08/15/2026
The Power of Allowing
So, what actually is this divine feminine thing?
My friend asked me this yesterday, as we sat at a rooftop bar looking out at a view I had wanted to see for eight years.
I smiled ...
Because perhaps there was something rather fitting about the question being asked in that moment.
I have spent a lot of my life doing.
Making things happen. Providing. Leading. Solving. Organising. Getting on with it.
I became very good at being an Actioneer a word I created to acknowledge this . It served me well. In fact, it provided me with an income and created a life where I could make things happen. I have always believed that actions speak much louder than words. Perhaps that comes from childhood too, learning to do, to take action, to get things done.
When you have raised males, there can be another layer to it. You become all the things. You lead. You provide. You organise. You know the answer. You make the decision. You keep everything moving.
So when my friend asked, “What is the divine feminine?”, I didn't want to give her some very “woo woo” answer.
Instead, I found myself saying:
Perhaps it is not always leading.
Perhaps it is not always providing.
Perhaps it is not always having the answer.
Perhaps it is allowing someone else to step in....
And maybe, at its simplest, it is learning to receive.
Quite a few years ago, someone gave me some feedback that stayed with me.
They said I wasn't particularly good at receiving.
I was much more comfortable being the giver.
At the time, I didn't get it .....
When you have spent years being capable, independent and in action, receiving can feel surprisingly unfamiliar and at that time why would I of?
Even something as simple as accepting a compliment.
In Transactional Analysis, this is call it discounting a positive stroke, when someone gives us a compliment and instead of simply receiving it, we minimise it or explain it away.
Someone might say, "I really like that dress
And instead of simply saying “Thank you,”we respond:
“Oh, this old thing? I've had it for years.”
Or:
“It's nothing special.”
We immediately find a way not to receive.
What if we just allowed the compliment to land?
Thank you.
No explanation. No minimising. No need to give something back.
Just receiving.
Perhaps the art of allowing begins there.
Not with anything particularly mystical, but with creating a little more softness in our awareness.
A pause.
A space.
A willingness not to immediately step in.
Yesterday, as we watched people travelling home on the train, we started noticing something else.
How many men gave up their seats?
It became an observation between us.
Who was giving?
Who was receiving?
Who was stepping forward?
Who was allowing someone else to step forward or in this case sit down?
And perhaps this is where my understanding of the divine feminine is beginning to evolve.
It isn't about becoming less capable.
It isn't about giving up our independence.
It isn't about sitting quietly and waiting for someone else to take over.
For me, it is becoming conscious of the difference between doing because I need to do something and doing because I have chosen to.
It is knowing when to lead and when to allow someone else to lead.
Knowing when to give and when to receive.
Knowing when to provide the answer and when to leave enough space for someone else to find it.
Maybe the divine feminine isn't as “woo woo” as we sometimes make it.
Maybe it is simply the practice of allowing.
And perhaps the real power isn't in how much we can do.
Perhaps it is in what happens when we stop doing for a moment...and allow life, and other people, to meet us there.
