12/01/2024
Is Authenticity and Vunerability really worth it?
When I was young I learned how to say and do the things that people around me
wanted me to say or do in order to get love and affection.
If I said the right things and did the right things I got approval from my
family, my teachers, in the form of my grades, and from my church, just to name
a few.
I got really good at reacting in the way I thought people would want me to
react and so as soon as I met someone, I would ask myself, “What does this
person want from me?” and “How can I show up in a way that would please them?”
I was addicted to praise and really good at people pleasing. And this
continued into adulthood in my interactions and relationships with people.
The thing was that, even though I was getting the affection and praise I
desired, it felt shallow and disconnected and even meaningless at times. I
didnt know who I was or what I wanted anymore and I didn’t feel like the love I
was receiving was because of WHO I was, only for WHAT I was doing or saying.
When I first decided to start practicing Authenticity and Vulnerability, to
take off my mask and show people how I truly felt and to express myself, I was
terrified that love and approval would go away.
And it did.
There were people in my church, my family, my relationships, my friend circle
and my life that did not approve of what I thought, did or said.
But the love and approval I did receive from those who were in my life felt
real. For the first time, when I felt love, it felt meaningful and deep. For
the first time in my life I started caring about what I wanted instead of
always sacrificing my opinions and needs to placate others.
And most importantly, I realized that I could give myself approval and love
and it does not
