10/22/2013
I went to go ask him why, it was really bothering me:
Approaching the infinite one
Inundated and spiritually immobilized
Just a thought from him, the wavelength so broad and powerful
Destroys every concept I've tried with futility to hold onto
Continuous spherical swells emanate from his position
Beating me down
Feeling as the small bit of bailey's wispily disappearing into a guinness before being devoured
Exponentially less significant, however, I take my droplet and plunge it into the raging ocean
Pushing through the onslaught, I know I'm out of place
A peasant, approaching royalty
Leaning into a spiritual wind
Energy floods through my non-spatial center
A rampantly delicate energy
Is it time to understand the pain of existence?
I came to ask him why
Never was much good at hiding my intentions
He saw me coming eons away
Too pure of a space for my trivial human vitriol,
He directly sets my mind on fire
Concept of self
Fallacies I've believed in
Trophies of a temporary ego:
As disintegrating flesh in a raging inferno
Burning away tissue...
Then the sinew...
Then the bone...
Every nerve screaming
Screaming
Screaming
Then gone
Completely dissolved
Spiritually, how can I compare this next moment?
Let's say, drawing only non-sexual parallels
Post or**sm:
I'm drooling
Pulsing sensations run through me
So relaxed and released
You could probably prop me up in any position you want and I'd stay that way for a while
Eyes unfocused
Words escaping down every avenue I turn
He sees me like this, after his inferno has decimated my self and all the concepts that I drew upon to even form a self
And, honestly, I just wanted more
He finds it amusing - that I'm such a sick individual
But its not my turn to know
I have come here out of place
I have approached his position discourteously
Coming to demand answers
I am allowed to sit, not ordered, not asked, just understood to be near him - for a short while
I quietly take my place at his feet
Sitting at the base of the mountain
Radiant energy from the top has been pouring out this whole time, its how I knew where to go to find him
But it is too much for my feeble mind to process
As if listening to a thousand foreign tongues speak at the same time
There are factors and nomenclature and variables and formulae on every interval of the wave
Dictating - directing dissemination
And my puny, laughable volume of spirit is in witness
To this
Factors and formulae that break thought, not interrupt, but break
It's all I can do, to hold onto everything, even the things I don't understand
Just to be able to bring back a piece of the puzzle
I have become as the giddy contestant in the floating money booth
Rabidly striking the open air for all I can grab
Oddly enough, I understand _why_ I shouldn't be asking him "why?"
He prefers to exemplify in the form, not explain and describe the form itself
And so he burned my eyes as I approached with my head full of steam
I understand that I must watch the movie in its entirety and enjoy its rising and falling action separately from understanding the gate we will all come to when the credits finish rolling.
This happened a bit more than a decade ago, when I was 18.
Thank You God.
From then I realized, not always put into useful practice, but realized a few things:
1. Time is everlasting - and while this iteration may occur again, you are given the power to put your own subtle mark on it. Let it be a mark of your own individual choosing and expression.
2. Infinity encompasses everything. If you discard everything else I say here and now, let it not be this: Infinity infinitely infinitized itself (and is still infinitizing) to the degree where our imaginations have become the very controllers of our small speck of reality we have been GIVEN to play in. (I could go on, but you probably wouldn't even give me the time of day)
3. Caring and Re-Transmitting the very soul of positivity ("good vibrations") is one of our top priorities and functions as human beings.
I realized many more things than this - I'm just not at liberty to speak about them until I understand them.
If you have read all the way to here - then have a great day! Every moment, no matter how badly soaked in tribulation, is a moment for potential success. Love the chaos! It's your choice, each moment is as meaningful or meaningless as you choose it to be.
I have nothing to sell you, go do your own thing now.
