06/29/2025
Happy Pride!
I came out to social-media-y’all as non-binary nearly 5 years ago, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. I consider(ed) myself someone who’s reasonably comfortable with being uncomfortable so, for a long time, I didn’t feel that addressing the discomfort of being perceived as a boy/man was worth considering…
But “need” is a tricky word. Are happiness and comfort things I need? I was doing okay in my masquerade… but I am happier, more comfortable in my skin, and feel so much more like myself with since coming out.
The term, non-binary, sometimes irks me because it can sound so clinical or theoretical… When asked by folks to elaborate what “non-binary” means to me, I often say “Well, I’m not a man… or a woman.” And non-binary is our most popular nomenclature.
And I identify this way because I feel it clearly within myself. While I *do* believe that dissolving the rigid gender binary would be beneficial to people of all genders, I don’t identify as non-binary because of a philosophical/political belief… I identify this way because, simply, it’s who I am, and being a more honest version of myself feels better.
Many people have asked me, “When people misgender you, does it upset you?” The short answer is “yes”, which is enough reason for people to try their very best to address folks accurately. (Yes, mistakes happen - it’s okay. But try!)
But I’d also like to express *why* it upsets me, mostly when people ignore non-binary folks or pretend we don’t exist (or cast us off as an ideologically-motivated stunt)… It makes me sad for *them* (no pun intended).
For those who deny, I think, “Where is this person’s curiosity for the experience of others? It must be sad to walk around this world with only an eye for the things that you’ve already identified. How will they discover new beauty?”
My hope for everyone, on the occasion of Pride and in the context of our ever-evolving world of beauty and chaos, is that we stay curious: about ourselves, about others, about why we feel/think the way we do. For me, life is more beautiful when we’re not scared to learn, to try, and to experience new things.
❤️🌈