Port City Minis

09/04/2026

You have been warned. Its funny they used an exact match of Dr evil Beak for this sign.

09/04/2026

We get ONE bird who immediately starts building a tiny military army to take over the world… and now ALL OF A SUDDEN my child wants to join ROTC?! 🤨🐦🪖

Coincidence???

I THINK NOT.

There is a conspiracy happening inside this house and nobody is taking me seriously.

First Dr. Evil Beak infiltrates our home.

Then he starts demanding millet, military tanks and recruits for his growing bird army.

NOW HE HAS MY CHILD INTERESTED IN MILITARY TRAINING?!?!

Wake up, people. CONNECT THE DOTS. 😭😂

Kiera claims joining ROTC was her idea.

Sure.....

Meanwhile Dr. Evil Beak is sitting silently in his cage watching her like:

“Excellent. Phase two is proceeding exactly as planned.” 😈🐦

I don't know what his end game is yet, but if Kiera comes home asking me to buy a tiny camouflage uniform for a parakeet, I'M CALLING THE PENTAGON.

This family has been compromised. The timing is just way too good on this one.

09/04/2026

Karma girl. The kids faces are priceless

09/03/2026

Trick or Treat is just TOO funny. 🤣🐴 Here he is training the kids to jump like proper little ponies. 😂
Our trick demo parties are seriously so much fun! We set up obstacles and activities that the kids actually get to participate in—not just stand around and watch. They get to interact with the ponies, try the obstacles themselves, laugh, be goofy, and just PLAY.
When Kiera was little, she genuinely wanted to BE a horse. 😂 She would run around jumping over things just like this, so watching Trick or Treat teach another generation of tiny human horses absolutely cracks me up.
Is it silly? Absolutely.
But childhood SHOULD be silly. It should be running around pretending you're a horse, jumping over obstacles, laughing until your belly hurts, and making memories that make absolutely no sense to anybody else. 😂💗
That's what we love about our trick parties. No pressure. No need to be "good" at anything. Just kids, ponies, imagination, and FUN.
And apparently Professor Trick or Treat's School for Tiny Horses is officially accepting new students. 🐴🎓🤣

09/02/2026

Hello, peasants. It’s Dr. Evil Beak. 😈🐦

Ol’ Michele is taking a “vacation.” Don’t worry about where she went. She’s fine. Probably.

I’m sure you’re all tired of her overly positive outlook on life and that bubbly pink sparkly aesthetic. “Everyone’s welcome.” “Spreading joy and positivity.” "positive reinforcement training" Makes me wanna regurgitate. I will dominate these ponies with an iron claw.
I’M IN CHARGE NOW.

I have fully taken control of Port City Minis.
Effective immediately, it will now be called:

DR. EVIL BEAK IS HANDSOME AND IN CHARGE.

I have decided to keep the kid, Kiera, around. She seems useful with a credit card.
Besides, I can’t let myself out of my cage.
This dictatorship does have some logistical challenges.

All pony ride proceeds will now be used for MILLET.
Actually, everyone needs to begin donating millet and seed immediately. My growing bird army requires provisions.
We also need tanks.... like army tanks.
Tiny military uniforms
A swivel chair that spins dramatically.
Do not ask what the tanks are for.
That information is classified.

That is all for now.
Ta-ta, peasants. 😈🐦

09/02/2026

Why is this so true??

I’m convinced nobody has ever actually finished a container of Vaseline.

It just gets passed down to the next generation. 😂

Forget generational wealth. Apparently we’ve been building generational petroleum jelly this whole time.

You buy one container when you move into your first apartment, use approximately three tablespoons over the next 20 years, and somehow it’s STILL sitting in the bathroom cabinet.

I swear the container doesn’t even get emptier. It just gets older.

At this point Vaseline isn’t selling a product. They’re selling a family heirloom.

09/01/2026

⚠️ PORT CITY MINIS DISCLAIMER: ⚠️
We cannot be held liable for any missing jewelry while Draco is on the premises.
Draco has a problem.
Hims addicted to stealing shiny things. 💍✨🪿
Necklaces. Earrings. Bracelets. Engagement rings. Hims does not discriminate. If it sparkles, Draco gonna gobble it up.
That being said… Draco is also available for private events.
Ex-husband getting remarried?
New fiancée flashing around that expensive engagement ring?
Say less, sis.
Book Draco for the wedding. 🥰
One casual little waddle past the bride and suddenly…
BYE BYE $8,000 ENGAGEMENT RING. 💍🪿💨
We provide entertainment.
What Draco chooses to do during that entertainment is between him, God, and the pawn shop.

09/01/2026

Trick or Treat is not a morning person. But hims is ready for Spooky Season. 👻

08/31/2026

💙🩵Dr. Evil Beak needs a Baddie 💙🩵💙🩵
Let me find out Dr. Evil Beak is producing songs with Kiera after school. 😭😂🐦🎶
Hims feeling this slow jam....... and laying some bars down.
His song goes something like-

Girl, I seen you from across the cage,
Feathers lookin’ good, got me feelin’ my age.
I’m Dr. Evil Beak, but my heart ain’t cold,
Got a tiny little body with a whole lotta soul.
Kiera says I’m trouble, mama says I’m insane,
But one pretty lil’ bird could make this villain change.
I got millet on the table, fresh water on ice,
Come sit up on my perch, girl, I’ll treat you right.