21/06/2020
2000 Shadows: SOMETHING I NEVER HAD
father... you were never really the father figure in my life yet you were still alive.
Silence...
All is silent but violent. I learnt to conversate with the darkness
More times than I Would embrace the light in your words
My sore cores world slowly crumbles to dust, when
I think about all I've lost in trynna find you. But again
How can I lose a love I never really knew
Silence... Again its sound is profoundly loud
I tried to sever your presence in your absence
Ghosts are real coz my father was one of them
My picture perfect version of holding hands then
Didn't come to manifestation,
its either that or my mother told a one sided version
Of your story...Mama was a fighter, a warrior:
A true personification of an African Queen
In all the mellow drama, she played teacher, healer, therapist and father,
a throne you should have been on.
Listen I don't need lullabies; coz I know they can easily turn dreams into nightmares
I don't need to be tacked in at night coz already u are the summation of my greatest fear
Losing u. Again, how can I lose something I never had.
I swear growing without a father is hard, coz in my dark days I needed you to b the light
When the fight in Mamas eyes dwindle
I needed u to candle my path so no boy would break my heart
But you, my first love already tore it apart.
Some times I look to the heavens, where the eternal father resides
And wonder, if he too heeds to the pain inside
Or just turns a blind eye to my love lost.
Having a father as a ghost.
But again, how can you lose something you never had?
BY: SELINA BANDA