12/31/2021
As today closes out 2021, I wanted to share a few things. I always want to make mention of how appreciative I am of those that went out of their way for myself, my family, and for Michael this year. Some of you do not know us well, and yet you stepped up when we needed you to do so. This will always be a fact I shall never forget. It has been an immensely painful and polarizing year for many of us, and my own family has felt serious struggles. As of now, my children are slowly finding some form of serenity, despite the darker times. I am not so fortunate.
For over forty five years, my one dream was to be a writer. I consider myself extremely lucky to have been published as often as I have been, as well as to be able to publish the works of those unknown before now. I am so humbled that huge numbers of people have tuned in to my radio show to hear me do hundreds of interviews, and that they send me such high praise. The fact that you chose to spend your time tuning in to hear me is so flattering. I am particularly proud of my film festival, as I built that from scratch. As of today, I am still a one woman show who is blessed to have some brilliant volunteers to help back me up during the year. Looking back, I have some wonderful memories of the festival Michael and I built together. We were able to combine our love of black and white cinema with our real life love story. I have also been able to write some wonderful scripts that Michael was able to bring to life, as well as shoot a few films with him behind the camera. I consider my career somewhat successful because I am told I proved to be inspirational, motivational and moving to others; not just because my numbers are high. I find that this last accomplishment means more than anything. The fact that Michael chose to follow my career in all aspects made me fall in love with him even more. I never had to ask him to listen to the radio, read an article, or attend the festival - he did so on his own. Every time I wanted to quit, stop doing some part of my career, or give up - he was always there to both reassure me and remind me that I am much better than I believe. Through our making of films together, he attempted to convince me that I am actually a good actress - but I beg to differ. I was only decent because I had such a damn good actor next to me on screen. He was also always there whenever I did on-camera interviews, as I am constantly terrified and timid when it comes to being in front of the camera. I had to have him somewhere in the corner of my eye, as he brought me a sense of courage I had not possessed prior to meeting him.
Over the last month since his passing, I have had time to sit in silence and decide what I am going to do about my personal and professional life. I realize that should I decide to throw my entire career away, that my Michael would hate this idea. However, for now, my mourning requires that I make some concrete changes. I can say that I will be removing almost all of my professional pages once I post my future intentions. My presence on social media will be basically non-existent, so people will actually have to either see me or speak to me on a phone or via Zoom. If someone does not have my contact information, you have until Sunday to reach out before I delete anything. Finally, I know that others are well intended in wanting to send me well wishes for the New Year. However, the idea of starting 2022 with the love of my life not joining me is not something I want a reminder of today.
Thanks for everything.
