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G. David Howard

G. David Howard G. David Howard has been doing stand-up comedy for more than 46 years. Live stand-up comedy by the legendary G. David Howard. No repeats and no breaks.

David made it into The Guinness Book of World Records by doing a 16 hour non-stop show. People laugh until their faces hurt.

Operating as usual

11/15/2022

Election officials in Nevada admitted cameras in a counting room went dark for 8 hours, but they assured it won't happen again.
No harm, no foul???? I guess that settles that. I feel better now.
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The invisible Red Wave: How to ruin an election.IMHO, Biden's student loan forgiveness hustle probably “bought” millions...
11/13/2022
Amazon.com: half of america is nuts and they're allowed to vote: Books

The invisible Red Wave: How to ruin an election.
IMHO, Biden's student loan forgiveness hustle probably “bought” millions of votes for Democrats. Now that Biden’s vote-buying bribe scheme has been defined, by a Federal Judge, as an illegal and unconstitutional hustle, and no longer available, I think the debtors who voted “D” should be permitted to vote anew.
As a matter of fact, I think a complete do-over is needed. This 2022 election has been an unmitigated disaster, i.e., broken tabulators and computers, missing ballot paper, ink, and toner, counting room cameras turned off for more than an eight-hour stretch, prolonged and stalled vote counting, uncounted ballots dumped into a box containing counted ballots, and other numerous irregularities country wide.
Let’s scrap everything and vote all over again.
G Spot Satire
gdavidhoward.com

Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

11/03/2022

As Three Degrees Joe recently said, “Listen folks, it’s not about the uh…. Uh…. ghost of gas, it’s about the uh wizlgtrupers. And I mean that. I’m not dripping.”

11/01/2022

Toward the end of election campaigns, the political ads get almost this stupid.
“I am Farley Fixed, and I approve this message.”
“Could you vote for someone with a history of kicking puppies and drowning kittens, who is now in favor of executing unvaccinated Americans and election deniers? My fellow Americans, my opponent is now giving free hammers to his campaign donors. Is this the kind of person you want to elect?”

10/28/2022

One sentence, two lies. This ex truck driving professor is incorrigible.
Yesterday, Three Degrees Joe said, "The most common price of gas in America is ●$3.39, down from over ♦$5 when I took office."
The current national average for a gallon of regular gasoline is ●$3.79.
Jan 20, 2021, the average price for gasoline was ♦$2.379/gallon.

10/27/2022

Should a GOAT quit before becoming a goat?

10/25/2022

What would we do without Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters?
Remember how easily Maxine solved the problem with those pesky homeless protesters? She told them to “go home”. Problem solved.
Yesterday, Nancy put the WH and MSM on the right track by telling them they have been barking up the wrong tree by trying to stop inflation. They must have felt like idiots when Nancy said, “Inflation is NOT the problem. The problem is the cost of living.”
G Spot Satire
gdavidhoward.com

Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

It is an exercise in futility to debate a liar.All pollical debates should be monitored by a duly sworn judge or other b...
10/24/2022
Amazon.com: half of america is nuts and they're allowed to vote: Books

It is an exercise in futility to debate a liar.
All pollical debates should be monitored by a duly sworn judge or other bona fide officer of the court. Each candidate should be publicly sworn in, under the penalty of perjury, before the debate. This would render people like Biden and Crist virtually speechless.
G Spot Satire
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Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

Bannon gets four years in jailU.S. District Judge Carl Nichols handed down the sentence after saying the law was clear t...
10/21/2022
Amazon.com: half of america is nuts and they're allowed to vote: Books

Bannon gets four years in jail
U.S. District Judge Carl Nichols handed down the sentence after saying the law was clear that contempt of Congress is subject to a mandatory minimum sentence of at least one month behind bars.
Bannon was found guilty of contempt of Congress. He has been fined $6,500 and sentenced to jail time.
Eric Holder was found guilty of contempt of Congress and continued to be AG and Obama’s wingman. No fine. No punishment. Not a shamey shamey, a tsk tsk, or a harumph.
G Spot Satire
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Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

10/19/2022

Fill in the blanks
Who would have thought a white kid who grew up in a Delaware neighborhood, called Little San Juan, where he backed down gang leaders, would go on to contend for the Heisman Trophy, march for civil rights, become a lawyer, a college professor, and would eventually drive a Peterbilt across the country? When ___ _____ drove that 18-wheeler to Selma, loaded with food and water for the civil rights marchers, he was arrested for crossing the police line. That was the second arrest for ___. He had previously been arrested in South Africa for trying to free Nelson Mandela.
He since has risen to reach much greater heights despite opposition from dog-faced pony soldiers, stupid so**********ch reporters, semi fascists, white supremacists, neo-N**is, and domestic terrorists. These people obviously did not know that “you don’t f**k with a _____”.

