More poems by Rhonda Bennett

More poems by Rhonda Bennett The struggle IS real and as two forces pull and tug at your coat tail 24/7, the goal becomes: SANITY

12/05/2022

I ran with my tail tucked
When I saw you behind me I knew I was fu**ed
I played it off when I laughed at myself for being such a chicken s**t.
I was learning then that if ever there was ever a time to run...this was it.
I just wanted to find fireflies and put them in a jar....and go on loving you.

Rb

12/05/2022

She stood up, held her head up, pushed her sleeves up and decided not to give up!
F**k the pretty smoke, survival pulses through her veins like a steam engine pushing through the windy day, like a clock screaming the time, with something to say. When nobody cares about the tick tocking, it's time only good for people and their squaking.
No follower, but wild like a wild flower coming up wherever the land allows,

She does her make-up everyday as if everyday she's going to be on T.V. She smells like fresh flowers, her hair shiny and whatever color she decided to be that day. Using a spoon for her meds but not after checking her lips in the reflection, looking at herself, bedroom eyes...she shrugs her shoulders and wished she had some drugs! Again, she shrugs. Why is life so hard to live when you are clean and sober she wonders, grabbing for her beer, popping the top and worrying early on that she won't want to stop, so she secures a spot in an old man's bed, making sure, that her addictions get fed.

Rb

12/05/2022

When you point your finger at me and from your mouth flow endless s**t,
When you appoint yourself queen of my jungle and upon MY throne you sit,
Remember the hand that feeds you will slap you upside your head,
Within the same extension to your mouth, your own words you will be fed,
So before you go off yapping, think about all of the things you've said and done,
And dance to the hustle and flow of the phycological impact of my gun.
Leaving room for more knowledge and solid as a steel trap,
The hustle is just a dance we do, far better then your rap.
Take the back roads out of the territorial wolves way ,
Remember that when you sit before me, you are rolling dice in a game that I DO NOT Play,
The hustle is just a dance,
No way...no chance...

Rb

12/05/2022

I took my karma and i took it well...I vowed that in the past I will not dwell.
It was indeed quite hard to swallow but in the pity pool I shall now wallow,
I have grown since then and I'm moving on again intent on doing it right....may the moon please give back my light.
Since the midnight hours bring me peace, I declare the war on myself shall promptly cease
And all negativity be banished once and for all.
I won't take the fall for all involved, those wrongs I shall not bear,
You'll adjust to being seen critically and judged the same, it is MY shoes you will now wear.
rb

12/03/2022

Here am I , as sad as the raindrops falling from the sky.
They are sorrow filled tears of an angel who can no longer fly.
Feeling tired and as if all hope is gone, strength; depleted.
I am in the muddy, Murky waters that lead to the deep blue sea, already defeated.
No longer flowing with life and love like its suppose to be. Instead it is at a stand still
I want out of this dog eat dog world, and into one true and real.
God keeps his promise and carries me into a place beautiful and kind.
Where I can rest and be at ease and just leave it all behind.
I am no bigger then a tiny seed that has stayed dormant and is just waiting.
You could imagine the things I've been contemplating.
I'm weak as I bid the world, as it is in my mind, a sincere and sad goodbye.
My tears are about as Holy as the fallen angels' tears are when for the first time, they cry.
I can take the dagger given to me by many a lost soul, guided by the wrong spirit, plunged in as far as it will go.
The dagger rests inside of my dying heart.
As the vultures circle overhead just waiting to tear me apart.
I lay lifeless and helpless, without air for my breath or hope for life to be.
I've made the wrong choices up to the very end of my journey and there is nothing more for me.
I can't move as I hear the hungry vultures tearing the flesh from my bone, devouring my flesh,
bit by bit, making me lay for every sin I own.
All because of the many mountains standing before me.
I could feel everything as my life replayed in my mind.
I knew then what I know now but was so terribly blind.
My mind replays all of my life, forcing me to have regret and remorse.
Even in the end, you can't forget and your life runs its full course.

rb

12/03/2022

Although each day is a new beginning
Yesterday isn't easily forgotten when you're not winning.
My heart knows pain.
It bleeds, cries and longs to know the Feel of the rain as it pours down on my Face and my mind fights against it, Knowing it's place.

