09/26/2024
Had this wonderful text conversation with a female friend of mine who I have romantically admire from a distance for years.
She's the kind of woman who shares rather poignant and personal insights and reflections on FB with her friends and I feel in reading them over the years, I've actually got to know her quite intimately, although we have never actually met in the flesh.
Which is a little weird for me as there's a lot of emotional currency being exchanged on line and I've always stayed clear of investing anything more than conversation with someone on FB.
If someone is worth getting to know, they're worth getting to know in person.
But anyway, recently I've turned to social media to explore some of the connections I've made with women I like or are writers or artists or just kind of weird. Nothing creepy, just exploring to read any signals of interest that might arise.
Nothing, Nada. Zilch.
Goddamn you Mark Zuckerberg!
I saw the movie.
The whole pretext for Facebook was to double as a dating app.
But no, Facebook is not the right platform for exploring romantic possibilities. SnapChat is! (Joking).
So having given up on the virtual world, I happen to DM this woman I really do like, have liked and grown to like even more over the years of our acquaintance. And acquaintance is the sum or our "relationship" as we are separated by an ocean of nationality. Nonetheless, with the assistance of an excellent sipping tequila, I (only half drunkenly), suggested that we should meet and see what happened.
Then the reason for writing this post happened:
Instead of dismissing me or humouring me or worse, blocking me. This lovely, intelligent human female told me that she had very warm feelings for me as well but that she was involved with a partner and wasn't about to leave him. Nonetheless was happy to hear my sentiments of attraction.
She displayed great affection, respect for my feelings and consideration while turning me down.
Boys and girls: that's how it's done.
Boys, we need to learn how to ask woman if she's interested, not just expect an immediate return. Or turn into petulant children when the answer is no. Girls, you need to learn how to let a man down when you're not interested or not in a position to return attentions without putting HIM down. While maintaining yours and his respect. He's taking a hit and you're the one with the glove, so have some empathy. Reassure him don't just say "can't we just be friends". BE that friend.
We should all be treating each other with a lot more respect and consideration. Afterall, we need each other. How can we expect to find love when we don't even treat the person we reach out to or are being reached out to by, with respect, with empathy?
Love is not a transaction, as much as it's been commodified. It really is another state of being when two (or more) people relinquish their egos for the sake of finding themselves within another.
'An other' that is just like me and who's feelings, who's well being, who's pleasure is as important to me as my own to the point when the distinction between us just melts away and we experience the moment augmented by being with each other, by being together.
It's a rare thing to achieve, if it can even be said to be achievable and it takes a long road of twists and turns to build that trust we call love. Yet the few times I found myself, my other self, within an other have been some of the happiest and most fulfilling times of my life.
It doesn't necessarily last, but there's nothing stopping it from lasting. One such joyful period of mutual melting produced my darling daughter Olivia.
Of course I am now even more in love with my friend for having treated me with such class and delicatesse. So the jokes on her! But seriously I went looking for something, probably in the wrong place and instead found something worth even more to me:
A true and loving friend who expresses her affection with honesty.
I am really lucky.
