To explain, when you are alone and scared and hear a noise, arn't you happy when you discover it was nothing? All true Foons believe the world will end when Katie Winter's pimples clear up. All true Foons believe the June Taylor dancers were attached to the ceiling and the camera was on the floor. All true Foons believe when you die and if you were good you get to go to the city of your choice, bu
t when you die, if you were bad you are sent straight to Oxford, NC. Foon list of Saints: Dick Butkis, Rowen and Martin, Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix, Monty Python, Lord Laurence Oliver,Mel Brooks, The Three Stooges, Sha Na Na, Chuck Berry, All members of the Steel Curtain of the 1970's, Buddy Holly, JFK, Martin Luther King, George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Laurel and Hardy, Dr. Paul Bearer, Buster Keyton, The Dude, Abbott and Costello, Burns and Allen, The Marx Brothers, WC Fields, Blackbeard the Pirate, Anne Bonny, and many more....
Foon Evil Genies: Lassie, Barney, Richard Nixon, anyone who lives in Oxford and most recently Dick Cheney
The leader of the Foons is called The Ning Ning
The second in command is The Lone Stardust Cowboy. He begins all Foon services with the Foon anthem. The lyrics are "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"
When one Foon meets another Foon he/she gives the secret handshake . The first person says, "Foon" this is answered with the word "believer!"
All Foons are given a nickname when they enter the group. To be baptised one must sing the anthem, then everyone pours their drink on your head and it is followed by one spit on the head from the local Ning-Ning . Then you go back to drinking. All foons wear black high-top Converse Allstars with black shoe strings. When the group started in the 70's there were two types of Foons. 1. As the group started in the south the first was Dixie-listic. Most of the early members were either musicians or theatre types with a few writers thrown in. 2. Barbell-listic were usually Football players who liked to lift weights. Most of these were also into the arts in some way. Dixie-listic Foons face South when singing. Barbell-listic Foons face York, PA. There can be almost any type of Foon, it all depends on your interest. For example:
Olivier-listic Foons face the Old Vic
Lombardi-listic face Greenbay
Surfalistic...face the ocean
Narsisalistic..face the mirror
Couchpotatolistic..face the TV and refuse to stand
Rap-o-listic...face Biggie's house
Potter-listic-Face J.K.'s house
Dixiechick-o-listic...turn their backs on Nashville Rednecks
Packer-o-listic face a hunk of cheese and wish Lombardi would soon rise from the dead and bring back glory while they sing. Blitzburgh-a-listic - Face Pittsburgh
Pirate-o-listic - Face the sea and add "Argh" to the end. Foons love to play sports, but do not like to win. Remember nothing is sacred. 0 is the perfect number. (Cubs Fans make great Foons)
Foons give each other the Foon sign. It is similar to the Peace sign of the late 60's. Again shoot the sign and say "Foon." If the other person is a foon, he/she will respond with "Believer." There is a curse you can put on enemies. Its called the "Burke" sign. It is so powerful no one can look at it, so therefore no one knows what it looks like. All Foons love the theatre
All Foons love the blues and old-time Rock and Roll.
