07/12/2023
Dear community, this is goodbye. I think it’s great timing right after this weekender and the biggest zouk presence I’ve seen in Houston. I will no longer be a leader in the Brazilian Zouk community, and will be taking an indefinite break to allow other things to flow into my life. Sotaki operations, barring some specific activities which will be announced, will stop after this beginner cycle (August 1st). Other Zouk classes and events are available with other organizers. Long version and some context below.
The last few years have been very eventful and purposeful to me. I came to this country to become a professional dancer, and I came to Houston to launch my own school, after being a part of another school for years. Sotaki started back in 2019, and evolved over two years even before we launched it in Houston, a year and a half ago. It started as a curriculum - I wrote it because, even though I had great teachers, I wanted to be an even better teacher, and over time I realized that good classes were not even my main goal anymore, but much more than that.
I committed everything I had, because it felt like it was beyond me, a strong purpose. I just knew that this was what I was going to do for all my life - and maybe it’s true, but not in a linear way.
I didn’t want to start a business, I wanted to build a school, and with it create a culture, grow a community where everyone can feel they belong, including myself. I used to stay away from the “people aspect” of the dance community, but then I chose to double down on it - not because it’s what I’m good at, or because it’s easy (because to me, it is the very opposite) but because I believe relationships are the secret to happiness. I believe that belonging, and helping people feel they belong, is the most rewarding experience one could have. Instead of searching for that magical place, I wanted to create it. I decided to start Sotaki in Houston because it would make me happy to feel those things.
With that being said, I have never done community building at this scale before, and it’s my first time running a school and a business. I learned a lot, made mistakes, and got real experience about what leading a community feels like, compared to how I thought it would.
We sometimes try to get somewhere, a dream/goal/whatever we think success looks like, but we don’t really know how it would feel, until we get there.
This decision has been considered seriously for the last month, and was brewing even before. It was not made lightly or impulsively. There are many causes and reasons why this doesn’t feel good for me, from internal reasons to external factors, but the sum of all those things is - I just don’t want to do this anymore. In our everyday life and most settings, that doesn’t count as a good enough reason to stop doing something, and I think that should be a good enough reason to stop doing something.
I need to say that even though I’m at peace with this decision, it is hard for me. Since I came to this country in hopes of becoming a professional in the dance world, which I’m now deciding to not be, I’m grieving the loss of my purpose, livelihood, and the biggest time and energy investment I ever made, pouring 7 years of my life into this before stepping away. This is very difficult for me, but it’s detrimental for my mental and physical health to try and continue right now.
I don’t know what involvement I’ll have in the future - one of the things I learned is to never say never - but I know for now, I’m out. After this last cycle of beginner classes, I’ll be shutting down officially, and leaving this chat, at least for now. I love organizing things, I love Zouk and I love to dance, and I’m staying in Houston, so I will be around, dancing, teaching other dances, but I don’t want to carry the leadership weight. It doesn’t feel good for me.
The reason I’m writing this long letter is because I feel obligated to let you know where I’m at, and that I’m leaving. It wouldn’t be fair to just disappear and leave you wondering, even if there’s no obligation to share my feelings. We’ve been through a lot together, and in these times, when nobody seemingly owes anyone anything, I’d like to leave with transparency, communication, and kindness. That’s the community I wanted to help build, and that’s how I’d like to leave it.
The scene will continue in the absence of Sotaki, and hopefully keep the values of kindness and curiosity.
With love and respect, it’s been a pleasure and a journey,
Tom
Formerly Zaddy
