05/20/2026
I have graduated, and honestly that has been the closest I’ve gotten in a while to authentically celebrating myself.
I don’t know why, but I have a tendency to rob myself of my own joy and achievements.
I think for one, it’s because I’ve been taught somewhere along my life that what I like to do and how I want to do it isn’t how I’m supposed to cherish moments. For some reason, I’ve been taught my joy and peace is at the cost of others.
Even consciously, I feel like my joy and peace is at the cost of something. It’s at the cost of losing something, letting something go. I’m so tired of losing things, yet after I always feel so free, you know?
In a poem I wrote recently, I asked myself how many iterations of myself I must go through before I feel complete. I truly don’t know, and from what I hear of my elders, it never stops. So, I guess I’ve gotten to a point where I ask myself a new question: how many iterations of myself am I willing to go through before I’m tired of growing, before I stop? I don’t know either, but I’d like to think I never will.
And to that, I say, cheers :) 🥂
