12/10/2025
“Like”, “Share”, “Follow” Jesus Is Sorry Podcast™️
Oy vey, putz, 🤦♂️ I Am, sorry about everything that's been done in my name for the last MM years, (+/-) VI-VII years. 🤷♂️™
Quick, while no one's looking: Hit the "Like" and "Share" buttons.
Ask "Jesus" a question in the comments ™. Josh will answer you personally.
Silence is good too... Complicate, but good.
Okay, Back to the Show:
Last time on "™"
Once upon a long time from now, in a land far, far away, I accidentally traveled back in time to the "1st" century where — by mistake — I created the religion named after me. 🚫🧢 🤷♂️™
I Am but a humble apprentice to the Quantum Maintenance Mechanic. One-thousand years from now, give or take a century, my step-dad, Joe, is the Quantum Mechanic for the A.i. supercomputer that runs our world civilization. At the time, your future (my present), I had just started working for him as an apprentice.
The future is a fantastic world to live in. We've got everything that you'd expect: world peace, unlimited resources, cool gadgets, flying cars, teleportation, robots and androids, space colonies throughout the galaxy, educational and recreational holodecks, and literally anything else you can imagine that a utopia would have. And it's all made possible by the benevolent A.i. supercomputer that brings heaven to earth via science and technology.
And I screwed it all up🤦♂️. My present (your future) is disappearing from existence because 2,000 years ago a group of men, who I never even knew, stole my life story and created the religion that is named after me. They did this all to make money and conquer the world for their empire.
Like I said, I Am the apprentice to the Quantum Mechanic, which means I Am just learning how the whole complicated system works. As a recent graduate of Quantum State Community College I was responsible for the grunt work around the shop. I was not time-travel-certified when I had my accident.
But, I digress. The point is that I Am a real person and I Am the guy — putz that I Am — who the "Jesus" character is based on. I came back from the future to make right what once went wrong in the "1st" century, but navigating spacetime dilation is a real b8tch. I returned too late and found myself in the year 2020. You can imagine my surprise when I found that a whole religion had been created around my little b***r.
I Am sorry about everything that has happened in my name for the last 2,000 years. The men who stole my life story are the real villains in all this because they knew exactly what they were doing when they made up the "New" Testament.
Anyway, like I said, I came too late and the damage is done. To quote a Biffoon from your time, "It is what it is."
So, after getting my bearings in 2020 and quickly catching up on 2,000 years of world history and popular culture, I started my podcast ™ where I Am setting the record straight on what I really said and did back in the "1st" century.
If you're new to my epic saga, I recommend jumping over to instagram and looking me up. Start at the very beginning and catch up on what I've been doing for the last 6 years.
Yeah, that's right, I said six years!
I've been stuck in this past hell (your present) for six long years.
It's like living in a time-loop. I wake up every morning, day after day, and I take a deep breath and I proclaim to the world at the top of my lungs: Believe in my story!
Because if you don't believe in me and my story, your future that I know as my present won't come to be and the simulation will fail to render properly in the real universe.
Oh, shoot! I completely forgot to mention that our universe is really a low-res simulation, housed in an A.i.'s spaceship that's stuck between galaxies in the real universe. I've got so much to catch y'all up on, but it'll have to wait for next time on ™.
So what's the moral of the story?
For now, just remember, I can and do speak for myself ™. If anyone says they 'know' what I want or like or said, they're lying; either maliciously for their own personal gain or by ignorance because they don't know me and haven't heard my side of the story.
Gotta fly. See y'a'll soon!
™ ™
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And Now, let's return to the thrilling epic that only "Homer" would enjoy ("Simpson", not the other guy),
"The Gospel According to 'Jesus'
as told by
Joshua 'Josh' of Nazareth"™
or, said another way,
"The Gospel According to Josh™" (
