02/06/2026
I have been in an abusive relationship before and one thing I can tell you is that, abusive men rarely begin as monsters.
In the beginning, they are attentive, charming, and intentional…They make you feel chosen , as if you are the only woman in the world….That sweetness is not accidental. It builds trust, attachment and emotional dependence. Bao hohela.
But over time…once love has deepened and you are fully invested, the performance becomes exhausting for them. The mask begins to slip…They become controlling, disrespectful , violent and even start cheating on you. The loving version of them starts to disappear.
When the apologies come, they are often just as convincing as the initial charm. And it becomes easy to forgive…not because you are weak or stupid, but because you are grieving. You are grieving the version of them you first met. A part of you cannot accept that the same person who once held you so gently could now choose to hurt you. So you cling to the memory of who they were, convincing yourself that this new behavior is temporary, a mistake or something you somehow caused.
Slowly, self-blame replaces clarity. You begin to question whether your tone, your attitude, or your flaws triggered the change. You stay, hoping that if you love them better, act better, or endure quietly enough, they will return to the person they pretended to be in the beginning.
But the painful truth is this: the first version was the act. The “true colours” are not the cruelty that suddenly appeared…they were simply hidden until you were too attached to walk away.
And once you finally accept that your abusive partner is never going to change…run and never look back! No bond is worth risking your own life.
Take what you’ve learned, the red flags, the patterns, the warning signs and use that wisdom to recognise abuse early next time. And let the experience make you wiser, not trapped in the same cycle.
Good morning Batho baka bakeba Ratang❤️🥺
