09/29/2021
I miss her so much. Her laugh. Her humor. Her cooking. Even her side eye lol
She had a hunch about people. She didn’t trust many but the ones she did, she called family. She knew who wasn’t true. She knew who was good at heart. She ignored the exterior and saw through people. People loved her.
There’s so much I never said that I’ve written in letters. Letters she’ll never get. Feelings she’ll never hear.
I know she’s everywhere I am but the intangible presence is sometimes not enough for me. Sometimes, I just want my mom. Every time, I have to accept she isn’t physically here. & man, that sucks.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m so grateful for the love in my life, the support in my life, the people in my life. I’m so grateful for what she taught me and who she raised me to be.
Most days I stick to the positive side of “loss” and focus on the fact there comes a time where we all transition when we get called home. I focus on the fact that where she is knows no pain, or emotional weight, nor good or bad, nor time or space. Where she is they just are and everyone we’ve ever loved who is by her side is waiting for the rest of us to become.
Her life was hard here and heaven meant peace. It meant rest. She was ready. I simply wasn’t.
I have work to do here. A purpose to fulfill. Pain that needs worth. A spirit that needs growth. Trauma that needs release. A heart that needs to give and receive love. Hope that needs to be gifted. Roughness that needs smoothing.
If I had to lose her then it must be because I can’t possibly imagine the win that’s on the way. It’ll never measure up but it’ll bring me peace.
What are ways you deal with your sadness, your grief? I run. I write. I read. I work. I share. Here I am, sharing. I’d like it if you shared too.
Thanks for spending this time with me if you’ve read this far. Truly. Thank you.