The new mental health bill will target those who are mentally ill and considered a danger to themselves or a danger to s...
10/19/2022
Amazon.com: Half Of America Is Nuts And They're Allowed To Vote: Books

The new mental health bill will target those who are mentally ill and considered a danger to themselves or a danger to society. When the bill comes up for a vote, there are members of the House and the Senate who will be facing a conflict-of-interest situation and should recuse themselves from voting. Conflict-of-interest will also be a problem for most of MSM, some of the ladies on the View, Morning Joe, and most of the late-night talk show hosts.
The problem is who gets to decide who is nuts and who is going to tell them they’re nuts? I am proposing the American Psychiatric Association and the AMA work together and develop a Nut Meter. A Nut Meter would be a great tool for the FEC, MSNBC, CNN, gun shop owners, the FCC, and Woke corporations.
G Spot Satire
gdavidhoward.com

Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

10/16/2022

If an FBI official said it, you can take it to the bank.
FBI officials are warning to watch out for misinformation coming from Russia in their effort to interfere with the midterm elections in November. Remember the ‘misinformation’ they put out about Hunter Biden’s laptop in 2020?

10/16/2022

Troy Aikman apologized to the cancel culture loons. Troy should know deranged people cannot be placated. In my opinion, cancel culture advocates are mentally ill and it’s best to just ignore them.

N**i propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels said if you repeat a lie often enough it becomes the truth. That is especially ...
10/16/2022
Amazon.com: Half Of America Is Nuts And They're Allowed To Vote: Books

N**i propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels said if you repeat a lie often enough it becomes the truth. That is especially so if “the lie” is repeated verbatim by many speakers, repeatedly. The Dems have mastered this propaganda technique with help from their comrades in the mainstream media. Every one of these spreaders repeat “the lie” the same way, without exception.
While watching Lawrence Jones’ Cross Country show last night, I could not believe my ears. Lawrence was interviewing a panel of voters in Milwaukee.
●One voter blamed the cost of gas on greedy oil companies, the war in Ukraine, and the previous administration, implying gas prices had already started increasing before Biden went into office. The Dems on the panel insisted that Biden has done nothing to cause gas prices to rise.
●Another gentleman, speaking about inflation, said inflation started during the Trump administration. He said the previous administration didn’t even try to bring inflation down. He said Biden inherited the inflation and he’s trying to do something about it.
●The Dems on the panel made the argument that it was Republicans who defunded police.
All these claims are 180 degrees wrong. Not a shred of truth in any of them. Okay, I know the game plan. What I couldn’t believe was Lawrence never challenged any of these lies, which is aiding and abetting the spreaders. I like Lawrence Jones and watch all his shows, but he allowed vomit to be spewed in his house and made no effort to clean it up.
I know part of Lawrence’s appeal is his non-confrontational style, but he could have at least planted an agnostic seed by offering a straw- man challenge.
I like your work, Lawrence and I’m still a fan, just think about it.
G. David Howard
gdavidhoward.com

Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

10/13/2022

I never dreamed, in the greatest and freest country the world as ever known, there would be an election offering Communists and Marxists as legitimate ballot choices. Who are the dupable people who would blindly vote “D”, risking forfeiture of freedom and sovereignty?
Woe is me! America’s future is in the hands of useful idiots, thugs, and cheaters.
SAVE AMERICA! VOTE “R”!
G. David Howard

10/11/2022

ELECTION 2022
NOT ALL DEMOCRATS ARE COMMUNISTS OR MARXISTS, BUT
ALL COMMUNISTS AND MARXISTS ARE DEMOCRATS!
IF YOU VOTE FOR A “D” YOU MIGHT BE VOTING
FOR A COMMUNIST, A MARXIST, OR A WOKE SOCIALIST; THEY’RE
INTERCHANGEABLE AND ALL ARE CATASTROPHIC.
WILLING TO TAKE THAT CHANCE?
G. DAVID HOWARD

In “Little Puerto Rico”, the Delaware neighborhood where Biden grew up, Joe was known as “Lying Jose Bideño”.  The local...
10/06/2022
Amazon.com: Half Of America Is Nuts And They're Allowed To Vote: Books

In “Little Puerto Rico”, the Delaware neighborhood where Biden grew up, Joe was known as “Lying Jose Bideño”. The locals nicknamed him “Lying Jose”, because of his obsession with telling tales about a mythical gang leader he called Corn Pop.
G Spot Satire
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Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

10/03/2022

Heads up to Vice President Cackle Hack and the rest of the most overtly prejudiced and racist administration in my lifetime: The Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, s*x or national origin.