I know the misery of hating
I also know the joy of loving
It's the bitter after taste of denial that Rips and tears at me until you I'm ate Up with pride so crippling I can't even Walk upright.
Pride keeping you down is like the Denial that raises you so high off the Ground you can't see what you are Stepping on.
You opt out of caring in order to survive without dying on your mind.

When you can live with yourself Caring, and know that it's the rest of The world who has it wrong by not, Then you can make it, you CAN.

Rb

12/03/2022

Over the edge and done with it all,
It hasn't been worth my time to marinate in the brawl.

I don't shame my heart for loving you
With all my heart and soul,
I only regret not leaving when you wanted me to go.

You have sucessfully ran me off, and left me with a bitter taste,
You dealt with me with mockery, sarcasm and haste.

I struggled since day one,
struggled to be okay.
Trusting you was so much easier,
Then watching you walk away.

What changed me wasn't my moms death as much as it was the treatment I took from you,
And the tragic ending to my life as I knew it, was over too.

I transformed into someone who I never thought I could be,
Loving you had brought out the worst in me.

My life is at a stand still...waiting on me to take the first step alone.
To let yiu go from my heart and soul
And find a place I can ca home.

Once I called your heart my home and it eased my pain and dried my tears.
Before I knew it, I was caught up in a web of deceit and it had been years.

You labeled me, bashed me, your intentions were never right,
Now stuck in your muck and your I dom't give a f**k, I finally see the light.

So tonight is the night I decide to grab hold of the reins,
Take the wheel and nl matter how you feel, .burn what haunts and taunts me and bury the remains.

Rb

,

12/03/2022

You were my candy dish, my willing wife, perfect to be everything I needed and wanted riolled into one fine, volultuous and sexy woman.
If I ever had a craving, it was you I crave. If I ever said I was hungry or tbirsy, it was you that I wanted. You made everything worth while and my every thought everyday. Nothing could stop me from loving you, I believed in all you did and never strayed or swayed.
Rememberimg words you said, as they came in the moment at hand, I fell back into the sole purpose of you, my gift from God...to be cherished and sacred for me to keep and love forever.

Rb

No dopeI use you to copeLike a knot in a ropeThat I'm hanging from.With a bullet in my head,Lying in the bed,The one I m...
12/03/2022

No dope
I use you to cope
Like a knot in a rope
That I'm hanging from.
With a bullet in my head,
Lying in the bed,
The one I made instead
Of the one we shared.
Remember that one?

I drown in the tears
that I've swam in for years
Reaching up for a helping hand,
you watched me go under,
You didn't even care to understand.

You added ripples to the pool,
You gave me a joker hat
And there I was; the fool.
Struggling to switch gears.
Running from what looks like A judgment of peers,
Staying alive, thriving off of fears.
Your picture all around me
Your smell surrounds me
And keeps me one more night
Like a twisted cannibal
Living only to eat you alive
Until everything is deemed alright.

The sun wants me to bask,
I reject the offer,
And keep the mask,
Hiding tears that keep you
Guessing and afraid to ask.
With what I believe to be my best
Bet,
I put it all in, every last dime,
Let my party begin
I have nothing but time.
My mind is hot, craving that
Knowledge open for the world to learn,
The tragic ending of a relationship built by the shoulders we each cried on, leaned on and massaged until they were ready for more.
Taking turns being the w***e,
Never quite knowing what the time spent together was for in the end.
Looking in the mirror at a face worn with time and a rugged road traveled,
I only see the ugly that I became when I became a part of the play, on stage without a script and lost in between what I'm suppose to say and what I want to say,
so to avoid the judgments I just say nothing,
Allowing for the truth to remain known to God alone, and for your assumptions to be your truth....with the facts painting me a beautiful white, and what you assume being familiar black that I am best suited to accept.
I bow and exit stage left....on back to the door that takes me into the darkness that your assumptions feel I should be living in.
If I told you that I feel at home and calm in this darkness you would Agree...you would never believe that I brought light to that darkness....it's never brought black to my light, meaning that I'm the one responsible for what resides in my darkness and I Allow the light that feeds my soul.

Rb

11/24/2022

Happy Thanksgiving!
Praying for those outside and without a home....being grateful to being warm right now.

Address

Amarillo, TX

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