Still Becoming

Still Becoming Still Becoming is a personal space for reflections on growth, purpose, and becoming who we're meant to be — one honest step at a time.

16/03/2026

I’ve been reading a lot about “hustle culture” lately.

You know the narrative:
Don’t grind too hard.
Protect your peace.
Rest more.
Don’t chase money too much.

And I get it. Burnout is real. Our bodies are fragile. Life is more than work.

But sometimes I wonder if many of these conversations come from people who never had to climb from the bottom.

When you are born into poverty, the conversation feels different.

When there are no assets waiting for you.
No land to inherit.
No safety net behind you.
Just your skills, your time, and your will.

You can’t simply say “slow down.”
Because slowing down sometimes means your family pays the price.

So yes, I work.
And yes, sometimes I grind.

But over time I’ve realized something important.

The goal is not to grind forever.

The goal is to grind until you build leverage.

Skills.
Reputation.
Systems.
Ownership.
Assets that work even when you sleep.

Grinding without awareness destroys you.
But avoiding effort because of comfort destroys potential.

Some people are born with comfort.

Some people must build their comfort from scratch.

I happen to be part of the second group.

And that’s okay.

Because the grind, when chosen consciously, becomes something else entirely.

It becomes a forge.

Not the destination.

But the fire that shapes the person you are becoming.

I realized something today about partnerships, money, and fairness.A student reached out for a system. My “partner on pa...
16/03/2026

I realized something today about partnerships, money, and fairness.

A student reached out for a system. My “partner on paper” who is suppose to be the sales gave my account to the student. That meant I was supposed to handle everything — explanation, scope, pricing, payment, building — while he would get a cut. Weird, right?

At first, I could have just accepted it. But I realized something: I’m done being the fallback guy. Done shrinking myself for someone else’s comfort. Done giving away clarity and fairness just to satisfy someone else’s ego.

This isn’t about being cold or harsh. It’s about owning my lane, being honest with myself, and keeping my boundaries.

We don’t always resonate with the people we work with. That’s fine. Shared goals don’t erase differences in mindset. I’ve learned that emotions don’t have to dictate business, and clarity is worth more than forced harmony.

Right now, the reality hasn’t forced any outcomes yet. And that’s okay.

This is me learning how to stay grounded, honest, and true to myself, even when it feels messy.

10/03/2026

I saw a short video today that quietly changed how I understand love.

A woman shared how she had a wonderful 5-year relationship. They went on dates, had great conversations, laughed together, and everything seemed healthy. But when they got home, they lived parallel lives.

She would watch baseball in the living room.
He would go to his room and play video games.

For five years, that was their routine.

One day they finally talked about it and both admitted something surprising — they had felt the distance for a long time. Eventually they decided to end the relationship. She thought that was simply what love looked like.

Years later she reconnected with a college friend. They started spending time together and things slowly grew between them.

One day he asked, “Can I teach you how to play Magic: The Gathering?”

She wasn’t interested at all. But she said yes.

She didn’t understand most of the game. She lost every match. But while he was explaining the rules, she noticed something.

His face lit up.

And in that moment, she realized something profound:

Sometimes love isn’t just about sharing the same hobbies.
Sometimes love is simply giving the other person’s world a chance.

You may not understand it.
You may not even enjoy it.

But when you see the person you love come alive while sharing something they care about… you realize that love is also curiosity.

Love is saying,
“Show me what you love.”

And today that made me reflect on something in my own life.

Maybe loving someone deeply also means being willing to step into their world, even if it’s unfamiliar.

Not because you love the hobby.

But because you love the person.

I used to burn for people who didn’t want the fire.When I was teaching, I gave everything.I wanted my students to love p...
03/03/2026

I used to burn for people who didn’t want the fire.

When I was teaching, I gave everything.
I wanted my students to love programming the way I did.

But most of them didn’t.

I almost burned out trying to light candles that didn’t even want to be lit.

Six months after resigning, a former student messaged me.
He wants to learn. He wants to build his capstone. He has one month.

I asked him how much time he’s willing to invest.
I told him I would guide him — professionally.

Silence.

And I realized something:

I am no longer trying to save anyone.

The world works on exchange — effort for effort, value for value.
Free attracts curiosity.
Investment attracts commitment.

Being a nice guy is not the same as being authentic.

I don’t burn for people anymore.
I burn with them — if they are willing to bring their own fire.

19/02/2026

While eating lunch today, my boss came to us and said we should not be preparing food in the office anymore because bugs might come.

My first reaction?

That’s too restrictive.

Because of that, I can’t cook rice anymore.
I can’t prepare overnight oats.
I can’t eat wheat bread with mayonnaise at my desk.

That means I would have to go outside the office — fast food, expensive restaurants, spending more money.

