Nancy's Notions

07/24/2024

Her Tribe

She left for a far off shore
To a place I had little sense of
Taking nothing of home
Except what she carried in her heart

I knew from the start
It would be a one way trip
Not because she hated home
Or loved us less

Rather she was loved so well
That she could go
And spread her wings
Taking on a new adventure

She had outgrown this one
And needed to shed the old
To become the best
Version of herself

Achieving so much in so little time
Me a temporary interloper
To her joy
Knowing it was right

Yet through it all my heart fretted
Who would be there
When she needed us
Advice, shoulder, ear or understanding

Nebulous counsel only adequately discharged
By a mother, sister, best friend, aunt
A fellow woman
Her tribe

And then I met them
In this strange place
Where I wasn’t sure I fit
And it was glorious

Found was the healer, nurturer, saint, sinner
Women who celebrate her
Who lift her up
And bring her back softly down

In them I have found the solace
Of knowing that when I leave
They will step in
And surround her

And when I come back
They will surround me
Not trying to replace the old
Rather championing the beauty of acceptance

02/15/2024

White Noise

There is something different
About the first snowstorm
The smell of the air
Excited anticipatation
God’s holiday from life

I watch the inky black sky
For the first flakes
Descending from above
Powdery soft crystal confetti
Heavens ticker tape parade

Tiny glorious stings
Covering my upturned face
As each one hits it mark
Soon everything is covered
Whipped cream on hot chocolate

Undisturbed by all
And with it a silence
So deafening
You think maybe you have
Lost the ability to hear

Nothing moves in a storm
Except the silent fall
Of frozen lace
I am reluctant to interfere
With its perfection

So I stand
Not feeling the cold
Reveling in the simplistic beauty
Of white against dark
Silence drowning out noise

Soon life will invade again
Footprint, plows and laughter
Taking us back to reality
But standing out here in the dark
I rejoice in the symphony of silence

01/28/2024

Shoes

He spent his youth
In other peoples shoes
Fiercely trying to be
Someone he wasn’t

An actor
Playing a role
Desperate to hide
A truth

A chameleon
Surrounded by friends
Mired by a loneliness
That clung unseen by all

Acceptance of self
The vagaries of youth
Finally put aside
Setting him free

With a confidence
That only love can give
He stepped out of the dark
And into the light

Tentatively placing his foot
In shoes buttery soft
The certainty of the fit
Heralding him home at last

06/16/2023

A Fine Wine…

At sixteen I awoke
An eager child
Frantically trying
To shake off
The last vestiges of youth

By twenty one
I knew it all
The world laid
Bare at my feet
Clueless in my certainty

Married at twenty five
Reality warring with fairytale
Immaturity a harsh taskmaster
Fiercely seeking room in selfish
White knuckling a slipping identity

Thirty brought kids
A love that took my breath away
Along with a paralyzing fear
Of incompetence
Only a mother can reconcile

Forty came like a storm
Lunches, carpools & homework
The cachophony and euphony of life
Me clinging to the raft
Desperately gauging the oncoming rapids

At fifty I exhaled
No longer a slave
To the judgement of others
Able to look without the critics eye
On where my life has led

I look to sixty
Without fear or anxiety
Rather an excitement
For what will be
And a grateful heart

That I am me.

05/10/2023

Goodbyes

I watch the line
Snake around
Swallowing you
In its depths

Back to the place
You appeared
Only weeks ago
A reverse journey

I feel like I’ve spent
My whole life
Saying goodbye
To those I love

Working against a clock
Frantically building memories
Desperate to make time count
Knowing it sustains me

Until the next hello
Though each year
The list gets smaller
The time more precious

Life is all about
Hellos and goodbyes
Living is how
They are embraced

Tomorrow is not promised
Be joyful of the hellos
Grateful of the desperate beauty
Of goodbye

04/27/2023

The Quilt

The morning light
Wakes her
Turning she sees him
And knows she is home

She exhales a soft sigh
A milestone she thinks
As she pulls her quilt
Tightly around her chilled skin

Her life floating past
In a kaleidoscope of color
Her accomplishments motivate
Yet have never moved her

Though there is pride in these
People add color and warmth
To her quilt
Deeper colors worn soft with time

Are patches of a yesterday
That made her who she is
Love and loss, give and take
Bound tightly together

Remembering a day
When her heart was shattered
Only to have the pieces explode
Into colors so bright

She knew only greatness would come
And come it did
Mirror images of her and him
In heart and mind

To see them bloom
Is the batten that holds it all in place
Sixty years of a life well lived
Backed by family, bound with threads

Of love, caring, strength and grit
Her technicolor essence
Will keep her warm
For all that tomorrow may bring

04/13/2023

The Me I came to Be

I am small
I am weak
I need help
I can’t do this

I am growing
I am strong
I am learning
I can do this

I am fierce
I am independent
I am unafraid
Of the mountains

I climb everyday
Without you
To catch me
When I stumble

I want you
Here with us again
But as a partner
No longer the protector

I love you
Yet so proud of the me
Who came to be
Without you

03/21/2023

My Truth...

