04/12/2026
A Tribute, A glimpse of my story and a dedication, to my dad.
As a child, I grew up without a dad. I had a brief stepdad from a young age that was unhealthy, harmful and scary in many ways, he was the only male role model I had for a few short years, there was no gentleness, no compassion, very little love.
Around eight years old, I would be heading into my fourth foster care home; this one would be with my forever family.
This home was safe, a space that allowed me to heal, grow, and shape me to be the person I am today. A beautiful family of five, my mom, my brothers and sisters.
At sixteen, my biological mom introduced me to her new husband and soon they would live happily in Germany, I would visit them on my trips.
I had missed out on that crucial bond between daughter and father growing up and it's not something I expressed or wore on my sleeve, but something I had longed for deep down.
When I was in high school, our senior year, I started dating my sweetheart, gosh he was and still is absolutely GORGEOUS, smart, kind, intuitive, polite, funny, compassionate, adventurous, creative and so much more, many things that were instilled in him growing up.
A few months prior I would be in a relationship were I would be judged and ridiculed by adult Christian parents and friends of this guy I dated for a short time, for being a child who went through the foster system, I would be judged for my mother's choices, its wasn't fair and it was hurtful, this was brought up recently and God knew that boy and his family would not be right for me and a few months later he would open my eyes to my sweetheart, he would prepare the hearts of his family as they fully accepted me for me, for my heart, my personality, never once judging me for things that weren't mine, they opened up their loving arms and hearts to me and embraced me and soon I would become one of their own.
My junior year, I tried to get emancipated, I sat in front of a panel of people that looked at me smirking and mocking me, because my grades were not good enough, I didn't have a job, they told me they didn't see it happening anytime soon.
That set a fire under me, I went back a few months later, got my grades up, got a job and was determined, showed them I could and I did! That felt SO GOOD!
My senior year I was living on my own, I had a job, went to school, held down my own apartment and started dating my sweetheart. I had learned how to cook some meals that would be a staple for company, so naturally I wanted to impress his parents by inviting them over and make them a meal.
At the time, I had a bed, a tv and possibly a couch, I made them a meal of baked chicken, mashed potatoes and fried zucchini, we ate on boxes, because that's what I had to offer at the time and for years this story would come up.
At the end of our senior year, Josh's parents would have a graduation party, it wasn't just for him, but for both of us.
I admired both of his parents so much, I looked up to them, the way they loved in their family, supported each other, encouraged each other.
Five years later I would marry the love of my life, I would have a now brother in-law, sister in-law and their spouses, including my Shell, my now brother's wife whom I had adopted into my heart the day we met before they got married.
I remember the way the room was lit when Josh and I, now married, hand in hand, walking down the church stairs as everyone was waiting to congratulate us, the tulle that was wrapped and draped around the room, the twinkly lights, the hanging ivy, the sprinkles of flowers, the simple yet sweet decor..
There was a handful of toasts given and I wish I could remember all of them, but the one that stood out to me, the one were the words would wrapped me up in a big warm hug, was the one that my father in-love gave, the words he spoke with love, grace, patience, with observation, with acceptance, I didn't see it then, but I felt it, but now it is so clear to me now that he had accepted me as his own, a really Long time ago.
Watching him be a loving and devoted husband to his first lovely bride, then later to his second beautiful bride, watching him be the best dad to his son, his other grown kids and myself, after watching him be the BEST Papa we could have ever asked for or been blessed with and after years of continued love, guidance, adventures, check-ins and so much more.
One day, I must have been 30 years old, we had lived in our first home for a short time, and I decided to call him on the phone, I was so nervous and had butterflies in my stomach.
He picks up, I started talking, and sharing what I had just shared above, I shared that I know by law he is my Father, but proceeded, more butterflies fluttering I continued and asked him "Will you be my dad?" he so graciously replied and said that 'he would be honored' and from then on, I called him Dad.
In those next years, I would hold you even closer in my heart, sharing a deeper bond and continuing to watch you love on all of our little treasures and being such an influential pillar in our lives.
Our goodbye a handful of weeks ago touched my soul, sitting on your hospital bed, holding out your hand to me as you said " My daughter, come sit with me" smiling, we held hands for ten whole minutes, cried a little and looked at our shared life, which will never seem long enough, but your words wrapped in all the love, you spoke from your heart over me, they meant the absolute world, telling me how loved I am, how Proud of me you are and so much more that I will keep just for me.
We got blessed with a couple more weeks after that, you got to come home, be in your oasis and see your grandbabies one more time, these were answered Prayers.
Dad, it's been a week since you went to be with Jesus, my heart hurts, sunny days and springtime just doesn't feel right without you, honestly preferring the gloomy rainy days or stormy, because it reflects how I feel, I know in time it will get easier.
Being with you the week leading to your Farewell for now, has been the hardest, most gut wrenching weeks of my life, of ours, but it has also been wrapped up in such beauty too, our whole family coming together to be with you, care for you, talk to you, read to you, love on you, pray over you, so much handholding and cheek kisses.
The way we all held space for each other in such a difficult time and trying to help lift the hurt just a little off of someone else, because we are all hurting, you were so loved.
This piece started when I last saw You, the last time we would all have conversations, the last big hugs we would receive, knowing we would have weeks to months with you, leaving that day felt really hard.
Once we got home, Emma challenged me to a drawing contest, I was tired and emotionally drained, but it had been weeks since she'd asked and I didn't have the heart to say no, so we did.
She suggested something with wings, it could have been anything, but I chose an Angel, she then asked what about feeling and emotion, what emotion would it portray?
The only feeling I could wrap my mind around and pull out of my heart was 'Somber'.
It became the piece I chose to pour into, a piece where I would embrace how I was feeling and with you in mind with each brush stroke and detail, it would be healing, it would hold so much emotion as they came, sometimes tears, sometimes frustration, sometimes happy memories.
It has been my honor and privilege being a daughter to you and loving the most wonderful gift you have shared with me, your son and to be able to share that with all of our incredible children.
You will forever be cherished, forever missed, forever loved.
