10/25/2020
Hello Poetry Leap Followers:
This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Not very poetic, I know, but it is an important topic to address.
It is a delicate topic, but it will only get more difficult if we keep sweeping it under the rug in shame, self-blame, enabling of the abuser. The outcomes can be devastating and have impact on future generations that frankly, they don't deserve.
It is likely that Domestic Violence has effected us all in some way, similar to Substance Abuse, it is a penetrating cycle that can weave through so many families. Co-Dependent behavior patterns of enabling often exist simultaneously. But, none of these are easy conversation topics for so many reasons. They make us cringe.
I loathe the words Domestic Violence, so much so, that the poet/writer in me wants to transpose it with "Domestic Violets," to infuse some light and hope into this "dirty word." But it is time we call it what it is.
It is not my desire to make this out to be made a "girls against the boys" deal. That is unfair. There are still righteous, selfless, respectful, well-adjusted men with self-control in this world. And, well, there are women who possess chronic abusive behaviors.
And, although it is uncommon for an abuser to take sincere accountability and convert their ways, it does happen. There are redemption stories that exist, most significantly when their enablers disable and begin to call their abusive loved one out.
I do want to address this as "we can and must do better" in raising and role modeling to our young men to know that abusive patterns are not an option and to our young women to know that they are not deserving of or to blame for, dangerous, life-threatening violence toward them. It is not an accepted way of interacting with those we love.
In addition, we need to continue to research and address why it is sky-rocketing and how to proactively intercede. I am a strong believer, that there are many spiritual strong holds that pass through generations, that need to be prayerfully and behaviorally addressed, in taking measures to afront these statistics.
I heartfeltedly believe that we need to engage in more proactive dialogue on this uncomfortable, stomach stirring, shame bubbling topic. Something is amiss, and it will not go away by pushing another incident under the proverbial rug waiting for the next generation to step on it.
So, we must ask ourselves, what are we all doing to engage in this conversation and to be an active part of this chain breaking and shame shattering?
The following song lyric "God's Grace", addresses the general story line so many have tragically encountered, a lyric wrote over a decade ago after witnessing stories throughout my life and documentaries of survivors. While unfortunately, this cycle rearing its head in my own marriage in years following, in ways that I am still processing and connecting the dots.
It is my sincere hope that if you are a survivor of Domestic Violence, while reading "God's Grace," that you will find a small opening toward healing in a "not feeling alone in your story," kind of way. As you are not alone and the grace of our God is a safe landing place for you to regain your voice and heal.
If you are on the other end and have acted out in physical violence against a spouse or loved one, or are on the brink, and are committed to break this chain/impulse, please seek out guidance from a Pastor, Counselor, Military Command, HR, Anger Control Support Group or AA... as once you raise your hand to a spouse or loved one, it is life altering for more than just you.
It is known that if a young child witnesses abuse, it physiologically changes their brain on the spot. I know you want better for your life than to irreversibly damage your precious loved one or the mother of your child.
Those that have had poor examples, minimal positive role models and other foundational life short comings, and in turn, have surpassed your anger threshold into acts of violence toward a girl friend or spouse, you, as well, are not alone. This is not at all acceptable, these behaviors, but you are not alone.
The American family is struggling with an underbelly of co-dependant substance abuse, anger issues; emotional, spiritual and physical abuse; much of this is linked to unresolved trauma and/or lack of positive male role models, attributing to this inclination toward increased DV rates. There are other correlative variables, as well, that are addressed in a well researched way, in a book by Lundy Bancroft PHd, "Why Does He Do It?"
These may all help to explain why Domestic Violence occurs, but they do NOT excuse it. It is felony offense for a reason. Domestic Violence merits a severe felony consequence, if fully prosecuted. There is a lot to lose. Too much.
From a faith talk perspective, the Devil is trying so damn hard to obliterate the American Family, most specifically the marital/familial unit with thorns like Domestic Violence. Refuse to let him! Do not be a pawn in his twisted Chess Game.
I strongly recommend that you prayerfully repent on any violent incidences you commited to your Heavenly Father; and want you to know full well there is a God that wants the best for you, a more righteous version of you, who honors God and the blessings He has bestowed upon you in the sanctity of marriage and blessing of fatherhood. This amazing God simply does not have violence toward your mate as a part of His loving plan for you.
Instead He has patience, love, kindness, joy, purpose, straight paths, humility, humbleness, discernment, peace, stewardship, obedience, selflessness, service, righteousness... all these things! This is waiting for you... this, in its totality is called, "God's Grace."
God’s Grace- © 2008, 41 Main Street, Edgartown Martha’s Vineyard, Stephanie Bryant (Johnson)
First Verse-
When we’re little they us dreams come true. They even sell us what dreamin' to do. Gracie was groomed, paraded in pink. Her brother was told to be strong and think. Soon she was grown and went out alone To check off the boxes that she was sold.
Pre-Chorus
She fell for the list that made her
A promise of what's hers and his,
Sealed with that first magic kiss.
Mister Prince.
Chorus
What is Grace to do, when her blanket
Of bliss doesn't cover what's true?
Second Verse
She wasn't told the dream could turn gray. Pretty turned pretty ugly that day. Does she keep it on the down and low? Anything to soften the blow She crawls and cries, prays and pleads, Are fairy-tale pages just meant to read?
Babies to feed.
Pre-Chorus
We've all.....fallen from grace,
When childhood promises lie to our face.
This was her first tragic taste.
Dissed Grace.
Chorus
What is Grace to do? Improvise?
When her blanket of bliss uncovers truth lies. What is Grace to do?
To cover big lies from little eyes?
Momma dies, inside.
Bridge
Grace grabs her foundation and keeps on piling It over the spot so she can keep smiling. Then makes a decision, nothing to lose, Her body will break if her soul won't refuse to...
Pre Chorus
Fall for the list, that made her a promise of What's hers and his. Could it be with "Mr. Prince"
She’d "missed her Prince? Mistaken identity, is that all it is?
Chorus
What is Grace to do,
When her story book crown's
Been cracked, then glued?
What is Grace to do?
When her vision of love’s
Been so misconstrued?
Third Verse
She'll paint a new picture, black and white. Hit or miss, she's free tonight. Have mercy on Grace, she's through. Her bogus bliss, couldn't cover the bruise. This time she'll choose
Her own dreamin' to chase Where she’ll become the greatest of Grace.
He'll call her crazy, that's what he does. And others, he's charmed, will doubt what was. Still, God's Grace, will fight for the truth to rise. As two little angel’s uncover their eyes.
What else can Grace to do?
God’s Grace will fight like wild for what’s true.
From the land of no more black and blue...
And God’s Grace grants the same wish for you.
Original Lyric- Stephanie Renae Bryant, 2018 (Most recent rewrite)
