https://www.instagram.com/dearmormonme/

Dear Mormon Me, Lehi, UT (2026)

11/02/2025

If it wasn't ever about modesty, why did it have to be garments? There are SO many things that could have been a much more personal and applicable reminder of my covenants. They were designed to be undergarments for a reason.

Adding my thoughts and experiences to the garments and modesty discussion. Feel free to share your own. I only use more recent examples in my slides, since these were the words than affected me the most. But in my research, there was endless data here. And while language may have softened in recent years as we become more vocal about this conversation, that doesn't undo the harm and lingering effect these words have had. So, it is worth talking about.

Links to all these included sources can be found under the highlight "New Garments".

01/17/2024

In the process of reevaluating my personal values and beliefs that comes along with deconstructing religion, I think I have discovered what truly matters the most to me.

Authenticity.

I believe our stories are what matter most. It’s what lingers after we’re gone. It’s what defines us and informs our actions.

What a gift to be able to tell my TRUE story.

The freedom to live authentically after stepping away from the predefined box created for me by a religion has been life changing.

I realize with this authenticity comes with the cost of clashing with loved ones and members who still hold strong to my former beliefs that I now publicly dissect and analyze. Having been a member for most of my life, I understand how it stings to see something so valuable and sacred seemingly misrepresented. I get why it can feel like an attack.

Which is why I try to add nuance and empathy when discussing these things. It’s tricky, I don’t always do a good job. But I’m trying. I accept the pushback and consequences that come with these hard discussions.

But I also feel that anything truly worth believing in is worthy of discussion. It should be able to withstand scrutiny.

So, today, I am sharing with you just a few thoughts about why I choose to authentically share my story and my thoughts about my former beliefs, even when I know it makes people uncomfortable.

And why I think it’s *heh* futile to try to get me to shut up.

08/15/2023

My friends, I would love if you would share with me the places on peace and refuge and inspiration and enlightenment that you have found since moving forward from the LDS church (or any belief system). I realize that while the temple wasn’t it for a lot of us, for many of us it was. Its a hard thing to give up for many. It’s a harrowing and beautiful journey to reclaim spirituality and to find enlightenment in any circumstance!

So where have you found it? Is it the vast beauty nature? Is it community? Is it sitting and enjoying a favorite show after a long, overstimulating day? Is it found in creating? In art? In music? In meditation? In a new perspective? In epic quests steeped in nerdery? In seeing your favorite team or musician? In connecting deeply with another human? I’d be honored to know.

06/26/2023

Very few people have asked me why I left. I know they have their theories. I hear through the grapevine that people have said I’m an alcoholic now, or that I never really had a true testimony. That I was offended or Satan has tricked me into wanting to be part of the fads and fashions of the world.

I recently saw an LDS influencer mormonsplaining why people leave. Her reasons were grossly reductive, dismissive, and definitely the answers that would be written on the chalkboard during this discussion in Sunday school.

As people started to pile in the comments to explain why they ~actually~ left, the comments were turned off.

She had an audience ready to educate her about her misinformation when dictating their journey, and she chose silence. What a missed opportunity for her to listen and learn.

It is rare that even the closest of friends and family in the church care to actually understand why we leave. But they certainly have their theories and opinions.

I wonder why people opt to ignorantly assume over lovingly understanding?

Everyone’s journey in and out of the church is extremely unique. There isn’t a magic answer to why everyone leaves or stays. Postmos and members are not a monolith. To flash some oversimplified, low-hanging reasons people would “leave” the church over is exactly what creates the toxic culture and ignorance people in the church claim to hate so much.

My testimony was freaking solid. It was unshakable. I too excused the culture, racism, mistreatment of marginalized groups, problematic history, etc because i believed SO strongly in the gospel. It’s cringe to think we’d give up our faith in the one true church on the face of the earth so easily.

I can understand why believing members often avoid the conversation- because there is information out there that made me deconstruct my immovable faith in this church and that is scary. It was a painful, life changing awakening. It’s taken nearly a decade to unpack, and I’m still working through it.

In the spirit of education, let’s dismantle this toxic part of the culture. I want to hear all the very wrong answers that you’ve been told why you left the church.

05/07/2023

I feel compelled to speak up when I know I will be discussed at church. I speak up because I know I will be misrepresented. I know because for 30 years I sat in those meetings. And I know because I once said the things that LDS congregants will now say about me.

I deeply understand the sadness of family and friends as they mourn my exodus from the religion we once shared. I can empathize as it’s grief I once shared for my friends who left before me.

