Stone and Vine Design

08/26/2026

POSITIVE VIEW OF SELF + NEGATIVE VIEW OF OTHERS = DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT

Let’s talk about the attachment style that says, “I’m fine. Everyone else is a lot.”
A positive view of self sounds healthy, but it does not always mean someone has secure, grounded self worth. Sometimes it is protective self reliance.

“I’m fine on my own.”
“I shouldn’t need anyone.”
“My feelings aren’t the issue.”
“Why is everyone so emotional?”

Often, this person learned that needing people leads to disappointment. So they became independent. Capable. Logical. Completely fine. Just ask them. Then their partner asks for reassurance, clarity or for them to actually talk about what just happened.
Their partner is saying, “Please come closer.”
The dismissive avoidant nervous system may hear, “You are failing me,” “You are the problem,” or “I am about to take away your freedom.” When in actuality if the avoidant mind had more clarity they would know giving more information actually gives you MORE freedom. More accountability equals more freedoms because the anxious or fearful avoidant would have more trust.
So…Instead of risking vulnerability, they hand the problem right back.

“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re always upset.”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Why do we have to keep talking about this?”

Then comes the silence, minimizing, distance and sometimes a full invisible PowerPoint presentation explaining why the person asking for connection is actually the entire issue.
Anxious, fearful and dismissive avoidant relationships can feel so painful.

The anxious partner thinks, “If I explain it one more time, maybe we can repair this.”

The dismissive partner thinks, “If we stop talking about it, maybe it will stop being a problem.”

One moves closer to feel safe.
One moves away to feel safe.
Meanwhile, the relationship is sitting in the corner like, “Hello? I also live here.”
Neither person is necessarily trying to hurt the other. Both are using the protection that once made sense. But protection without awareness can create the exact disconnection both people fear.

Healing together is NOT one person learning to need less so the other person never has to feel uncomfortable.

It is both people learning to stay present and one without abandoning themselves to chase connection. The other without abandoning the relationship to avoid discomfort.

Attachment patterns are not identities. They are protective strategies. What was learned for survival can be met with curiosity, safety, awareness and repair.
Which attachment style calls to you? Remember these aren’t our whole selves just part of us that may give us patterns that aren’t truly giving us our best life.

08/26/2026

Hi, this is for the people who don’t have boundaries. If you already have healthy boundaries, you can move along or stay for a little vindication.

Boundaries come in all shapes and sizes, but if you find yourself angry, offended, or hurt because a family member, friend, or coworker has set one with you, If someone else’s boundary lands as rejection, pause and get curious about what it touched in you. Sometimes another person’s boundary presses directly against one of our own patterns. For example, imagine a friend tells you, “I can’t answer late at night anymore.” You immediately feel rejected and think, “Wow, I would always be there for them.” But is the anger really about their boundary, or is it about the fact that you make yourself endlessly available, even when you are depleted, and quietly resent that no one protects you in the same way?

That is where the work is. The next time someone’s clear boundary triggers you, pause and ask yourself: Is this boundary actually harmful, or is it simply unfamiliar? What story am I attaching to it? Where am I allowing something similar in my own life? What boundary do I need but feel afraid to set? Let your conscious awareness answer before your subconscious wound takes over. Boundaries are our friends. Relationships without boundaries often create resentment, confusion, and anger that eventually leaks out. A romantic relationship without boundaries is even juicier. 😳

Signed, a formerly boundary impaired person.

P.S. When I first started setting boundaries, some people in my life were absolutely shocked and appalled, and then I felt guilty. Can you believe it? I felt guilty for protecting my own heart. But that is what happens when we associate boundaries with rejection, selfishness, or conflict. We avoid the discomfort, stay silent, and eventually our anger leaks out through sarcasm, irritation, resentment, passive aggression, and gossip. Gossip can be some very loud, leaky anger. So let’s forgive ourselves for all the times we didn’t know how to protect our hearts and move forward knowing that the right people may not always like our boundaries, but they will not require us to abandon ourselves to remain in their lives.

*obsessed with the moon 🌕 this pic was when we took a trip to Croatia. Many more moons to share! 🌜

08/17/2026

I used to think healing would make me better at explaining myself. Instead, it made me need to explain myself less. There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from constantly building a case for your own experiences. Why you feel quiet or why you feel you may need space before you are even ready to answer that for yourself.

Eventually this work takes the parts that are quiet that we need to fill the space with noise. It taught me that silence can be safe too. It gives your mind space to regulate around what you actually need, not what everyone else needs in order to feel comfortable.

*pics of our cat my son took feel like what I'm trying to explain.

In the first picture Ranger is quiet, resting but still alert, eyes open ears up, watching what's around him. He is physically still but part of him is paying attention. He is still trying to fill the quiet. (you aren't fooling anyone with your "peace")

In the second he completely lets go. Eyes closed, head down, body softened into the sunlight. Nothing to watch. Nothing to anticipate or respond to.

I’m asking you to notice how difficult quiet can actually be. What do you fill it with? And which picture feels more like the trust you’re trying to create within yourself and in the life around you?

08/11/2026

People sometimes ask me, “What exactly do you do?”

And the answer has grown.

Stone & Vine was never meant to fit neatly into one box.

I work with the shadows we carry within ourselves, the patterns that show up in our relationships, and even the stories our homes can quietly hold.

