sense to the kids. Suddenly everyone looks more civilised and serious. I hear a honking sound outside the window and I see another one in a rather short skirt taking huge strides past the television, waves goodbye, quickly blows me a kiss and disappears behind the large door as it slams shut!

The door slams again and it slams a third time! I see everything turn black! Now I can’t see anything. Streams of bright light filter in but I can’t make sense of it. My eyes begin to feel very heavy and I feel a warm, sticky liquid on the right side of my cheek. My eyes are shut and my whole body shuts down. I’m frozen stiff!

I eventually manage to force open my eyes and I seem to be in a large, quiet room filled with people on desks all staring at me. S**t!
“Eh, bamnini! Wipe your face, mamukasei?” He continues shouting as he bangs loudly on my desk. Okay, so now I’m wide awake but I’m just going to keep my eyes closed and pretend to be unconscious. What else can I do? I’d rather save myself the embarrassment of submitting an empty question paper and walking out of here as the center of attention, what just happened?

22/07/2020

Petronella 4 - The Beginning🍃

She smiled, looked down and went behind the icecream machine🤔.
I looked down at my phone screen (which was now flat), pretending not to have seen her. Chi incognito, waifeela?😂😂

How long had she been staring🤔? Did she see me eating my hotdog🌭? Could she tell I'd been hungry😲? Ah mira, how big were my bites?😂😂
And hollup, is she blushing, she's blushing right? Bhebhi rikusparkwa, I should probably go talk to her.

I gathered my confidence and got up to go to the till, licking my lips paye paye chii chii😋😎. Trying to imitate the most attractive movie star I could think of.

She came up to the till and smiled at me as I stood still, frozen.

"Hie, I'm Petronella😁"

From that moment onwards, my whole life changed. Petronella...

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