When something
You’ve championed
Points it’s gnarled
Condemning fingers
Right at your heart

How do you say no
You are wrong
When eyes look at you
Beseechingly
Begging you to recall

A memory
You know is tainted
By years of hurt
That you unknowingly
Had a hand in

My truth takes us all down
It’s slippery slope
Of recriminations
Firmly locking the door
Of emotions behind it

It is
My truth
Not yours
I dictate
Terms

03/17/2023

Happy Saint Patricks Day ☘️♥️☘️

03/06/2023

Empty Nest

With the rising sun
The home comes alive
A cacophony of sound
Filling the stilled air
Reverberating off every surface
Pulling me forcefully from my dreams

Breakfast disappearing in great gulps
Punctuated by voices clambering to be heard
Lunches, backpacks, jackets
Crammed with the detritus of youth
Flying off hooks
With a carelessness of purpose

Laundry sprouting up from floors
Dishes bouncing off rubber sinks
Doors testing the limits of their hinges
As tiny hands with herculean strength
Fling them until the house shakes
The air is electric with expectation

And then the hiss of airbrakes
The opening of a yellow door
Boots echoing off steps
Goodbyes yelled and waved feverishly
A car door slams
Silence ensuing

Then comes that sweet relief
Precious quiet
Alone at last
I look around a spotless kitchen
Confused
Heart sinking to meet cold reality

You are gone...

02/27/2023

Neverland

The road unfurls before us
Cutting through forest and mountain
Knowing the unknowable
The beginning and the end

Hurtling towards a future
Desperately clinging to a past
Frightened of what is to come
Neither quite ready to let go

The car is alive with song
Laughter filling the air
As it always does
Whenever she is near

I listened without hearing
So attuned to her
Yet lost in the past
Already grieving the silence to come

Her indomitable spirit
Filling my days
With joy and pride
Every obstacle a fence to climb

A light shines from within her
Amazing to behold
This tiny powerhouse of personality
We mere moths to her flame

Fulfilling a dream
I was never brave enough to grab
Continues to leave me
In awe of her fearlessness

All she achieves
She works for
Harder than anyone I know
She is ready for this

I'm not
How does one let go
Of a 20 year old shadow
And not miss it from time to time

Soon the goodbyes will come
She to conquer the next hill
While I rail against the clock
That takes her further from me

To Neverland

02/27/2023

The Good Ole Days…

Delivered carrying
A tinge of edge
A tweak of consternation
A smidge of boast
A knowing smirk

Those days out of grasp
Better than those here now
Yet only sometimes is that just
Though sometimes they simply were
Just better

Walking through an empty office
Abandoned without warning like Chernobyl
Desks left with calendars open
March 6th 2020
The day we left never to return

Sifting through meaningless paper
I think back on those days
The good ole ones
And the faces come flooding in
Friends and foe alike

The office comes to life in my minds eye
And loud gregarious women
So wise and confident
Show a young girl
The joy & pride of success

Laughter fills the air
Shouting too
Everything was passionate
In those old days
The one's so good

The smokeless ashtrays
Lost in blue clouds
The late nights together
Creating plans for a tomorrow
That would make us all obsolete

And Dave
Our fearless leader
Who created this place
Where these amazing women
Took flight and soared

In a time where women
We’re not always valued
He made room at his table
And together we created
A yesterday so special

Tomorrow could not compete
DMI, a place we cut our teeth in
With so many characters
Spinning in the rolodex
For me, 34 years of love and learning

Covid marked the end
The letting go of those good ole days
A final goodbye to those we lost
But a deep appreciation
For having been part of it all

Dedicated to Dave Florence Sr, a mentor and a friend. God speed Sir, thank you for all you did for me over the years… oh how I loved those days.

View DAVID FLORENCE's obituary, send flowers and sign the guestbook.