01/03/2026
Hello all my beautiful friends— those I know personally, socially, or just digitally from afar... it's 2026 and gawd knows why you've stuck with me through all my instability, but it gives me the vapors that you have, and I'm truly grateful as f*k. I wanted to send this out yesterday, but it's a lot, and I needed to find the words...
I've been through it the last few years, including a complete mental breakdown mid 2023, which took me through a good part of 2024. It created an opportunity for a very deep healing journey, and level foundation to rebuild on. Which I did. So I thought that would clear the way for a 2025 comeback, but it led to me to more or less peacing the f*k out for another year. I guess I was still in "disengage mode" from the previous years while my energy continued to shift, and other personal events would create more opportunities to further dissect the s**t out of my existence and heal ingrained lifelong traumas. And I feel pretty incredible about that part, actually. I'm thankful for the people that inadvertently broke me, and for the ones that stuck with me while I dealt with it. (Sometimes they were the same people.)
I believe that one of my greatest strengths is my ability to heal— both myself, and those around me who are willing. And I believe that one of the most effective ways I do that, is through what I make. I really do create with the intention of spreading joy, and that's has been the continuous feedback I get from you. I will only work when I'm happy, because I refuse to put bad energy into the pieces I release out into the world. And given my emotional state the last few years, making things has drastically slowed down. And that has unfortunately led to my letting a whole bunch of you down, which is the exact opposite of what I want to be doing. Which leads to the anxiety, and not opening piles of messages, and the shame of disappointing and upsetting you, and the cycle continues. And now I'm creating harm instead of love, and it's painful to accept, and I couldn't get myself out of it.
Add to that, my Lasercutter went t**s up this past summer, and without it I haven't been able to generate the income to buy a new one. Which certainly does NOT help with my order fulfillment. I have some wonderful friends that wanted to organize a GoFundMe, but I wouldn't let them. I had so much guilt around already letting too many of you down with orders, that I couldn't fathom taking donations to benefit from in such a generous way.
But among the truly spectacular people in my life, one of them stepped in (and I still don't know why) to take over the business-end of my life. I don't know how she finds the time, or energy to deal with me, and ALL of this, but she has. Even when it means being up for nearly 2 days straight, because she is determined to get this ship upright. She's been calling my customers. Sending me lists. Overhauling my website, and shipping my orders. Orders, that I have been chipping away at via the lasercutter at the public library. She's keeping my adhd ass on task, and we're close to being caught up. If you're still waiting, I PROMISE it's coming! And if you send an email to my website she'll read it. And she'll even respond! It's crazy, I know. She's amazing, and that's an understatement.
All that being said, I thank you if you're still reading. And I love you. And I'm so deeply sorry to those I've harmed through my neglect, not just with orders. And I'm so deeply grateful for all of you who have been on this journey with me, if you wanted to be or not. And I love some of you a whole extra lot, and I hope you know who you are— thank you for being in my inner circle, I know it's a wacky place.
With some additional deeply rooted trauma being released just in the past week, I am experiencing life as someone I've never been before... and I'm pretty goddamn excited about it. Looking forward to this year and what I'm going to make for you, even though the world seems to be falling apart and I don't know how I'm going to make any of it. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
Oh— there are FINALLY some things on my website, we nearly killed ourselves making it happen. If you buy them, it's safe, they will be shipped quickly. New things will actually be added regularly. Thank you to everyone who has already been shopping in the past 24 hours, those orders have already gone out. Eeeep. 🤗
