Nigerian best funny jokes and stories

12/01/2021

NIGERIA FUNNY JOKES

UCHE: Mommy, can I go to Chidera’s house?
MOMMY: No!
UCHE: Why?
MOMMY: No fuel.
UCHE: Ahn ahn! I’m using my legs.
MOMMY: If you get missing, is it not a car we are going to use to find you?

12/01/2021

NIGERIA FUNNY JOKES

Akpos asks a lawyer for advice: Akpos: Mister Black, please help me. My neighbour won’t give my money back, and I really need them. Lawyer: No problem. Just provide the evidence he actually took that money. Akpos: But I have no evidence. Lawyer: That’s no problem. How much does he owe you? Akpos: $600. Lawyer: Then just text him and ask him to pay you your $2000 back. Akpos: Bu he only owes me $600. Lawyer: That’s what he will answer, and you will get evidence.

12/01/2021

If u agree with these proverbs , Say "ii" if u dont agree.... shut up 1. Na for old age ashawo dey know the value of pikin. 2. Woman wey never see problem... Na im dey still hold breast run. 3. Woman wey dey find pikin no dey wear pant sleep. 4. Rat wey follow lizard enter rain, Na later é go hear am. 5. Na for afternoon dem dey find black goat. 6. Weather hot!! É No mean say fowl go lay boiled egg. 7. EYE WEY DEY CRY DEY SEE ROAD. 8. Pikin wey him mama back cross water, wey say him march fish, wetin him mama go march? 9. Small pikin wey dem carry for back no know say the journey far. 10. Person wey don faint before no be stranger to death. 11. Person wey chop belle full, no know wetin hungry man dey see. 12. No be as woman dey close eye enjoy s*x she dey enjoy labour pains. 13. Yansh no get teeth but e dey cut s**t. 14. Lizard wey fall from tall iroko tree, if nobody hail am!! é go hail himself 15. Toto water small, but é reach prick take baff. 16. IF GIRL TAKE HUSBAND DO BOYFRIEND, SHE GO TAKE BOYFRIEND DO HUSBAND. 17. Cockroach wey jam fowl, jam bad luck. 18. Na cricket tell him children say, No matter how ground strong, Them no go sleep outside. 19. Pikin wey say him mama no fine they use style call him papa blind man. 20. No be eye wey dem take chop eba dem take dey share meat. 21. Person wey use Elephant set trap, na him know wetin he wan Catch. 22. When Breeze Blow Fowl Yash Go Open. 23. STUDENT WEY READ NA HIM SERIOUS, BUT STUDENT WEY PASS NA HIM KNOW BOOK. 24. Dem no dey tell tortoise say race don start. 25. Dem no dey tell blind man say salt no dey for food. 26. Before you see monkey, monkey don see you. 27. Thief wey jump fence enter house where owner dey wait for am, no go jump again. 28. If pikin say he sabi die, him papa sef go tell am say him sabi bury. 29. Na wetin dey sweet for goat mouth, Na im dey kill am. 30. If e be like say everybody dey craze" na you dey craze. 31. Meat wey you dey forbid, no use your teeth cut am.

10/17/2020

12/26/2019

Miss you guys.....1**Sleeping next to YOUR new bae or boo for the first time is tough. You have to breathe in English, not too loud, not too deep and not too fast.*

If you experience, you know.
2,**Suck his lips while rubbing his manhood, make him feel extra ordinary good, rub it till it stands strong then go to your bag and bring out a bible, then open to the part that says s*x before marriage is a sin.Watch out for part two*

3**Ladies who have s*x without making noise don’t ask questions in class.*
If I hear peem, I will call names, they are many here.
4**No matter how great the s*x is, GUYS will never smile while Cu***ng, They will only vibrate like NOKIA 3310*
5**You can't post your boyfriend bcos other boys will stop giving you money market strategy*
*keep it up Ladies*
6**Forget what I post on *THIS GROUP,* if u see me in real life u will be like "Wow, na dis quiet boy dey post those things"
7**Nigeria Barbers wil use powder To deceive u making u Look like Chris brown
But once u get home & bath BOOM!
YOU'RE WELCOME back to MR IBU
8**After the preaching,
The pastor asked Any virgin from the choir to lead us in closing prayer,
Till now we're still in church
9**Having s*x without romance is like entering a family house & not greeting people around there...... Its rude *
10** THE first time you did it,,,,did you cry????..
,,,,ME,,, I cried OOOO because it was very painful ,,,,, I mean the first time you peeled onion,,💙💜🙆😁😍like and comment for more jokes.

