08/19/2026
I hear from people how they could never put themselves “out there” like I do on social media… and I get it, I really really do.
There is nothing more petrifying than making a video of yourself showing your art. The vulnerability of it looms large. Add to that you are a larger human, you are an older female in this world and fit no norms of what people find attractive… and you have me! For the most part in my life I have not played into societal norms and gave no crap about how I looked or what my body was, I was pretty sure I was awesome because of what was inside me not what was outside…. And even then its absolutely terrifying to expose yourself and actually be yourself with no little devil on your shoulder as you hit upload to a video file and that little devil tells you how gross and stupid and embarrassing you are.
I will say the boss move is staring down that little sh*tty nagging devil and telling them to f**k off. So that’s what I did, I uploaded the reel and started to slowly creep towards total acceptance of my dorky, wrinkly, ruddy complexioned self.
It still can be hard some days to be real about my videos and not want to edit or refilm things because of how I look or what silly thing I said… but I don’t (unless I stumble over a thousand words) because being true about all of it is important to me…. Although I still can absolutely NOT film anything with anyone in the studio because I’d rather die.
