05/29/2026
Dearest Friends,
I am writing to you from day 1,428 of the LA County Fair. My diet has only consisted of Donut Burger Mega Melts, deep fried Tw***ie Poppers and Onion Ring Pork Explosions and my only hydration has come in the form of Lemonade Pickle Blasters with extra chamoy.. At night I cuddle up with my giant, stuffed, slightly copyright infringing SpongeBob Rectanglepants which I won on day 840 from a highly competitive game of Balloon Blazing Battle Bunkers. My only companions now are carnies and goats. I'm finding I have better conversations with the goats and they chew on my shoes less. I'm not sure when I'll see civilization again, but if you send help for me you'll probably find me on the Twizzly Death Twister Supreme or the coma inducing Crunchy Concussion Coaster. I'm not sure how much longer I can take... Hey, you'll find me in Building 6 Aisle C. Send help...