10/05/2022
…………………… R•E•V•I•E•W ………………………
It is Saturday morning and the day is greeted by glorious sunshine and a cloudless sky at La’monks Farm in Meyerton for the Father/Mother Wound Conference. The conference is a breath of fresh air, aimed at tackling ills such as the psycho social effects of toxic parenting, children dealing with rejection from a parent, father absence and impact it has on daughters’ romantic relationships and the importance of co-parenting.
As we trickle in, there’s a beautifully set table on the right where we help ourselves to tea and muffins. This, I observe, is a great conversation starter for most guests while waiting for the behind-schedule conference to begin.
Unfazed by the time wasted, a bespectacled Shirley Kaliko graces the podium in her long burgundy dress – fitting of a hostess – and welcomes everyone. On her heels, is Ruth Mothupi, whose solid spiritual base makes her the right person to open the day’s proceedings with prayer and worship: a prayer for healing, comprehension and a convivial atmosphere.
This is the kind of atmosphere Paul Tsolo of Pure Leadership Institute maintains as the first speaker of the day when he makes reference to the highly publicised Dubai Porta Potty story to debunk some of the assumptions made about absent and present fathers alike. He then gets generous with his microphone and passes it around for the audience to share their own views on the subject matter, which in turn, heightens participation across the room.
His departure makes way for the MC, Palesa Modisane who bursts onto the podium dressed in her elegantly black outfit. She boasts a stage persona of a megastar in the making. She apologises for being late and introduces the second speaker, myself – it is clear that her only business for the day is to give the people what they want, a show.
I approach the podium as slowly as Zonke Dikana’s song, FEELINGS, that is playing in the background, trying not to make an irritable noise with the clicks of my crutches against the porcelain tiled floor. My stage presence is not loud; I barely even step away from the centre stage but I give a speech that is modelled around aspiring to be a generation of open-minded parents and setting new benchmarks.
The third speaker, Reverend Mpho Khang comes on after me and his power-packed voice and energy light the match that sets the entire room on fire. There’s something about him that refuses to be consumed passively, it commands attention. He narrates his personal experiences and paints us an unfiltered picture of father absence and co-parenting. “This man is Proverbs 22:29 personified!”, I whisper to my plus one.
An event this intense has to have a cooling period with good food and exciting drinks. To cut a long story short: compliments to the La’monks Farm kitchen personnel for addressing our stomach needs accordingly. Outside, the KCA Radio crew is engaging the woman of the moment Shirley Kaliko by the pool, and Women of Substance regulars and some old faces are exploring the picturesque venue and giving the photographer what he wants, smiles and poses.
Anyway, we’re now back inside and the fourth speaker is ready to seal what has been a truly refreshing event in this small town, lying 15KM north of Vereeniging. Psychologist, Hope Mathole encompasses everything and gives us a blow by blow of the fatherlessness statistics, the causes, the effects and the remedies. Personally, I am impressed by how she hits every note in the right order and makes staying until the end worth it.
In closing, Shirley makes her way back to the podium, this time to acknowledge all the speakers, attendees and offer a benediction. “Bathong, ke ya leboha. Modimo a le etse hantle”, she says resoundingly.
Of course, Ruth Mothupi is right next to her; on her marks and ready to close the very proceedings she opened earlier – with a prayer.
The Father/Mother Wound Conference felt like a patching of the torn wounds of families and childhood traumas. It felt right. It felt like what was supposed to have happened many years ago because it answered, in different ways, many unanswered questions. In essence, it bandaged the wounded souls.
For Women of Substance Women of Great Worth and all its stakeholders, I pray for a larger territory, a prosperous future and more perception-shifting gatherings.
T. D Khoza Ka Phahla. (2022)