Don’t believe anything a communist says.  Communists are over-the-top liars, it’s part of their DNA.  I’m reasonably sur...
10/02/2022
Amazon.com: Half Of America Is Nuts And They're Allowed To Vote: Books

Don’t believe anything a communist says. Communists are over-the-top liars, it’s part of their DNA. I’m reasonably sure Pelosi just conjured it up when she said, “In Florida, some of the farmers and the growers are saying 'why are you shipping these immigrants up North? We need them to pick the crops down here.”
Madam Speaker, name one. Come on, name one farmer who said that. Did those farmers Tweet or post that on FB? Did you actually hear or read what the Florida farmers and growers are ‘saying’, or did you just make it up?
G Spot Satire
gdavidhoward.com

Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

Anyone with two functioning brain cells, knows the Democrats, AKA Communists, have kept the border open in order to brin...
09/22/2022
Amazon.com: Half Of America Is Nuts And They're Allowed To Vote: Books

Anyone with two functioning brain cells, knows the Democrats, AKA Communists, have kept the border open in order to bring in more Dem voters. Of course, the party that eschews truth at all costs claimed they were only aiding aggrieved asylum seekers and other oppressed humans. Then WHAMO! The truth comes out; the House Judiciary Committee Democrats just voted to give non-citizens the right to vote in our elections. But, there are some obstacles. (1) Millions of American citizens, (2) the 26th Amendment to the US Constitution, and (3) 18 U.S. Code § 611 - Voting by aliens
"It shall be unlawful for any alien to vote in any election held solely or in part for the purpose of electing a candidate for the office of President, Vice President, Presidential elector, Member of the Senate, Member of the House of Representatives, Delegate from the District of Columbia, or Resident Commissioner".
Keep in mind, communists are warped enough to argue the US Constitution is unconstitutional.
G Spot Satire
gdavidhoward.com

Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0
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Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

09/19/2022

The United States has had a preponderance of Vice Presidents that were less than top tier people. Some with below average intelligence, others with poor character, physical and mental clumsiness, criminal tendencies, and ill repute.
●Spiro Agnew – criminal - tax evader - forced to resign in disgrace
●Gerald Ford - stumbling bumbling oaf
●Dan Quayle - not very bright – couldn’t run a spelling bee - gaffe machine
●Al Gore - lying buffoon – double digit IQ – an inconvenient idiot
●Dick Cheney – A veritable bundle of joy - shot his attorney in the face - trained Liz – AKA Mr. Boring – expert in waging war for fun and profit
●Joe Biden - dishonest dunderhead - literary thief – serial plagiarist – a Mensa invitation will not be forthcoming
●Mike Pence – Mr. Excitement - barely competent – trained at the Dick Cheney Motivational and Inspirational Speakers Institute
●Kamala Harris - inferior to a head of lettuce – She knows buildings have windows and Mt. Rushmore has nothing to do with illegal immigration and Mt. Rushmore doesn’t have any windows.
V. P. Cacklehack fits right in, doesn't she?

09/19/2022

After we watched the Royal funeral, I told Dana and our four sons, "Don't even think about doing something like that for me when I die."

09/18/2022

From United We Stand
Democrat Senator Joe Manchin refused to sign Biden’s legislation because of the secret parts of the bill that would have transformed America into a SOCIALIST DICTATORSHIP.

Dateline 9/16/2022 Ciudad Juarez, MexicoIllegal Immigrant Orientation Counselor Señora Mis ConcepciónSUBJECTS●Oppression...
09/16/2022
Amazon.com: Half Of America Is Nuts And They're Allowed To Vote: Books

Dateline 9/16/2022 Ciudad Juarez, Mexico
Illegal Immigrant Orientation
Counselor Señora Mis Concepción

SUBJECTS
●Oppression 101 (how to describe oppression and look oppressed)
●Spelling and pronouncing the words ‘seeking asylum’
●River Crossing 101
●Destruction of personal IDs
●Obtaining EBT, SNAP, and WIC Cards
●Social Security Cards and Voter ID Cards available on demand

●Illegal Immigrant Bill of Rights – You will be entitled to freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, free lodging, free health care, free food, free transportation, free clothing, free personal hygiene products, free baby formula, free diapers and other baby needs, free education, free union membership, free driver license, free smart phone, free laptop computer, free Wi-Fi

For non-asylum seekers
●A ‘sponsor’ will provide you with weapons of your choice, plus disguises, masks, duct tape, rope, spray paint, crowbars, and other burglary tools, and most importantly a myriad of drugs.

G Spot Satire
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Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

Online shopping from a great selection at Books Store.

