10/07/2024
You’ll never believe what Ashley had to say about me letting out a nice air biscuit last night while we were watching The Voice. We’re sitting there, enjoying all these contestants singing like angels, and I figured, why not join in on the music and let one rip? So, I go ahead and release one of the loudest farts I’ve let out in a long time—probably thanks to all the ground beef she’s been feeding us lately. I mean, I was proud of this one.
But Ashley? Oh man, she lost it. She’s over there gagging and dry heaving, saying it’s “some of the nastiest, most disgusting, grossest s**t” she’s ever seen. And then she goes off, describing me like I’m laying on the couch, legs spread wide open like I’m giving birth, just farting up a storm, and she guarantees that I got s**t all over my butt crack. She didn’t even see anything, but she just knew it was there, like she had some kind of sixth sense about it. She goes, “If I put on some white gloves and rub your ass crack, I guarantee you there’d be a brown finger.”
I couldn’t stop laughing, and she’s sitting there trying to watch The Voice, getting more and more pi**ed, saying farts aren’t supposed to sound like that. “It should just be air,” she says. Like she’s some fart expert now. Anyway, I about died laughing while she’s looking at me like I’m the most evil troll on the planet.
