02/08/2022
As a mobile mechanic I can relate to this kind of call
HOW TO ENGAGE THE SERVICES OF A MECHANIC.
-Call the mechanic after lunch on friday or before a public holiday weekend.
- Hassle him to fit you in.
- Estimate the time and ease of job. (They like that) explain that it is a five minute job that you could do yourself if “only you had the time.”
- Negotiate the smallest most inconvenient window of booking opportunity. (I have to go to the gym or some other more important engagement.)
- Ask for a fixed price. (Even if it's an unknown problem) When the mechanic refuses to be nailed down, some jovial comment like “I should have been a mechanic ”will keep the negotiation nice and light.
- Tell him that you will run it by your wife and call back in five.
- Call ten other mechanics and then phone back.
-Be sure to be in the shower or on the way home when he arrives.
- Show him the job which does not vaguely resemble what you described.
- Ask him to move his van. Someone needs to get their car out and it clearly cant wait the “five minutes”.
- Show him where the problem is. Explain how you cant find the key to the side gate and he will have to lug his equipment around.
- Now is a good time to point out that the problem started several weeks ago, got worse & worse and now it won't start at all.
- Embark on a long winded story involving names of people he could not give a sh*t about, and every completely unrelated event leading to this moment in time.
- Share your half cocked theory on what is going on. (“did you check the spark plug?")
- Apologise for the 20 years of oil & dirt build up on your engine where he will be working. Explain how it is someone else’s fault. It will make it more palatable.
- Tell them one of your close relatives was a mechanic. (He will be extremely interested and it will create a sense of kinship between you)
- Explain that you would be quite capable of doing the job and that you have done tons of repairs in the past. (He will love to hear that his knowledge, skills and necessary equipment amount to being a glorified handyman.)
- Tell the mechanic that normally you use a different mechanic but he was not answering his phone.
- Wait until he is nearly finished & lugged tools back to his van and ask him if he has time to... There are no sweeter words on a Friday afternoon at 3 pm than “while Ive got you here”
- Make sure to leave lots of dirty tissues, candy wrappers, pennies & junk on the dash, between the seats, or wherever he has to get to to remove screws.
- Watch the mechanic closely. The mechanical skills you gleaned from your family member will place you well to critique his every action.
- Pull out some parts you picked up 10 years ago. (No sense wasting huh?)
- Keep locking the front gate, wouldn't want a home invasion to occur while the mechanic is going back & forth to his truck.
- Grill the mechanic over why he has to leave site to pick up part for your old car or scooter, That you “got a great deal on”.
- Complain about the invoice and complain to all your friends about the price and unpleasant demeanour.
- Call a week later and say “Ever since your guy was here, the refrigerator light isn’t coming on.
