06/29/2025
Eleven years ago, I had a miscarriage. Not only that, but there was something suspicious the doctor found on the ultrasound that she thought could be cancer. She sent me home with this information and an appointment in 10 days to follow up. Not knowing how to process this news and simultaneously be a present mom, I pulled out a box of chalk to quietly doodle with my toddler. She happily scribbled around me as I went to work drawing a clown, hyper focusing on what I was creating. I was not an artist and it wasn't breathtaking but my husband had the insight to snap a picture. I found this experience gave me satisfaction and rest from the heaviness I felt. It soothed my heartache and was a much needed break from my fear.
I would turn to chalk many times over the next several years during challenges including postpartum depression, homesickness, and COVID. I started investing more time in learning all I could about chalk art through YouTube, chalk competitions, trial and error, and hours of practice. I reinforced my understanding of the way chalk works by teaching others. Through all of this, chalk has become a huge part of my identity and my life. I didn't know it at the time, but this moment 11 years ago in my backyard while I was just trying to be a good mom was my canon event.
Last night, those 11 years came full circle as I finished another clown, this one much bigger and very different than the first. As I worked, a little girl walked by, took one look at my sad, broken clown and said, "I could never do that!" Our eyes met and I emphatically said, "Yes, you can!" Another man stopped and sat watching me work for about 10 minutes, in tears when he walked away, feeling the broken soul reflected in the eyes of this poor painted-faced man.
This journey has been a long rollercoaster of emotions, from deep discouragement to amazement and shock, disbelieving I could create such beauty with my own two hands. All of those emotions filled my heart as I humbly and tearfully walked up to the stage to receive the Best In Show award last night, hopefully inspiring other artists that they can do the same.
Art credit: Siegfried Beiser