05/07/2024
What Coaching Stasia Acrobats has Meant to Me
A little more than 12 years ago, I quit my job and returned to my roots, the circus. I began my own Troupe, Stasia Acrobats and what this journey has meant to me is more than I could ever have imagined.
For many years, I floundered about, lost in a civilian world as many Veterans find themselves. Especially, those of us that have seen war. War. . . something destructive to life, limb, and the after if you should be so fortunate (not fortunate) to make it home somewhat intact. But, I digress as I am not here to write about war, but what has brought me from the brink of self-destruction, to a lease on life, to finally finding joy and a happiness that I have not known since I was young.
You see, war changes your outlook on life, it dements you, it makes you cynical, hateful, and, in my case, self-destructive as I dealt with guilt complexes for many years. I still do, but not like I once did. Beginning this Troupe was the best thing I ever did, for me and I would say for a good number of the ‘Bats that came through here. It was not easy for them, nor myself. I was ornery, cranky, mean, overly direct and tough on anyone that stepped into the studio. I yelled and cursed and pushed ‘Bats hard to become the best that they could be. At times, I was unforgiving. I am still not always the easiest to work with, but I am better than I once was.
Forming this Troupe really, in all honesty, saved my life. I could have drank myself into a grave or just never cared about anything which would have continued a life of lonely despair and self-destruction. For so many years, I never cared about much or about people, other than my parents. And even then, I could have been better. But, back to the Troupe, the ‘Bats kept coming and continued to impress me with their hardwork, dedication (to the Troupe and each other) and with their love of acrobatics and the challenge of it all. This Troupe, not only provided a second home, family, or in some cases, an actual family, for the ‘Bats, but it gave me something I never thought I would have or deserved. . . a family! Slowly, over the years, the ‘Bats and their families began to change me for the better. I became less jaded, more focused, I began to care more, overall, I became a better man, not perfect in any way, shape, or form, but a better man than I was. Every single ‘Bat that came through and their families, they all had a hand in how I became a better man. Some more than most, but I learned from all.
I yell less, I care more for those around me, and I sincerely want the best for all the ‘Bats. I want to help them all achieve their goals in life, whatever they may be. Whatever it is that I can do, I will provide the best help possible. From tutors for school to different disciplines (dance, ballet, acting), hell, we have even had an instructor come in to teach self-defense, I have worked hard to provide different experiences and opportunities to ‘Bats. They have traveled and performed in several states, on tv, in auditions for AGT. And in those travels, we always made the best of them whether it was meals or visiting the Loveland Living Aquarium in Draper, Utah, or the Natural History Museum at the U of Utah or the many other stops on our journeys.
We have performed with some amazing groups, the most with Extreme Ballroom who (Staci, Tim, and everyone) have always been so incredible to us. So much so, providing one of the coolest experiences when we went down to Provo with them to perform at a competition. Now that was a fun trip! The Troupe has been featured in magazines, radio commercials, and been the main performer for many events through the years. A handful even had the opportunity to work with people from my career as a circus performer/trainer. And over the years, because I am a Veteran, I make sure that we perform as much as we can for Veteran events. To date, we have performed 48 shows for these events over our 12 years.
Through all of the years, the good times, the bad times, all the times that I pi**ed off 'Bats or families, the tough moments, the heartbreaks, and the craziest and most difficult stages to perform upon, the Troupe has always come through. And as they accomplished all of these things, they continued to breakdown my walls and open me up (which meant dealing with a lot of crap that I never dealt with before from combat actions, but it was something that had to be done). Slowly, but surely, I began to feel again, eventually, even smiling and enjoying life.
I have loved every minute of this. Every hard moment, every amazing performance, all of the drives, meals, downtime, and just fun moments where everyone just enjoyed the day. I don’t know how I will ever be able to say ‘thank you’ enough to everyone, especially to those that have stuck with me and the Troupe over the years. To those that never gave up on me as a coach or as a person, Thank You. It took years, but I finally realized that I am human and that is alright.
In war, I lost all of my closest friends. Most to the wars, some to the hardships of life after the wars (i.e. su***de, car accidents, alcohol/drug overdoses). For years, I never forgave myself for surviving the wars, for not dying, but because of this Troupe, because of the ‘Bats and families (Some, much more than others), I am still standing. I am sober and, once again, happy in life!
Thank You, Everyone. I have nothing but love for all of you. And I look forward to continuing our traditions for new generations!
