Free Self Esteem

10/06/2024

I want a perfection I can’t have but in music and other art forms, light and pitch black, everything outside myself is perfect, so how does it feel like it’s not? Why do I still strive to achieve things impossible without the long-haul, without the gumption to do so? Do I strive to make all that I am all that I experience? Do I strive to make my inner experience match word for word my experience of the world I sense?
I reach for this life to change it, not to damage it, not to manipulate it to my destructive escapades as human, but to examine who I am through my ministrations upon it
How I change and how I change the world are synonymous
I do not adapt to everything; some things, I admit, I relinquish control over and do my part to adapt my perception of it, but some things I actually do change, I actually am a cause with an effect over it
Music and other art forms are my perfection in this perfect world, I value my expression, but I actually reference others’ art as perfect and my own as flawed, except poetry, except my writing
That is the one place where I know it’s alright, more than alright – relevant – to say everything
Recording my frame of reference to the world is never wrong or right, always perfect
Somehow, my own inner sight becomes a window, a lens, into the ether that forms worlds of dew drops and bird sounds, chest-heaving sobs of realization, and the truth of hugs with people I love
As we entrain within and without, it’s important to find my tribe, my vibe, because it matters who I am with through this timescape
Sometimes I can see the flow of time, not in the falling of leaves off a tree, not in the ripples on a pond, but in the glacial presence of empty space (where there is supposedly no sound, no time – I say there’s just longer waves of it)
It is so enigmatic the way time wraps itself around everything like water, and consumes it like fire, holds space like earth, and lifts up the spirit like air, is the presence of mystery itself like ether
And had I not taken the time to write tonight, there would not be these words, spoken never, but no longer inside, where they would cause no torment, but they would not be in these places with these placeholder spaces but for me.

07/15/2024

Overflow: reaching for the stars and wanting only to swing from them like monkey bars through the night sky.
The thought of what it would be like to hold a star pervades my senses.
Enraptured, I capitulate to the weightlessness of thought,
the thread of my heart and my inspiration intertwining to create the safety of creativity.
I am enveloped in sensuality not physical but emotional,
driven by what could be and never by what is.
For what is can only be so much, and what could be never could be, but is always.
Possibility is the bridge between imagination and reality,
but it’s also the toll booth making impossible certain things due to the nature of existence.
Then there’s the gatekeeper which allows a one way ticket to ride off into the sunset but once.
There’s only one shot at the romance that is life’s pinnacle waiting for no one.
Earth turns. We go along for the ride.
And that is romantic, that we are riding Earth like the turbulent enigma that it is
to be atop this heaving, pulsating Earthen semi-sphere, mountains like waves, rivers like veins,
all metaphors and similes flowing back to the same purposeful
INTENTION BEHIND CREATION.

05/21/2024

first verse: share the love with who you cherish, meditative mind state regurgitating the practice of peace within while outside there's a riot basic principles of human rights violated every precious minute to be patient is to participate in placating oneself into complacence...hatred is palpable previous unstable, the social climate changes with the weather, it's f*cking cold better wear a sweater....never give up and always interrupt a mother fu**er trying to tell you what to do how to be yourself or who you are cuz this world wont get far with too many imitators leading and followers bleeding themselves...share the love with who you cherish, become the very thing you wish to be find the presence of your essence in every crevice of your existence...crazy indifference to the last laugh i had to wear that hat while it was passed my way as it made my day to see the look on their faces i did giggle in the middle of the room nowhere to turn away nowhere to move but all the cash that came from their pockets went to the floor while the dropped to their knees in reverence for it....share the love with who you cherish, become the very thing you wish to be, find the presence of your essence in every crevice of your existence....writing on the drop of a dime for a twenty year climb gettin off to the rhythm with my pen moving to the beat still with a look that could kill the meanest heart you need to stop letting the idiot box think for you while i'm droppin bars on quest for truth and meaning so large it's as big as twenty million years of light like a disco ball in your mind's eye, alright? allow me to elucidate upon this point, another day without a joint goin up in smoke like a blunt anyway, floating away into etheric ambiance of the room no stagnant fumes in here we're clear headed but high minded side-winding with perfect timing climbing shoots and ladders the splatter of tear drops or ink represent art at its finest form of expression the lesson is she who in the name of charity and good will would become the most romantic lyricist to leave the rest infuriated by their own detestable spirit because the gift was impermanent
break the drop with your feet unify the stakes with a simple bet on whether or not it falls back into a quarter measure link the past with pleasure and the future will hold it too i dance with my hands fingertips twirling except its a pen not a pipe
goddess' mind bet you can't pay for that you've been with men? I've been playin' kitty kat makin dreams come true to manifest reality bytes but I've got gemstones of amazonite as big as your fake t**s daily transcendence reminds me not to be a fake friend or have fake money i say lose all the plastic while i drop hits like acid rain going straight through you to be grounded you don't get it i don't care how that sounded because i speak divinely

