11/13/2025
The last time I took a legitimate vacation was 3 years ago in LA. I remember doing on that trip, feeling hectic about getting all my letters done in time and silently quitting being an “artist”. Being a multi-hyphenate artist comes with a lot of juggling on top of feeling like everyone is reaching their goals faster than you are. Slowly, over time, I committed more to being an orchestra teacher/musician and felt there was no room for me as a visual artist. I convinced myself I didn’t have the skill, that it wasn’t worth my while, and nobody was seeing what I was creating anyway.
Some months ago, my sweet friend came over to borrow an amp from me and we got to chatting away for a looooong while (as the girls do 💁🏾♀️) and I remember sharing these feelings with her. How I don’t feel like there’s space for me as an artist and I’m tired of trying. Then she said something along the lines of “you’re an artist whether you are actively participating in it or not. You don’t always have to be doing to have that label.” These words have been stewing and brewing within me. I’m doing what I can, when I can, and I have a lot more on my plate than I share with others.
I let my work take over my life and lost sight of what brings me joy. And that joy was CREATING THINGS either by myself or with others. And the reason I felt so numb to everything was because I didn’t allow myself to have a break. To rest my brain and reset. To not be at a constant state of stress, anxiety, and depression…
So, I said yes to a trip to New York even though I was hesitant. I knew I wanted to go (it’s my first time and I’ve always dreamed of going since I was a wee Cheebs) but I didn’t think I could take a day off of work. Luckily, convinced me it was the right choice and, for once, I felt something other than insistent dread! I allowed myself to breathe for a change and, in return, I felt the need to make something again. I feel grateful for the feeling now because I’m not sure if that spark will continue as I return home, but I do know that even if it ceases, I’m an artist regardless 💕