09/27/2024
There was alot of family that couldn’t make it to Alex/Lilly’s memorial. I wish everyone could have come but they were in spirit. I feel like posting the speech I wrote to honor him. In case anyone wanted to hear it well read it. If not then just scroll on. This is my therapy…since there are no openings. Anyways:
Sundays memorial speech for Alex…
I first need to say that we are gathered here today to remember a child. Alexander or maybe you knew her as Lilith. Maybe she was your sibling, stepparent, grandchild, maybe a nephew or niece. Maybe a cousin, a friend or someone you just had a class with. It’s important to understand that everyone is here because you care and are grieving the loss of this child. We all grieve in different ways. Some turn to god for support and need to pray and send prayers, those who don’t, please respect that, we may need a prayer. Please don’t preach beliefs because everyone has different views and that is great that we are here to support one another in this hard time. You are here because this child is gone way too soon and that is a shame. Please be considerate to each other as we celebrate the memory of our child. That being said…this sucks.
My heart is heavy, I cry all the time and you guys know I’m not a crier. no one loved my child more than me but y’all lost this child too and maybe we can get through the worst of it together. I’m so lost
It’s been a week today since it happened and we still can’t make sense of this horrible thing that happened. I wasn’t with her when she passed, when I was told, I thought that at any moment I will wake up from this nightmare. That it was a mistake or that she wasn’t hurt. I mean We were truly confused.
As a student Alex was extremely intelligent. Straight A’s 3 years running. He tested in top 10 percent of the state, For the last 4 years. Since I made the announcement about him passing I keep getting messages from numerous students who my baby helped at school, how they made them laugh, they talked of their kindness and how much they will be missed. It was only 3 weeks since Alex told us that she felt she was transgender and wanted to be called Lilith or Lilly, so forgive me if I use the pronouns incorrectly. That doesn’t mean that we didn’t except it, in fact we accepted it and hugged her and told her as long as she was happy we were happy, we made plans for the future and she seemed happier. but Sometimes you can have all the support in the world, all the love and understanding and still it not be enough. We made a plan, we were getting help…but it wasn’t enough. Because Depression sucks!
As someone who suffered from it a long time, I thought talking to my kids about depression and how much of a sneaky bitch it is, that it tricks your brain into thinking the worst when it is barely bad. How it keeps you hiding in a dark room, afraid of the light. We taught them How chemical imbalances work. How if hurting yourself rears it’s head. That it means something is wrong and we can get help. We told them and they knew. We were getting help. We made sure they didn’t stay in that dark place. We did family things that she enjoyed. There was lots of laughter and long talks about everything and I was CONFIDENT we had it all under control but Sometimes it isn’t enough. I am sure I will never understand where it went wrong and go through the cycles of guilt, blame, anger and confusion and I will always feel the heartache of their loss.
My only advice for parents is to check their social media. Some people go out of their way to be mean…to push them over the edge. To help them on their way to those dark places.
It’s only been a week and I still don’t know how this happened and I guess I never will understand why. Nothing prepares you for making plans for a funeral and everything it entails. For the uncomfortable feeling of asking for help (because growing up we are told to not except hand outs) and being humbled by the sheer volume of people willing to help. I mean you guys are amazing, I really feel the love and the acceptance and understAnding. I keep trying to thank everyone but it’s hard. I feel like it doesnt sound how truley grateful we actually are and we are. You guys just being here is making it easier. I appreciate everyone so much. Thank you for coming.
Anyway I really wish I would have taken pictures of the tables, especially the memorial table…it was so beautiful. If anyone took any. Please let me know.
