09/06/2024
Three weeks ago, I accidentally left my phone in my friend’s car, allowing me the experience of having an internet free night. I was amazed at the strength of feeling this gave me.. it hit me like a beam of light, an epiphany, air -to someone who had been swimming under water for ages-. It was a bit like there had been a hole in my consciousness that had suddenly healed itself. Like I’d had a rogue extra limb that had been removed and I could finally stop thinking about it. What it was really, was an enormous sense of peace and calm and wholeness. So much so, that I kind of hoped my phone, which I didn’t know where it was at that time, had been lost for good. My phone is a bit weighty and when it was returned the next day, it felt heftier than ever.. an image came up on my facebook thread of a painting by William Blake, of a soul returning to its body. This psychic residue described exactly how I had felt the night before. I took a screen shot of it, and, a few days later, when my pay-as-you-go internet ran out, my epiphany evolved to the realisation that I did not have to top it up again.
It’s been two weeks now, and let me tell you, it’s been marvellous. The novelty is not wearing off. I have been walking around with an aura of clarity and presence, my pillow has never felt so fresh, my mornings so full of possibility. Was it a dream, was I in chains only days ago? It’s not important, what is, is that I’ve retuned the cogs of my own engine and that pseudo, life sapping, liver-fluke of a phone is no longer at the controls.
Each day, I allow my brain and my body to dictate what I am going to do with all this space, peace and possibility. The results being; me being present for my children, better meals, much more time spent playing, dancing, talking, creating. Reading! I hadn’t realised why I had had a block with reading books. The internet was the problem. I am really enjoying reading a collection of short stories by Anton Chekhov that I have had sitting on my shelf for months, and, I am totally engaged... no niggling feeling like there is something else I could be doing. I am writing a good bit more. I just made Betty a dress. Sofia helped me paint the end wall of the kitchen. I feel like I’m just beginning.
Some people can manage their time on the internet and still lead normal proactive lives, but I am not one of them. I am all or nothing. It suits me so much better to only log on when I go to the cafe in the morning, and go prepared with a list of what I need to do online. No needless scrolling. So it’s something that I hope to continue with and highly recommend.
Here are some pics from the last few days, including the screenshot of the William Blake