I realize now a lot of that pain is caused by the church and how they choose to address this increasingly common situation. The church is facing an epidemic of people leaving. These lessons don’t help. It makes it worse.

The lesson I discuss in this post suggests a song to be sung- “Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd.”

“2. Dear to the heart of the Shepherd,
Dear are the lambs of his fold;
Some from the pastures are straying,
Hungry and helpless and cold…”

“Out in the desert they wander,
Hungry and helpless and cold;
Off to the rescue he hastens,
Bringing them back to the fold.”

I never internalized the imagery this song provokes like i do now. The tune shifts from the sweet, major tune of the verse to a sad and ominous minor chorus as it talks about the hungry and helpless and cold wandering sheep. It’s so sad.

I’m that sheep.

But I’m not hungry, helpless, or cold. I’m not lost.

By daring to wander, I have found myself. I’m happy and joyful and elated with my self discovery outside of the church. I’m whole. I’m thriving.

This song would suggest otherwise.

Which is why these lessons now fall so flat. This rhetoric perpetuates an experience that doesn’t represent my own. Nor the experience of most people who have left the church who have shared with me. And now we brace ourselves for the wave of unsolicited texts, calls, drop-ins.

In the interests of facilitating understanding rather than perpetuating misinformation, I share these sentiments. Hopefully it helps. My frustration with seeing my and other’s stories so falsely represented at the church we once called home is why I created this account.

I’d prefer talk about it than be talked about.

Please consider this as I am discussed in your lessons.

04/04/2023

Time for our next Post-Mo achievement!

I know garments are a touchy subject, and I am trying my best to handle the subject respectfully while still representing my (and maybe others’) honest experience. I try to only depict what the church has shown publicly.

I want to talk about this to help foster understanding about what one experiences while leaving the LDS church. I want to normalize this conversation in a constructive way. I’m not trying to tear down any one’s faith- I’m trying to help you understand mine.

As garments are a physically tangible part of most people’s experience in the LDS faith, it can be especially hard when unpacking garments from our life (and literally from our dressers).

For those who no longer wear garments, was it hard or easy to stop? How long did they sit in your drawers, in a bag in the corner of the closet, in the garage, before finally feeling comfortable enough to let go of them completely? Did you feel compelled to hide the fact you stopped or did you easily transition into your newly expanded wardrobe?

I’d love to hear your experience.

02/22/2023

We had our recommend taken from us for opting to pay the delivery bills for our son’s birth for a few months instead of our meager tithing offerings.

As our temple privileges were revoked, just as it had been much repeated in conference, were told we should pay our tithing first and then ask the church for what we need. I didn’t feel okay about that. But our bishop’s priesthood authority trumped our personal revelation.

Hearing how the church goes to great lengths to be so tricky and secret about its unbelievable wealth, well, it makes me a bit ill.

Being declared “unworthy” to enter the most holy house of the lord was one of the more traumatic moments of my life. It struck me to my very core. I was the most stalwart believer, and they judged me unworthy for not giving them enough money.

My husband and I held multiple high-demand callings at a time to support our struggling ward. I woke up at 4:30am to drive young women in our ward to early morning seminary by 5am. I volunteered my designs and illustrations for a website where i made handouts for weekly church lessons. We gave our time, talents, money, energy, and mind to supporting this church any way we reasonably could. And yet we were unworthy.

We were declared “unworthy” because we couldn’t afford to give them a few hundred dollars. Meanwhile the church is quietly investing in companies that own Coke, Apple, and Victoria’s Secret, amassing ridiculous amounts of wealth and they are the 5th largest land owner in the US. Where’s their accountability?

Should the church be held to this same standard of scrutiny around their own earnings? Do they pay 10% of their income to charity? Who do they declare that to? Why are we expected to give so generously and then we aren’t even allowed to know what becomes of these tithes? Why is the church so secret about their financial dealings? What are they trying to hide? What is the church’s worthiness status based on?

When does the church get their recommend taken away?

01/27/2023

Time for our next Post-Mo Achievement!

PIMO= Physically In, Mentally Out

I’m pulling cosmic podium for this one. It represents reclaiming our spirituality and finding our voice once again. We tell our own story now.

I want to honor those who have made the difficult journey from the silent deconstruction within their minds to finally vocalizing their experience. Even if it’s just admitting it to ourselves that we are done with the church, which is often the hardest part.

There are so many very important and valid reasons why we keep quiet. Sometimes the consequences of speaking these thoughts out loud could be devastating to marriages, it could destroy family relationships, bring forth community rejection, jobs could be lost, inheritances cut off. Maybe we’re not ready to take that step. Sometimes keeping quiet is the safest thing to do, and we physically stay in the church while we mentally work out the best way to proceed with our exit.