Listen to figure 8.mp3 by JuliaSaffron on

05/21/2024

https://soundcloud.com/user-232377945/degeneratehuman-being?si=f14545a43d924aa9a0febac0e63872e3&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

superfly

05/21/2024

https://soundcloud.com/user-232377945/splatter-mp3?si=00b78417569d42a9be512efa2c2b1869&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Favorite one of my lines is “trying to find the way to the truth, it’s all an illusion, I’m just the proof” which totally speaks to my conscious transcendence and free-spiritedness. I’m actually a fl

05/21/2024

https://wp.me/Peicde-2H

me: busted wide open feeling everything

Dreaming with eyes wide open shut against realitydarkness for the inside of my eyelids the better to have an imaginationnot bleak, not stark, but soft, all-encompassing, reminiscent of that swellin…

05/21/2024

https://wp.me/Peicde-3D

world spins as I lay stillI know it does not revolve around meit is moving about meI may not witness the spinning from outer spaceas I lay upon Earthto make this weightless weight liftbut I hear pe…

05/21/2024

https://freeselfesteem.org/2024/05/21/write-heart-out/

Write, heart out, ears in, and voice overall. Write, though, with all that you have turned towards purpose, turned towards light and life, turned towards practicing and the unknown. Write like your…

05/21/2024

https://wp.me/Peicde-21

I don’t know you but I’d like toI don’t know how to say I like youwhen our paths cross it seems like eons passin my memorywhen I finally think of what I want to sayand how that pe…

05/02/2024

There are things that pictures cannot say like how thought-provoking life is, how many questions there are in it. Why do we nurture ourselves naturally? What I mean by that is why are the things we do to maintain survival synonymous with nurturing? Eating, resting, socializing, physical touch, cleaning, and the like. It’s all nurturing to ourselves, and we’re born with the need for maintenance. What is the great lesson in that? Really, nurturing happens when we fulfill a need for ourselves or anyone else, but why needs? Why nurturing? Why does our body need? Why are we not born satisfied? And since the body is a gateway to the soul, a simile of it, or reflection even…what does our soul need? How do we begin to nurture that aspect of self? Does it require nurturing at all? What is nurturing to the soul? Expression in its myriad forms? Connection then? What is quintessentially soulful? Is that such an individually answered question? Or is the expression of the soul’s joy and delight in its own existence and the experience of God’s love just an individual form of expression, but still boiled down to expression in general? Moreover, is that the pinnacle of a soul’s experience, or is that just a pastime while manifested corporeally? The humor in all this pondering is that any answer makes just as much sense as any other for there are only so many explanations, but truly any answer as to ‘why’ must go beyond expounding on reality’s rules and obvious regularities. Those are merely explanations, but they depend on reality to be how it is first; those explanations based on reality suppose that there is only one way it could ever have been and that creation itself has only one possibility. It fails to answer ‘why’ this possibility is the manifested version rather than any other possible version which, in the beginning before manifestation, was equally probable and therefore just as possible as the one in which we reside. Argue that none of us reside in the same reality and I will point you to collective reality, experience, and wisdom that so clearly makes life livable at many points and irksome at other junctures. I ask for the wisdom to understand how we have arrived at the conclusion that explaining the universe’s behavior with the fact of its existence is the most obvious and succinct way to do so when it seems like a feedback loop of knowledge instead of any kind of greater discovery about the meaning of life. I live in an animistic world because of how I understand myself both as part of a greater biome than myself and having smaller ones inside as well. Deductive logic would have it that if there are small biomes within my body and larger ones outside of it, then there are biomes greater still than the ecosystem as a whole on our planet even. The universe is quite probably one giant biome as well. That being said, if a human is conscious at the capacity it is and is part of, as well as housing for, greater and smaller ecosystems respectively, then I would think it illogical to believe that my version of consciousness is 1) the only kind, 2) greater or less than any other, and 3) the largest version of consciousness known to God. Clearly, I’m the only version of consciousness I have personal knowledge of; however, upon reflection it would be absurd to think I’m the only version of it given the evidence presented by the collective knowledge of the world I live in. I just want to thank the people studying biology and space and physics and everything in between reporting their findings so I don’t have to do my own case studies…I get the findings and get to come to my own conclusions because someone else asked and got reality to answer their questions, and I don’t know if I would have even thought to ask.

