Mama With Trauma

03/27/2026

01/06/2026

I heard some kids playing outside the morning that I scribbled this on a Cracker Barrel napkin. I titled it “Again and Again”

the world is round
and i have walked
the same circle of loss
so many times
i could trace it
with my eyes closed

grief does not move in straight lines
it loops back
pulling me to memories
i still hold
like fragile glass

some mornings
i am sure
i will never find my way out

and still
the sun rises

it does not ask
if i am strong enough
it simply arrives
spilling light
into the places
i swore would stay dark forever

i make coffee
water the plants
touch the tiny pieces
of a life
that kept going
even when i didn’t

the world moves gently
around me—
neighbors checking their mail
children laughing
cars humming down the road

and for a moment
i remember
i am not the only one
learning how to live
with a broken heart
stitched back together
by love i can no longer hold

every night
i look to the sky
searching for the two lights
that guide me

they do not speak
but they steady me
with their quiet presence

and i realize
healing is not the absence
of missing them

healing
is learning to walk
with their light
beside me

as i make my way
Around this world
again

and again

and again

(I used this poem I’d written to write song lyrics that I turned into an actual song. I’m very pleased with how it turned out❤️ creating beautiful things from this grief is so helpful and comforting to me https://suno.com/s/0bNDmDvdnSuJp43B)

01/05/2026

I turned a poem into a song! I described in detail exactly what I wanted it to sound like and used ai to bring it to life!

12/15/2025

What the Sock Knows

Sometimes the smallest things remain,
a quiet thread, a scrap of proof,
a single sock the world mislaid
that whispers love instead of truth.

I find you where you shouldn’t be,
behind the couch, beneath the bed,
as if you slip back home to me
from someplace kinder than the dead.

I tell myself it’s just a thing,
some cotton lost to passing days,
but grief believes in everything
that dares to find me anyway.

This pair was made to touch the floor,
to steady steps you never took—
tiny letters, rubbered words,
a promise printed where I look.

I wonder how I’ll know your face
when time releases what it stole.
Will you be small? Or grown? Or both,
when I arrive with all my love?

So when your children rush inside
and shed their lives along the door,
remember nothing ever stays
the way it lived there once before.

A breathing child, a laugh, a name
can shrink to echoes we still feel:
a sock, a photo, borrowed dream
that proves the love was once so real.

We only ever have this day.
This fragile now. This open hand.
And those we love, however brief,
still find us
in the way they can.

11/24/2025

the world is round
and i have walked
the same circle of loss
so many times
i could trace it
with my eyes closed

grief does not move in straight lines
it loops back
pulling me to memories
i still hold
like fragile glass

some mornings
i am sure
i will never find my way out

and still
the sun rises

it does not ask
if i am strong enough
it simply arrives
spilling light
into the places
i swore would stay dark forever

i make coffee
water the plants
touch the tiny pieces
of a life
that kept going
even when i didn’t

the world moves gently
around me—
neighbors checking their mail
children laughing
cars humming down the road

and for a moment
i remember
i am not the only one
learning how to live
with a broken heart
stitched back together
by love i can no longer hold

every night
i look to the sky
searching for the two lights
that guide me

they do not speak
but they steady me
with their quiet presence

and i realize
healing is not the absence
of missing them

healing
is learning to walk
with their light
beside me

as i make my way
around this world
again

and again

and again

10/10/2025

For Keeps

I thought that this one was for keeps
I thought that love would be enough
I thought life wouldn’t fall apart while my baby sleeps
I guess I was wrong about a lot of stuff

I wanted a normal life with a picket fence
I wanted to complain about being bored
I wanted the little things that just make sense
I guess it all cost more than I could afford

I prayed for healing of his cruel disease
I prayed to find guidance in the Good Book
I prayed in a quiet room, down on my knees
I guess the answers are somewhere I didn’t look

I hoped for miracles, to turn back the clock
I hoped for fate to have a surprise up its sleeve
I hoped I was a lost sheep being lead back to the flock
I guess I will stick around; I had plans to leave

I was not prepared for this; I had so many dreams
I was going to somehow make it all okay
I was not as frail as it probably still seems
I guess I’ll never know why they couldn’t stay

I am surviving but carry a familiar pain
I am aware a person sows before she reaps
I am one bad day from circling the drain
I guess I just really thought this one was for keeps.

09/03/2025

Lazy Sundays
Comfortable bed
Peaceful slumber
News reports read
Frequent laughter
Front porch talks
Long warm showers
Late night walks
The world is changing
And we should, too
Be careful who you
Give your midnights to
Piano playing
Concert for one
We chose to listen
When tempted to run
Parallel paths
Don’t usually cross
But kindness heals
Hearts sick from loss
That heart’s still beating
Inside my chest
And I’m so grateful
And still feel blessed
For sleepy mornings
And all our dreams
Sometimes life’s sweeter
Than it really seems
And gifts come unwrapped
And often unplanned
For once I don’t feel any
Need to understand
Love moves mountains
And even sings
And orders pizza
And loses things
And time is precious
And lips should be kissed
Look at everything
That I almost missed

09/03/2025

My arms are outstretched; my flag is white
It doesn’t matter anymore who is wrong or right
It’s time to lay down our weapons and fight no more
There’s only quitters and losers in this selfish war

But I hear trumpets of triumph; they must be for you
To the beat of the war drums I thought you marched to
Both sides fatigued and bloody and covered in muck
The harder I try to get out, the deeper I am stuck

The time has come for white flags to be waved
If only for dignity and our lives to be saved
It all went too far; this war just cannot be won
If unkindness is a weapon, please lay down your gun

(I have no idea who or what inspired this piece. I found it one of my many half-full notebooks and thought it was interesting!)

07/14/2025

Lost & Found

They call it the “lost and found” for a reason
Though we tend to focus on the lost
And forget about the found

Anyone who knows me well
Is aware of my infuriating tendency to misplace important things, like
My keys
My phone
My hairbrush

Remotes
Vapes
Drinks
Lip balms

And, naturally, my mind.

My whole life, I’ve been losing things
And then rejoicing when I find them again later

So you’d think I’d be an expert.

But then, I lost precious, invaluable, irreplaceable parts of my life: one twin, one partner, one child.

4 futures: theirs and my own.
All desire to survive.
Any hope of ever again waking up in the morning and looking forward to seeing what that day may bring.

I lost my identity.
My purpose.
My joy.

Almost my faith.
Almost my life.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, something shifted.

I began finding much of what I’d lost,
One little piece at a time.
Not like a puzzle,
But instead, like a mosaic.
Taking the debris of my brokenness and using it to create beautiful things.

Because sometimes we aren’t meant to repair the broken
Or replace the lost

Because it is in the space in between that art is made
And all art is valuable if it means something to you

One thing about losing everything is the way you value what you manage to find again

How you treat it with tenderness
And gratitude
Finding balance in letting yourself savor it and never losing sight of the lesson loss taught you:

At some point, tomorrow never comes.

All we have is today,

And in spite of all we’ve lost,
And because of all we’ve found,
We will take this gift
And make it beautiful.