26/06/2018
Usually, when a person gets
told they don’t talk very
much, their first impulse is
to justify themselves. They
will go into this elaborate
and often phony explanation
designed to prevent them
from appearing shy because
they don’t talk much.
Unfortunately, others
typically see right through
such explanations. And the
very fact that you’re trying
to defend yourself so hard is
the first indication that the
comment bothered you,
which is a sign of insecurity
in itself.
Other times they will try to
be witty and deliver some
sort of clever comeback.
This is typically doomed to
fail as well. As you may
have experienced yourself, it
is seldom that you manage
to be witty when you’re put
on the spot by somebody and
you feel emotional pressure.
Defending yourself and
trying to be witty are both
anxiety-generated, approval-
seeking reactioseeking reactions, and
believe me, they do very
little for you. Here is a
much better alternative.
Just Provide a Basic
Answer
I found that when someone
tells you that you don’t talk
much, the best answer is a
short, simple one. Something
like “Yeah, sometimes I’m
not in the mood to talk” or
“I just don’t have anything
to say right now” is enough.
You’re still explaining
yourself, but you’re not
over-explaining yourself so
it doesn’t come off as needy
or defensive. Most
importantly, by giving just a
basic answer, you’re not
making a big deal out of this
whole thing. You give a
basic reply to a basic
question, and you move on.
In my experience, this is by
far the best approach. The
other person will take the
answer you provided, be
satisfied with it, and
continue participating in the
social interaction.
It’s even okay to admit that
you’re a bit shy. Other
people actually have a lot of
understanding towards shy
people. Not pity, as many
shy persons assume;