05/02/2024

Roses
Shakespeare’s Romeo said a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but what about Juliet? Would she love the same if she had another name? Would their love have been so tragic, or would they be the laughing stalks of fair Verona?

Well, my name is not Juliet. My name is Julia. I love the way I love and I move the way I move because I have lived this life with this name. Oh sure, sometimes I’m Saffron, sometimes I’m Kathryn, Franzen in jail, but overall. My name is Julia.

How I came to be named is more than how my parents chose this namesake. How I became Julia is a series of events, the ways that others moved and loved and viewed the world all the way back to the beginning of words and names and tools.

According to my mother, I chose her before I was born to be my mother because I knew she wouldn’t have any other kids, not because I knew what she would name me; maybe I knew that too, but I feel as though it is one or the other.

I used to be sung the song Julia by the Beatles. There is also Julia Dream, Dreamboat Queen by Pink Floyd, and a Robert Palmer song about a Julia. My personal favorite is by Super Mama Djombo and is also called Julia. Oddly enough, its meaning doesn’t have anything to do with music; it means light hair and bright energy, basically summer vibes. Really though, what’s in a name?

05/02/2024

Rave at the Cave
In the Dark like a cave, dark like a mind unattended we RAVE. To leave the mind behind is the purpose because a radical audio visual experience puts us in our hearts. We are overwhelmed into understanding instead of understanding through depletion of stimuli. We are completed in a moment of clarity that lasts into the days that follow. We open to the light in the dark, we embrace the warmth of bodies colliding with sound. There are no words to thank each other. It is one RAVE. It is one choice to be together, we take it with us or leave it for the next one moment when life is no longer a dream.

There is no story greater than people coming together for the same purpose with different expectations to let go of as the night courses on into daybreak. The real dawning of a new way of life takes place at the break between consciousness and the mind. When one person realizes that the mind is one, there is never a thought unthought, but consciousness, awareness of one’s here-ness is without a doubt a coming of ages of the drama of humanity.

We used to need witchcraft to let go of our inhibitions. Modern day witchcraft is a 7,000 lumen projector, lasers, and a good DJ reading the crowd for those cues that mean movement soon to follow.

I channel these thoughts through some unknown source, but they ring true. The sacred feminine is rife ways to undo the teachings of organized meditation, organized religion, complicated truth with its covert meanings and metaphors. Things that have been interpreted even by the high priests instead of lived. Letting go while seated, letting go in a pew, a temple, has its place, but we find ourselves here in this perfect space used for so many events. So many energies mixing in an ecstatic living can never be undone.

There isn’t even a question of “now what” because we have arrived. Just savor it, just savor it. We know the next step without asking because there is no answer just action.