09/15/2022

Just as dawn was breaking on the morning of September 14th, two coyotes, who were leading some two hundred migrants toward the United States’ border, stopped before wading into the Rio Grande.

Pancho said, “Wait, I just got a message. Secretary Mayorkas said the border is closed. So, we must wait.”

Julio exclaimed, “That man must be loco, you can see the border is wide open.”

Pancho, looking confused, said, “Un momento. Another message says the Vice President of the United States announced on TV that the border is secure. We must turn back.”

Julio yelled at Pancho, “They are both lying. Any fool can see the border is unguarded. Let’s cross the river and get these hombres registered to vote; orders from El Presidente.”

Pancho said, “OK. Do not forget, Beto has a box of absentee ballots for us to take back to Juarez.”

The saga continues.
G Spot Satire
gdavidhoward.com

Book: amzn.to/3jk3WK0

09/15/2022

Life Was Good Before Biden
Not only was Donald Trump the best President in my lifetime, but he was also the smartest, strongest, and most fearless. Now, we learn that Russian Igor Danchenko (Steele Dossier) was on the FBI payroll, so the GOAT had to battle:
DOJ, FBI, CIA, U. S. Congress, GOP Traitors, Crooked Hillary Clinton, BLM, ANTIFA, WOKE Morons, The Squad and the Bronx Einstein, Democrats, Socialists, Marxists, Communists, The Deep State, Hollywood, Xi Jinping, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Mainstream Media, Barack Obama, Two Impeachments, Butt-hurt Bush Family, Tony Fauci, Climate Hoax, NEA, Academia, Late-night Talk Shows, Illegal Immigration, OPEC, Corrupt Judges, Union Bosses, Useful Idiots, Russia Hoax, Big Tech, Social Media, etc.

Facing all these enemies and obstacles, Donald Trump and his policies still produced: the most robust economy in the world, energy independence, 1.2% inflation, secure southern border, the return of manufacturing to America, an end to North Korea’s threatening behavior, Israeli-Palestinian-UAE peace agreement, $2.30 gasoline, rising incomes, and much, much more. A lesser person would have folded, but Trump prevailed over it all. He made America great again. Wow, a living, breathing Superman!

Thanks to Trump, life was good before Biden. Long live MAGA.

09/14/2022

Who said this, before the 2020 election? "We have put together, I think, the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics."

09/02/2022

What did Dividin’ Biden say yesterday? Well, he delivered a slop bucket full of fraudulent nonsense. After all his hateful braying, he made it very clear that he is vehemently opposed to making America great again.

01/24/2022

Tickets are selling fast! This is always a SOLD OUT Show so get them now. Dinner is at 7 and show is after dinner a little after 8

11/23/2021

Reserve now for Saturday show. Call 727.515.8059

Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote – PageTurner Press and Media
09/05/2021
Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote – PageTurner Press and Media

Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote – PageTurner Press and Media

Previous Product Next Product Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote by G. David Howard Type Clear Half of America Is Nuts, and They're Allowed to Vote quantity Add to cart Description Additional information Reviews (0) Description About the book G. David Howard combines two passiona...

Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote – PageTurner Press and Media
09/04/2021
Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote – PageTurner Press and Media

Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote – PageTurner Press and Media

Previous Product Next Product Half of America Is Nuts, and They’re Allowed to Vote by G. David Howard Type Clear Half of America Is Nuts, and They're Allowed to Vote quantity Add to cart Description Additional information Reviews (0) Description About the book G. David Howard combines two passiona...

Timeline photos
12/03/2019

Timeline photos

Please join us in celebrating the promotion of Kent Howard to President of Software. Kent is a 17-year team member of InnQuest, originally brought with him more than 15 years of hotel and restaurant management experience when he joined Software in 2002. He was promoted to Director of Sales in December 2016 post- acquisition and then to Vice President in April 2017, in addition to his role of Regional Director Americas- Hospitality.

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Governor Frankenstein learned COVID 19 is not contagious in bars and restaurants until 10:07 PM, so he mandated a 10 PM closing time, giving the establishments 7 minutes to get their customers outside to safety. They cannot re-open until sunrise. Governor Frankenstein says this will save countless lives.

The Local Brotherhood of Burglars is overjoyed with the early closing time. Burglars ply their trade between closing time and sunup. The early closing time will give them a few extra hours of larceny.
G Spot Satire
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Book Sales: bit.ly/3fh96UH
***Saturday Night***
The Guinness Book of World Records funniest man alive, G. David Howard will be performing his stand-up act on the stage of Leo's in Palm Harbor. You will laugh until your face hurts starting a little after 8:33
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