11/19/2019

WEEKEND JOKES 😂

1. I was Shocked when I heard A fat girl
singing I believe I Can Fly " My sister, have
you Ever seen an Elephant Flying Before?☺😊😀😁😂

2. Women will always tell you that men can cheat and tell lies, but they seem to forgeting that "What a man can do, a woman can do better"... Guys are you with me??☺😊😀😁

3. My friend forgot his apple laptop on the floor in my room. My grandma thought it was a scale.
CONCLUSION: My grandma now weighs 250,500naira☺😊😀😁😅😁

4. She told me she was coming to
my place by 9pm, But
she came by 7 pm & caught me
with another
woman...How can I forgive her for
lying to me??☺😊😀😁😂😄

5. Last night I had a dream and I was kissing my neighbour's daughter but this morning she saw me
and pretended like nothing happened
Girls can pretend ooh☺😊😀😁😂

6. Some people will come to the ATM,
see others on queue and still ask
"is it paying"?
No, we came to vote for Buhari Again.. Please shift joor!☺😊😊😀😀

7. I don't no why people who Sits in front of
a commercial Bus always Feel as if they
Have made it in life☺😊😀😁😂

8. I will be naming my daughter *'Pregnant''* so when a guy meets her:
Guy: Hi, am *lucky*
Her: Hi, am *Pregnant.*
*case Closed*☺😊😀😁😂

9. When you are not fasting you
can stay till afternoon without
feeling hungry.
But when you are fasting, even Tv
remote will be looking like gala in
your eyes... Is that not witchcraft??☺😊😀😀😁😊😀

10. My girlfriend just caught my side chick n I in bed, she went straight to the kitchen to boil hot water .. Think she's getting us some tea😋😋😋😋😁😁😀

11. De most patience customers in de world are those buying Condom. Dey will like, serve him first i will wait☺😊😀😁😂😃

12. I never knew the power of w**d until I saw a 90years old man telling me he wants to be a lawyer when he grows....☺😊😀😁

13. Stop taking pictures beside people's car, your village people will kill you for nothing.*☺😊😀😁

11/19/2019

A friend of mine asked me if I'm willing to go to
London... See question!!
Who wants to stay in this Nigeria where
1. Fowls r**e themselves
2. Exam questions come out before the proposed
examination date
3. Bigger Banana are cheaper while smaller ones are
expensive.
4. You buy Suya 100 Naira and when you get home, you
realise the Aboki sold Onions 70 Naira and meat 30
Naira.😂😔😔😫
5. Garri is more expensive than Noodles.. Try drinking
the Garri for 20 Days straight, Falz Glasses will be small
size compared to your own.😂🙏🙏😔😫
6. You get Pirated Yoruba movie and you get home to
see Bruce Lee(Enter the Dragon Part 1)
7. Ghosts in nollywood fear cars when crossing the road because
They don't want to die again
If you advice me to stay in Nigeria ehn! Hmmmmmmmn
JUST dnt let me talk!!!!! ☺😊😀😀😁🏃🏃🏃🏃💔😫💰💰

11/19/2019

LAFFIN PILLS 😂😂😂😂

1. Its only in Nigeria🇳🇬 you will tell someone how you suffered while growing up and they reply”you no suffer reach me”as if suffering is a competition…nawa ooh..😕😕

2. Don’t kill yourself over someone who fail to value or see ur worth.
someone somewhere is willing to buy all your friends suya just to get your number
💯

3. A real woman is da one who stays up all night to kill mosquitoes while you sleep.
Choose your wife carefully guyz???
?🏃🏃

4. Yesterday on my way back from work ??? i saw a group of people ??? surrounding a bus conductor ? and they were saying give me change ? so i joined them ??? .
I collected #100 ??? suddenly offering money don set…….?😍😜😜

5. How do u identify a true music lover?😍
A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear 👂to the keyhole instead of his eye!👀😂😂🏃

6. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!👌👌💯

7. Nowadays, boys don’t do hit and run again. They will hit, hit, hit, hit and hit again. My Sister, you’ll run away yourself.???😐😛😛

8. I knew d economic state was worse Wen I heard someone pricing NEPA BILL..
He was like ‘Bros Abeg how much for low current????😝😝😝

9. People change completely when
they start using iPhone📱
It must be the Apple ?🍏
It changed Eve too??.

10. You stay in a single room but we see you posting “feeling asleep with 99 others”
My friend where will those 99 people sleep?
On the roof abi?😂😂😂

12. WHAT IS WITCHCRAFT????
Well “witchcraft” can simply be defined as a situation whereby you entered your room, slept on your bed 🛌🏻and when you woke up you saw you and your mattress at the middle of the Atlantic ocean. 😂😂😂

APPRECIATE BY SHARING 💃 💃💃 💃

11/17/2019

When I thought that have seen it all
BOOM!!