10/10/2018
Today on Humans of Mental Health Jessica Goforth has graciously shared her struggles with us. Thank you Jessica for your vulnerability.
1. How long have you known about it?
I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 18, a freshman in college. The meds they gave me had some pretty devastating side effects, and only made me worse, so I stopped taking them. My diagnosis eventually was changed to refractory (aka treatment-resistant) depression. Meds and therapy have simply never worked for me - it's just a condition that I had to learn to live with.
2. What are some struggles you've faced, and how have you overcome them?
The biggest struggle that I faced was the isolation and misunderstanding of people who knew me at the time. When I was first diagnosed, there was this huge culture of shame and silence surrounding mental illness. If someone killed themselves or attempted su***de, everyone said they were "selfish" and "weak". When people found out that I had depression, I got a lot of hate, and most of it came from people that I thought were my friends. They told me rude, unhelpful things like "Just get over it", "Bite the bullet and deal with it", "You're just being selfish", and the worst one, "You're just doing this for attention." Almost every friend who found out about my diagnosis at the time stopped talking to me and shunned me. People looked at me with a mixture of pity and disgust. I felt like a l***r.
If anything, it was a lesson in what kinds of people I wanted in my life. If a person isn't going to be open-minded and supportive about the struggles of others, I want nothing to do with them. I've since surrounded myself with people who are more understanding - and many of them have struggled with mental illness themselves.
I still struggle with depression. Some days/weeks/months are better than others. I've learned over the years how to avoid things that trigger my depression whenever possible, and strategies to cope when it gets really bad.
3. What is the one thing you wish people knew about your mental illness?
People take it so personally, as if it's something that I'm doing to hurt them. I didn't make myself sick, and I'm not doing this to seek attention (I'm an actor; if I really want attention I'll find a better way to get it than feeling like crap all the time). I just want people to know that people with mental illness need compassion and understanding, not scolding and shame.
4. How do you hope to help spread awareness on mental health?
I'm encouraged by the younger Millennials who are being so open in talking about their mental illnesses on social media. I feel that disarming the culture of silence and shame that surrounds mental illness is a huge step in the right direction. We need to be talking about this.
I've found the internet to be a great resource - there are so many resources for coping with mental illness now that there never were when I was initially diagnosed. They even have free apps now that help to aid people with anxiety and depression, and I use a couple of them. I think that being honest about our struggles and helping point people to sources of help are the best things that we can do.