My current offerings include:

1:1 Shadow Work • Somatic + Inner Parts Work • Couples Relational Resets • House Shadow Sessions • Home + Shadow Design • Past Life Regression • Higher Self Letters • Shadow Work Letters • Home Numerology • Private Immersions • Retreat + Group Experiences

Some people come to me because they keep repeating the same relationship pattern.

Some because they feel disconnected from themselves.

Some because their home no longer feels like them.

Some don’t even know exactly what they’re looking for yet. They just know something is ready to shift.

That’s the space I love working in.

Stone & Vine Design
Healing for your life. Clarity for your home.

08/09/2026

You can understand someone and still honor what happened inside you.

There’s a subtle shadow in being able to see everyone’s perspective. You can understand why they reacted that way. You can see what they were carrying, recognize their wounds, and even have compassion for the parts of them that hurt you.

But sometimes all of that understanding becomes a way of moving away from the simplest question: What did this experience actually feel like for me?

Shadow work has shown me that compassion doesn’t require self-abandonment. I can understand someone without explaining away my experience. I can hold nuance without questioning what I felt. I can see someone else’s humanity without disappearing from my own.

I can understand you without overruling myself.

07/31/2026

As I’m going through the thick of this training and amazing opportunity to see myself even deeper I’m noticing so much more and allowing more freedom to trickle in.

What if healing was giving yourself permission to become who fear interrupted?

For years I thought healing meant fixing yourself, I was never broken! I was interrupted.
Interrupted by fear and survival.
Stories that convinced me staying small and vigilant was the safest way to love, belong, and protect the people around me. I’m not learning who I am, I’m learning what my fear interrupted.
I’m so thankful for my fear, this part of me kept me alive in a way that a person shouldn’t have to think about. But it’s time to let that part of me rest. I don’t need strategy to survive anymore.

It’s an exhausting journey to try and become “better”

Who am I trying to become? It’s really….
Who have I been waiting to give me permission to be? And no one is going to give you permission but YOU.

I’m not fearless and never will be, but you bet your ass I’m willing to follow that fear now and be uncomfortable in it. Thats where the shift is to being you! Your fear tried to protect you but sometimes that protection is outdated, that fear is keeping you from your dreams. From the life you are supposed to be living. My work for others doesn’t show them that they shouldn’t be afraid it’s reframing the fear and how it’s outdated.

Sidenote: my husband and I are always matching. Honestly it’s accidental! 😅 I really do have nothing to fear anymore but fear itself. That sentence takes on a whole new meaning after this work.

07/27/2026

I’m heading into another season of shadow work, this time in Montana to see what fears may still be quietly shaping my life. Every time I think I’ve reached the deepest layer, there’s another invitation to become a little more free.

What’s fascinating is that the journey doesn’t begin when I get there. It begins now.

In the weeks leading up to it, I notice myself paying closer attention. Watching my patterns instead of becoming them. Feeling where my body tightens. Listening to the stories that get louder as change gets closer. It’s as if every part of me knows something is about to shift.

Going deep isn’t easy. It asks you to loosen your grip on the stories that once kept you safe, face the parts of yourself you’d rather avoid, and trust that what’s waiting on the other side is worth it.

And maybe that’s the greatest gift of all…learning to know yourself so deeply that you begin to trust yourself more than your fear.

There is something incredibly peaceful about that kind of trust. You stop searching for certainty outside of yourself because you’ve become a safe place to land within yourself.

Freedom isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about uncovering who you’ve been beneath the fear all along.

Everyone sees through their own shadow lense. Our subconscious blurs our vision of the world and the people in it. The more work I do in this regard the more I can see with clarity within my work and life. I’m so thankful I get to help others do the same! ❤️

07/23/2026

07/19/2026

The parts of us shaped by fear, rejection, or past experiences often wait for approval before speaking, resting, changing, or taking up space.

Your soul doesn’t operate from fear.

It already knows who you are.

Healing isn’t becoming someone new. It’s recognizing when your wounds are asking for permission and gently choosing to let your deeper self lead instead.

07/10/2026

One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that forgiveness is something you should force yourself to do.

It isn’t.

If you’re trying to make yourself forgive before your nervous system has processed what happened, you’re usually asking a wounded part of yourself to bypass its own pain. That isn’t healing. It’s another way of abandoning yourself.

Shadow work asks a different question.

Instead of asking, “Why can’t I forgive?”

It asks, “What inside of me is still hurting? What belief did this awaken? What part of me still feels unsafe?”

That’s where the healing happens.

As you work with those deeper wounds, something begins to shift. The situation doesn’t have the same grip on your body anymore. You don’t replay it as often. You don’t become as activated. And if you are triggered, you recover more quickly because your nervous system has developed the capacity to move through it instead of staying stuck in it.

For many people, forgiveness becomes a natural byproduct of that healing.

Not because they forced it.

But because the wound no longer needs to stay open.

And sometimes what naturally emerges isn’t forgiveness at all. Sometimes it’s acceptance. Sometimes it’s indifference. Sometimes it’s simply peace.

None of those require you to invite the person back into your life.

Healing doesn’t mean the relationship becomes healthy.

It means you no longer carry the same burden every time you think about it.

That’s the difference between forcing forgiveness and becoming free.