Knowing that, I wanted to recognize those who have finally reached the point where they have made their faith transition known out loud in any form. From writing it down in your own journal to publicly announcing it over social media, this is a big step in reclaiming your authority in this journey. It’s a public manifestation that you are the one who is in control.

People downplay the importance of this step. ‘Why do you need to publicly announce that you’ve left your religion?’ they ask. I think the answer is in the question. We were part of a religion where it was so intrinsically tied to our identity and so incredibly difficult and to leave, that the fact that we did leave is one of the hardest things we have ever had to do.

The church warns its members not to listen to those who leave. They try to stop these discussions with the tired ‘you can leave the church but you can’t leave it alone,’ as if our lifetime of experience within that religion is suddenly obsolete now that we’ve left. The fact that it’s so damn hard to leave is exactly why we talk about it. And I think that deserves recognition.

01/16/2023

If there’s one concept the church heavily emphasizes, it’s agency. Our God-given gift to choose, whether it be right or wrong.

So they say.

One thing that stepping away from my church has allowed me to do is reflect on my life without the fear that comes along with questioning my faith. Asking questions while still trying to maintain my faith definitely hindered my ability to consider anything that might harm my testimony. I actively avoided it.

Not anymore.

Free from the confines of the religion I was assigned at birth,

I can now reflect.

This is my story. These were just my choices. There are so many more choices others are expected to make beyond the ones I mention here. These choices impact us all in unique ways.

If agency is as important as the church makes it out to be, then just as important is understanding why we make those choices. And how important informed consent is when making them.

I recognize that others who have made these choices have had a very different experience than mine. I also understand how seeing sacred things being spoken of like this can be upsetting. I try to maintain respect when discussing these tricky subjects. But part of reclaiming my authority is allowing myself to tell my whole story, and those things are part of it.

Telling my story is an empowering choice I have made.

11/30/2022

Brace yourselves. It appears the Utah Area LDS leaders are putting out another call to invite people to Christmas Sunday service. The directive is to invite 125 people to the ward’s Christmas Service.

So, I totally get it. I sat in the church meetings and councils where specific families and names were mentioned. We talked endlessly about missionary opportunities and how we can bring people into the Gospel. We saw it as a loving gesture to keep these wandering souls in our hearts.

Now I’m on those lists. Now my name comes up in ward council and my children’s eternal salvations are prayed for. Now WE are the invited.

But the interesting thing is- all these people who invite me, strangers who who show up at my door, or send these texts, who pray for me weekly, have no idea WHY I’m not at church.

They’ve never asked why we don’t come. But they seem real motivated to get me back.

Who is this invite really for? What are they getting out of asking me? Do they understand that I am very much aware that I am but a number amongst the 125 they have been pressured to reach out to? Ouch.

It’s hard for both of us. I can sense the uncomfortable tension as these visits and calls come in. We smile and play a polite game, feigning ignorance of the fact that we’re both aware of what the other is really thinking.

And then they are relieved as they check me off the list. And I feel ostracized and misunderstood yet again as my community continues to avoid me throughout the rest of the year until that checklist pops up again and these awkward, inorganic encounters commence yet again. I would absolutely love to be their friend. Their association with the church makes me hard to trust their intentions. Because I sat in those meetings, I know. They are at my door because my name is on a list.

So I ask- if you don’t even know why I’m not at church, how could you possibly know how to get me to come back?

I ask again- Who is this invitation really for?

10/03/2022

I’ve spent the weekend collecting my thoughts. Something that has been a little difficult to do when my feeds and DMs were flooded with well-meaning members of the LDS church making sure I join them in celebrating this update. They thought it would make me happy. This is evidence to me that people may still be unknowingly ignorant of my thoughts on this issue. So I thought I’d explain.

I’m not sure members understand how hard this change has been for a lot of us mentally. I think they felt this would be a joyous occasion to see this finally happen, which is thoughtful. And I am happy for this new generation of church youth that will get a much more nuanced guidebook.

But I wanted to explain why despite the progressive updates to these church standards, this has been a time of hurt and mourning for me and many others. It’s brought up some deep feelings that have been hard for me.

Hopefully this can help people understand why progressive, positive changes in the church often come with very mixed feelings and emotions. I wish I could celebrate with you. I am happy for you. But I am not able to celebrate with you.

Dear Mormon Me

11/02/2025

01/17/2024

08/15/2023

06/26/2023

05/07/2023

04/04/2023

02/22/2023

01/27/2023

01/16/2023

11/30/2022

10/03/2022

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