03/12/2023
I may sound dramatic in here but this is how I let go of my emotions and or meditate and express myself,which I just couldn't do in person(being open personally(face to face) is a cringe feeling for me and though I open up sometimes I might regret it after and even while writing this,thinking if I post this.
I am nothing without God.
He sees me as His Child even though He's the only one who sees every single flaws that I have;He never judged, He's just silent in everything.No judgement.No criticisms.He's just there for me.
I ain't perfect,I am flawed and have had made mistakes that's against Him and His people.
I've been trying not to judged others but I just couldn't stop sometimes, I maybe a jealous one sometimes,I may act cold to those I loved because it's a cringe feeling,I really ain't a good person,I may asked sometimes why people who are kind(or at least trying to be kind because of their experiences)are taken advantage of,I admit that I am trying to hide my bad side from being seen by those who doesn't understand or know me.I've been a people pleaser,I tried to mirror others personality just so I can relate to them,I am sensitive that even if someone calls me Weird(intentionally or unintentionally)I get distant with that person because the feeling of being weird and knowing that you are is already a burden enough and believed me I questioned God sometimes why I am like this.I would avoid toxicity and would be awkward with that person and sometimes treats them differently.I am not a good person totally; imperfect,broken,crooked,sinner.
But God is with Me.And He always is with me,but I may not just listen to Him sometimes that's why I'm going on the wrong path or direction of life.
I am good for nothing without a purpose and to know your purpose in life you should have a motivation and direction-and God already provides those to me;my family, friends(including their sufferings) as my motivations and God is my Direction Himself.
