13/08/2021
This week I saw myself struggling to celebrate the progress I’ve made. During the challenging moments, I struggled to identify let alone acknowledge the progress made. I worked hard, I played hard, I rested, I recharged. And then there were moments of anxiety and fear running through my mind.
How is it so easy for Nya to accept the good things? She operates under the premise that life is meant to be good, rich and wonderful. Anything less, she will not stand for it and will ask for things to change. However, many times I see myself settling for less than, because I think even that is too much sometimes.
When life sent good things our way this week, my mind began to wonder if this was real. My mind hasn’t yet gotten used to living life without deep pain… with more joy and passion. It feels unreal sometimes. And then I see fear come up and talk to me, wondering when things will go back to the way they were.
Is all of the good stuff only temporary? Do I deserve it? Am I living a dream or is this my real life? Will this all go away?
Nya caught my worrying and put her paw paw on my face. She told me she finds it funny that I worry so much, and sees my anxiety as cute sometimes. Then she licked my face, and gave me some golden advice.
What is unfamiliar will become familiar to me. I have chosen to follow my own path to be happy, and it gives me joy + comfort. Me, all of me, deserves good things despite my discomfort receiving it. Cute anxiety will walk away or take a nap once it knows the ice cream can be eaten + enjoyed.
Well, I can’t tell you if all of it necessarily makes sense in my head yet, but I’ll take her advice for now.
Love, a very anxious Anyā
