heal your self

04/12/2024

Feelin myself♥️

01/01/2023

12/03/2022

And another one...I know their long but maybe someone will read and not feel so alone..

Not sure exactly the moment it all went wrong.. Perhaps it was the moment I started allowing you to feed me your bread crumbs of your love... I was so sure this time I had my head screwed on just right..I had all my boundaries hung up in plain sight..I stayed aware of all my hard lessons I'd learned from before..I kept both eyes open on high alert for any of our past red flags..I walked in this time knowing full well my worth and my love for myself.. What I would and would not put up with... But some where along the way I once again lost myself and allowed my self to be played..I would close my eyes as you served me the scraps of your love..I knew something wasn't right when your crumbs started to fade.. At first I tried to speak up.. But you were always to eager to shut me up with another stale crumb...I even started to think it was me..maybe I was the problem because I just couldn't get full anymore off the crumbs you were serving me... But then I started to see all the red flags that I had let Keep slipping by me... So many moments I was ready to walk away.. But for some reason you would never let me and we'd end up talking things out and you'd throw me a bigger crumb and I'd eat it up.. Convincing my self that.. That time I was actually full... Until I just started expecting your love no matter how you disguised it.. Convincing my self we were actually getting some where.. And we were gonna make it this time... But no we didn't you chose when we were done and how we were done... You waited till you were done to walk away from me... So here I am again picking my self back up off the ground.. But that's my fault for once again letting my guard down... You know Everytime you walked away I was always left with so many unanswered questions..I just had to learn to move on without the answers... But this one thing drives me crazy constantly.... How you would get mad because I wasn't satisfied with your damn bread crumbs of your fake love... But the reason I wasn't satisfied was because you taught me what love looked like and felt like in the beginning of our relationship.. Something I'd never had before.. And at the end of our relationship you taught me love didn't look like no stale bread crumbs anymore... So thank you for both of those lessons... Because when it comes to love I refuse to settle especially for some stale bread .. My hope for you is that the female you left me for makes you incredibly happy for the long haul.... Because if she doesn't..I won't be there to catch your fall..I can't eat your stale bread anymore... Vee2021

12/03/2022

LORD YOU KNOW MY HEART..AND THROUGH THE YEARS AND THE ROUGH TIMES YOU KNOW IVE WORKED ON MYSELF..my work is done MOSTLY ON THE INSIDE..IVE CLIMBED UP AND IVE FALLEN BACK..BUT NEVER HAVE I REVERTED RIGHT BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF MY LIFES MAP..I TRY AND I TRY TO BE A BETTER PERSON INSIDE AND OUT..MAYBE THATS WHY I FIND IT HARD TO COMPREHEND WHY MY HONESTY GETS ME NO WHERE IN LIFE AT LEAST WITH THE PEOPLE HERE LOOKING IN FROM THE OUTSIDE..IM CONSTANTLY SAYING TO MYSELF NO MATTER HOW HARD THE TRUTH MAY BE OR THE REACTION I anticipate ILL GET NO MATTER IF I ALREADY KNOW MY TRUTH WILL BE MISUSED AND MISCONSTRUDE FOR THEIR OWN BELIEFS OR MY PAST HISTORY..Despite THE PEOPLE I MAY LOSE IN MY LIFE ..NEVERMIND THE FEAR OF IT ALL..MY LEARNINGS OF MY PAST AND MY DESIRE FOR A CLEAR CONSCIENCE NO REGRETS OUTLOOK ON MY FUTURE..MOST OF ALL GIVING WHOEVER MY TRUTH MIGHT EFFECT THE UNDERSTANDING WITH ANSWERS THAT THEIR HEART AND SOUL MIGHT SEEK..THE OPTION..THE OPTION OF FREE WILL TO DO WHAT THEY FEEL REGUARDLESS OF WHAT THAT MIGHT MEAN FOR THE FUTURE OUTCOME OF WHAT WAS WHAT WILL AND WHAT IS AND WHAT NO LONGER REMAINS IN MY HANDS..LOVING SOMEONE ENOUGH TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH..WHAT THEY DO WITH THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN..FOR ME IVE FOUND THAT BEING HONEST..ESPECIALLY WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE HOLDS NO REWARD AT ALL..WHEN THE TRUST WAS BETRAYED WAY BACK..IM THE ONE CONSTANTLY LOOKING LIKE THE BAD GUY..AND SOME HOW I ALWAYS END UP LOOKING LIKE THE ONE STILL LYING LOOKING LIKE I SPEAK HALF TRUTHS OR GET MY HONESTY TAKEN THE WRONG WAY OR GET MY TRUTH MIXED WITH ALL THE S**T THEY THINK AND THEY FEEL AND SPEAWED OUT TO THE WORLD LIKE THEY WERE THERE TO CAPTURE THE RAW DEAL..I guess with telling the truth all this negative I'm gonna have to get used to..and some how find a way to see the positive side of being honest besides the initial feeling I get from releasing my truth..and get used to the pain of having my name and my life and my truth be used how ever they damn well feel like..especially when my truth was never enough..its just a part of control I need to give up..any relationship that comes into my life..no matter how long I've known you or even if we knew one another growing up if you don't like my truth or honesty or see me for who I truly am today and wish to give up..with a heavy heart I must let you go..and I must cry whatever tears that will follow..mourn the loss of a relationship that i know will never reach its full potential..doing what's right never felt so wrong..but being that person who lies never paid off either..and giving someone the option to love me or leave me is a reward in it self..it weeds out the fake from the real..those who come to stay and those meant to teach us a lesson.. Blessings I guess..blessings in them selves...inspired by her...7-18-2021
Sorry guys this isn't edited or Spell checked... just my thoughts in pure form...

12/03/2022

Haven't posted in along time... so here I am... was going through a bunch of poems I've written these last few years mostly when I was broken... I'm thinking I'm gonna start posting them on this page of mine...

11/23/2022

Jasmine passed away to soon please help give her a proper burial.. thank you

09/13/2022

Selfie before church...late post

09/04/2022

He'll always be my [email protected]

06/25/2022

Spiritual healing guidance...

06/22/2022

Missed her...never a dull moment when we're hanging out...fun times with loved ones make for the best of healing...