Marti Johnson Comedienne

10/09/2019

Humble and proud.

04/12/2019

12/25/2016

Merry Christmas! Thank you for laughing at me this year!
❤🎅🏻❌⭕🌹🎄🎁🔔😂🎤

07/31/2016

Have a funny Sunday!

01/13/2016

Honeymoon Willie

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc? .... I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way"

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; .... an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies,...."Look at this, ....still in the CRATE!"

02/26/2015

Why aren't hemmoroids called assteroids?

06/19/2014

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners... ''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

06/04/2012

Marti will be at Union Street Station on June 8th at 6:30PM!