01/06/2026
You know, I often feel that I have very few friends, and I know that I’m not for everyone,.. then again , I’m not living my life for everyone, I have had 2 very close death experiences within the last two years, requiring hospitalization, some actual realization of my impending death, watching colleagues and people I’ve known professionally pass on from this Earth. I have carried a weight about who many considered my best friend, room mate, partner in crime Jerry Ortiz,.. we had our ups and downs as friends, and I had to give him some “Tough Love” for awhile, and those who know the real me know I can be eviscerating when need be…. And since I had done it before,.. I felt that I would have to do it again, and I did, I started in on Jerry, but , others enabled him, and you know who you are, and you didn’t see that this time the boy wasn’t crying wolf because he was cold or lonely , he was crying because he WAS scared, and hurt, and his self respect had certainly fallen… and I didn’t do enough,.. as a matter of fact , I made a conscious decesion, and I tried to help as best I thought I could, but I realized helping Him was hurting other aspects and people in my life,.. I wish I had done better, I wish I knew that what I did, didn’t really help him and I could have. The last time we talked, we had stayed up way late, and he cried , and he was making me angry for not taking charge of his life, to leave BAD relationships, it’s a slow killing poison, to FIX the ones that will count for your lifetime, family is family.. regardless, and to have him say he wished he had the kind of relationship I have with my father haunts me. He hid other things from me, but, he knew I knew, and I would look the other way,.. DONT!…DO SOMETHING,.. even if it pi**es you and THEM off. I still have anger and personal animosity towards those who steered his life in that direction,.. I know who you are. .. I am not pleased … remember that. Check in on each other, help, even if they say they’re fine, they’re ok,… they aren’t ..some people are brOKen,.. you are the fixer…. Till you teach me more Tesla songs my man,..know that I know you know. I do miss that sh*tty giggle. Love You man.