And I didn’t come to work in the office far from my family for that.

I came here for deep work.
For focus.
To build something.

Not to waste money on trashy, overpriced food just because I’m not allowed to prepare simple meals for myself.

I felt resistance. I felt irritation.

But then it hit me.

The boss runs things.

He makes the decisions.

And he earned that position.

He did the work.
He earned the respect.
He earned the title.
He earned the wealth.

He earned the right to say, “Don’t do that here.”

Even if it costs us more.
Even if it feels inconvenient.
Even if we disagree.

And in that moment, I felt how small I really am.

Not that I didn’t know it before.

But I embodied it again.

I am not at the top.
I am not the decision-maker.
I am not the one carrying that level of responsibility.

I am still becoming.

And instead of letting that moment turn into bitterness, it turned into fuel.

Another notch in my belt.

Another reminder to work harder on myself.

To build my own capabilities.

To become a man I will be proud of someday.

Not someone who exercises power just because he earned it —
but someone who understands the weight of it.

It’s still a dream.
It’s still uncertain.
Nothing is guaranteed.

But today, my compass feels clearer.

I am still becoming.

And I still have a long way to go.

10/02/2026

Choosing solitude has given me more clarity than anything this life has offered me.

Before, I numbed myself just to survive — drowning out the noise of the world.
Now, even when the world is loud, the inner voice feels like a quiet symphony.
A reminder of the deeper truth of being human — one rooted in light.

Recently, someone I love deeply shared something that truly stayed with me.

My wife has been teaching our son and noticed how difficult it is for him to grasp certain lessons. It has been stressful for her — and I understand how heavy that can feel. Teaching a child takes patience, love, and emotional energy, especially when you care deeply about their future.

In that moment, I felt compassion for both of them.

For my son — who has only just arrived in this world, already navigating expectations he never asked for.
And for my wife — carrying her own conditioning, shaped by a world that teaches: be great, or be left behind; perform, or be judged.

Both come from love. And both come from fear.

I shared gently that love can exist without fear. That even the greatest love, when mixed with fear, can unintentionally cause harm — especially to those we care about the most.

That’s when I realized something deeper:

The world didn’t suddenly become this way.
It has always been like this.

Parents tying their child’s performance to worth.
Believing that falling behind means failure — for the child and for themselves.
Fearing judgment from others, as if it defines who they are.

And yet, so many of those judgments come from people who are themselves lost in comparison, unable to face their own reflections.

I’m learning how to stand in this world — even when the people I love are still learning how to flow with it.
I’m still learning. Still adjusting. Still listening inward.

Maybe this is just a phase.
But I won’t turn away from what feels true.

I still believe in the power of love — without conditions, without fear.
I still believe our deepest nature is light.

08/02/2026

A reflection I’ve been sitting with lately.

I’ve been pondering my emotions these past days — in solitude, grinding, trying to focus on deep work, still allowing myself to dream.

Then things broke at work.

I feel like I’m the one carrying the blame. I’m willing to take responsibility — but I also know systems don’t break because of one person. They break when many things fail at once. Still, the thoughts kept coming: What if this is the end? What if I get laid off? What if the company goes down?
All of it bombarding my mind at once.

That’s when I asked myself something painful.

Is all this fear coming from ambition?
From having dreams — not just for myself, but for my family?

What if I simply let go of all of it?
What if I lived a simpler life back home, even in poverty?
We could still eat three times a day. I could take easier jobs, with less responsibility, just enough for daily needs. And when I grow old, maybe my children could provide for me the way many parents before did.

And then I felt it — deeply.

Was I really about to crawl into that hole just because of one painful chapter?

Isn’t this exactly how life tests us — not through comfort, but through pressure?

If discipline, resilience, hard work, and grinding were cheap, then almost everyone would have made it by now.

That’s when I realized something:
Even if my dreams turn out to be nothing more than imagination… this journey is still shaping me.
Whether success comes in the way my mind expects or not, I know one thing — I won’t leave this furnace as the same person.

I thought about my family.
About how deeply I love them — even while choosing, for now, to walk this road away from home, alone.

And I asked myself:

When my children grow up and face hardship, would I want them to say,
“I’ll just accept this life. I won’t even try.”

Or:
“My father struggled too — and he kept choosing himself, even when scared.”

I may be laid off.
The company may go down.
I may return to where I once started financially.

I will grieve if that happens — surely.

But for now, I will face what’s in front of me. I won’t run away.
As long as there is still a chance, I’ll try to fix what I can — and let life be the judge afterward.

I don’t have all the answers yet.
But maybe, along the way, clarity will slowly find me.

Living on this earth naturally awakens ambition—the desire to become the best version of ourselves.There are many ways p...
07/02/2026

Living on this earth naturally awakens ambition—the desire to become the best version of ourselves.
There are many ways people choose to walk that path.

