03/31/2026
To borrow the recent words of Father Nathan Monk “Something snapped in me the other day.” (Go follow him, totally worth it)
I live in a small, modest neighborhood. Most of the houses were built in the late 1970’s or early 80’s. It's just outside city limits and doesn't have an HOA. Those were very intentional choices on our part.
We mostly keep to ourselves; our lives are busy and I am introverted by nature. We know a few of the neighbors casually. Most folks wave, we sometimes end up with some pleasant exchanges with folks taking walks. It's nice. Except for The Neighbor.
The Neighbor is an older white man who lives next door to us along with his wife. He has hated me from day one, and I have never understood exactly why. His wife is pleasant, and we occasionally have nice neighborly conversations. The Neighbor however, has only ever spoken to me to complain; about something he doesn't like about my house or my yard, sometimes to tell me things other neighbors are doing that makes him angry. The Neighbor seems to fixate on the type of things an HOA would regulate, but again, our neighborhood does not have an HOA. Like us, many of the residents in our neighborhood intentionally sought out that lack of forced conformity when moving here.
The Neighbor’s newest fixation is the Sprinter van my husband and I bought a few years ago. We have a weirdly steep driveway, and the van does not go up it without scraping, so we typically keep the van parked on the street in front of the house. At different times we have kept other vehicles in that same spot with no issues. In fact, the only issue we have ever had with parking on the street is when some bored kids keyed several cars in the neighborhood, but that was probably a decade ago.
We first heard that The Neighbor considered the van a problem, not because he came and spoke to us, but because The Neighbor harassed some mobile mechanics who were out working on the van for a recall issue. When the mechanics finished their work, they shared with my husband that The Neighbor had come over and complained about the van and told them he was going to “report us to the police”. My husband apologized to them for having to deal with that.
A couple of weeks passed and we didn't hear anything directly from The Neighbor. He didn't say a word, until…
It was the crack of dawn and I hadn't slept. I was trying to shuffle items between my pickup and the van in preparation for a vending event. It was oddly warm and muggy for the time of year, and I was covered in dust and sweat. The Neighbor walked up and the first thing out of his mouth was “I wish you would do something about this van” in a hostile and accusatory voice. I was not in the mood and “I wish you would mind your own damn business” popped out of my mouth before my brain could think better. Oh well, I match energy.
I continued by telling The Neighbor that I was busy and didn't have time for him at the moment. I kept working. He kept badgering me in the angry, and somewhat whiny voice of a toddler told he can't have another cookie. I continued to tell him to go away. He refused, and continued his litany of insults and complaints, continuing to raise his voice, all while having me somewhat cornered between my two vehicles. I finally got rid of him by repeating “GOOD BYE”, getting louder each time until I reached a volume that echoed off the houses across the street.
I finished my work, moved my pickup, went inside and told my husband what had happened. Hubby went next door and told The Neighbor to stop harassing me, and that if he had an issue he could come knock on our door to talk.
This was a couple of weeks ago. Crickets. The Neighbor did not come over to talk to us.
Fast forward to a few days ago when I ran some morning errands with my bestie. She parked her car on the street in front of our house as she normally does (remember, weirdly steep driveway) and we went in my truck. When we came back, we found a State Trooper parked in the road near my house.
Now, this part could be a story into itself, and maybe it eventually will be. I have nearly an hour and a half of video of me talking to both the original State Trooper and the supervisor that he called out. But, the big take away is that “Someone” called State Troopers and told them that there was an abandoned, unregistered and uninsured vehicle on the street. (The van is actually up to date with taxes, tags, and insurance).
The Troopers originally planned to flag my friend’s car, my van, AND The Neighbor’s wife’s car for being parked on a state maintained road, with plans to tow any vehicles still there after 24 hours.
In the end the Troopers left without issuing any citations or warnings. However, there is the threat that if they were called out again that they would have to ticket every single car in the neighborhood that was on the street because they have to apply the law equally.
The supervisor also made a big point about how this kind of thing was not a priority, that they don't appreciate being used as neighborhood police, but if a call is logged they have to show up. Apparently they had been called by “Someone” three times.
During this process the supervisor called “Someone” at the number they had left when filing their complaints. At this point “Someone” seems to have back-tracked a bit; instead of the original claim that our van was abandoned, unregistered, and uninsured, “Someone” said it LOOKED like it was abandoned - because it is dirty.
Now, I don't wash my vehicles very often under the best of circumstances, and the Sprinter is often the lowest priority. It does need a really good scrubbing. So does the Xterra in my driveway. And my house needs power washing, as does the camper. But first I need to repair the damage to my chicken run from the last few storms. And it is the start of gardening season and I have a lot I will need to do with that in the next few weeks. Cleaning up the Sprinter was already on the agenda, but it not a high priority.
If “Someone” in the neighborhood was concerned, they could have come to the house and knocked on our door to talk. They could have found out we were already planning on cleaning the van up. They could have asked if we could bump it up the priority, and I probably would have agreed. Heck, I might have OFFERED to get to it sooner depending on their attitude and reasons for concern. But “Someone” decided to weaponize the police instead.
It is no secret who I think “Someone” may be, but even if I am wrong, the sentiment stays the same. We live in an unassuming working class neighborhood with no HOA. Some houses, yards, and vehicles are in more need of attention than others. We're probably somewhere in the middle of the pack - I keep things functional, but I don't worry too much about keeping up appearances just for appearance’s sake.
BTW, if you think your neighbors are having trouble keeping up, perhaps you could offer to help them out.
But, “Someone” seems to think that the neighbors should automatically conform to “Someone’s” aesthetic ideals, and they are willing to weaponize armed police to enforce them.
And here is where something snapped, but perhaps not in the way you might expect. In dealing with this I realize that I have been preemptively toning down my self-expression in and around the exterior of my home for the comfort of neighbors. I was censoring myself so that I would avoid antagonizing anyone, particularly The Neighbor. That is about to end.
I am planning some big art projects for this summer. I hope to paint murals on my privacy fences. I’m considering building a fairy village that can double as a shelter for stray animals and wildlife. And best of all, I am planning on turning the Sprinter into a piece of mobile art. I am still brainstorming the details, but I hope to be able to enlist some young artists to come and express themselves as part of the process.
Now, the issue with the van may not be solved. I may have to find a way to create parking, or find somewhere else to park/store it when we aren't actively using it. We’ll cross that bridge as necessary. But rather than shrinking smaller to fit inside some tiny box, I hope to turn this into a freeing experience. “Someone” will always be angry no matter what I do, so I’m going to do what feeds my soul.
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TLDR: “Someone” in the neighborhood tried to weaponize police over a dirty vehicle and has triggered inspiration for yard-art projects