For me, it has been through deep work and solitude, away from my family.

It has been months now, and this journey has given me many realizations.

I grind day in and day out, and strangely, I look forward to each day.
The routine—working out, eating clean, jogging, deep work, cold baths, reading, learning—has become my anchor.

And yet, every second, my family is always in my heart.
I miss them. Deeply.

What I fear most is this:
that when all the dust settles, I still lose.
That I do not become the person I envisioned.
And worse—that I may have wounded the very people I chose to be strong for, simply by not being there during these moments.

I chose uncertainty, distance, and discipline—not out of escape, but out of ambition for a better life for us.

Living in this world is not easy.
We all carry our burdens differently.

I did not choose this path lightly.
There is no turning back now.

I carry my family with me—in every decision, every quiet hour, every step forward.
I know that it is not the destination that gives meaning, but the process that shapes us.

And whatever this path brings, I will embrace it—unconditionally.

Memento mori.

Distance and time cannot defeat love.
They only reveal its depth.

To those standing at their own crossroads: these moments are never easy.
But when the dust settles, they will become part of the story you are writing right now.

Stay epic, my brothers and sisters.

Reading Kingdom when general Mougou passed away and seeing how he have shape his son and grandson to be the great genera...
03/02/2026

Reading Kingdom when general Mougou passed away and seeing how he have shape his son and grandson to be the great general of the heavens, I remember something.

When I was a child, my father once told me that even if I climbed as high as a coconut tree, I would never surpass him—the one who gave birth to me.

I know now he may not have meant it the way it landed.
But as a child, it felt like a ceiling placed on my soul.

He was abusive. An alcoholic. He often scolded me, sometimes hit me, for not meeting his standards. I have forgiven him, and I love him unconditionally.
And yet, when I remember those words, there is still sadness.

Not anger. Just a quiet ache.

What hurt me wasn’t discipline—it was domination disguised as authority.
A father afraid of being surpassed does not raise strength; he raises limits.

I don’t want to pass that on.

I want my sons to know they can surpass anyone in this world—anyone—
not with arrogance, but with humility, responsibility, and unconditional love.

True strength isn’t standing above others.
It’s walking beside them, and stepping back when it’s their time to rise.

I’ve come to understand something with time.

What shaped me was not the pain itself,
but the awareness that grew around it.

Many of us are hurt, and we learn in our own way.
Some carry it forward.
Some slowly set it down.

I chose to listen closely to what life was asking of me.
To move with care.
To take responsibility without hardening my heart.

The sadness that still visits me now and then isn’t a flaw.
It’s a reminder that I stayed human.
That I stayed open.

And an open heart—when held with patience and intention—
is not weak.
It is steady.
It is kind.
It is how gentleness survives across generations.

I used to think the world didn’t need leaders.That if everyone just “woke up,” everything would work out. And I still be...
01/02/2026

I used to think the world didn’t need leaders.
That if everyone just “woke up,” everything would work out. And I still believe in that and yet that is still a far-cry to the current reality.

Reading Kingdom tonight gave me a quiet realization.

What people call divine in a king or leader isn’t superiority or magic.
It’s responsibility.

Ei Sei never stands above his people.
He stands with them — and steps forward when others hesitate.

In chaos, most people retreat.
A few choose to carry the weight anyway.

That’s why leadership exists.
Not because others are lesser,
but because not everyone is ready to hold responsibility.

We all have dignity.
We all have conscience.
But choosing responsibility is a different path.

Maybe the “light” we admire in leaders
is just someone taking ownership seriously.

And maybe the journey isn’t to feel special—
but to quietly carry what’s in front of us.

I heard something that stayed with me.- I’m realizing that real strength is the ability to remain conscious under pressu...
01/02/2026

I heard something that stayed with me.

- I’m realizing that real strength is the ability to remain conscious under pressure.
Force is easy. Awareness is rare.

- We compare ourselves to others when identity is unclear.
As self-understanding grows, the urge to measure fades.

- Silence makes us uncomfortable because it exposes what distraction hides.
In that space, unresolved thoughts become visible—
and visibility demands honesty.

- We are not ready to hear the truth.
Truth hurts because it challenges attachment.
And attachment is where illusions live.

- You could not change yourself or others through force.
Real change doesn’t need pressure.
It unfolds naturally as awareness deepens.

- Life’s meaning isn’t found in extraordinary moments,
but in how present we are for ordinary ones.
A simple life, fully lived,
holds more meaning than an extraordinary life lived unconsciously.

- Validation matters when self-trust is weak.
When self-understanding grows,
the need for external approval falls away.

Inspired by Bruce Lee’s philosophy and I found it very profound.
A note to myself on the path.

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