tots ng aking mga alter

tots ng aking mga alter maligayang pagdating sa magulong mundo ng aking isip

you seem so livelyfor a girl who once wanted to dieit’s a line that echoes in my head,like a quiet accusationevery time ...
14/04/2026

you seem so lively
for a girl who once wanted to die

it’s a line that echoes in my head,
like a quiet accusation
every time I laugh too loud,
every time I find joy in the smallest, most ordinary things

sometimes I wonder
if I’ve just gotten better at pretending
or if I’ve learned how to carry it
so well that it no longer shows

I tried to be kinder,
softer..
as if goodness could earn me a place somewhere..
higher
as if it could make up for the quiet ways
I’ve wished to disappear

but the truth is—
I am living proof
that wanting it all to end
doesn’t always look like tears
or breaking down in the dark

sometimes it looks like laughter
like showing up
like being “okay”

sometimes it only takes a single, silent realization
a fleeting thought that lingers too long,
that maybe..
I was never meant to be here at all.

it's been a while and i'm still dramatic as fudge
d;m

pps: i miss this sm.

15/02/2026

if you made it through the days you thought would break you, you can make it through the ones that are simply asking you to try again.

:)))

08/11/2025

"𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙤?"

ako.

ako ang multo ko.

my indifference tuwing ramdam kong may mamamaalam.
my avoidance tuwing may hindi ako maiparamdam.
my lapses.
for not knowing how to say goodbye.
and for not knowing how to stay.

for ghosting everyone.

for ghosting even myself.

ako.

ako ang multo ko.

y.k.

06/11/2025

inabot na naman ako ng umaga kakasubok hanapin ang pahinga.
gusto ko nang matulog, pero takot ang antok na dalawin ako

ang daming gumugulo, ang daming hindi pa rin tapos kahit pagod na ako.
akala ko kapag lumipas ang gabi, sasama rin niya yung bigat,
pero heto pa rin, sumasabay sa pagtilaok ng umaga.

minsan gusto ko na lang huminto, kahit sandali,
para maramdaman ulit kung ano yung gaan.
pero ayun nga —
pahinga ang gusto,
takot ang kapalit.

nananawagang eyebags,

d;m

05/11/2025

i thought i had outgrown this.
the quiet habit of turning feelings into lines,
the late nights spent chasing metaphors
that sound too much like me.

but here i am again,
still trying to name the ache,
still tracing back to the part of me
that never stopped writing,
only rested.

and maybe that’s what this is —
not starting over,
but returning.
to the softness i once hid,
to the words that once saved me.

d;m

05/11/2025

people think i write because i love words.
but really, i write because feelings don’t know where else to go.
it’s not art.
it’s a release.

d;m

25/08/2025

Isusugal ko ang lahat ng idlip
para sa sandaling sulyap—

sa tinig,
sa hulma ng mukha,
sa pakiramdam ng ’yong paghinga.

ayaw makalimot,
y.k.

07/08/2025

They said I’d forget.
That time would do its thing.
But it’s been years,
and I still feel..
13.

d;m

13/07/2025

her phone buzzed.
1 missed call.
his name,
but no message.

she stared, smiled.
almost called back—
but didn’t.

he stared too,
watched the “seen” on last night’s meme.
almost sent “good morning”—
but didn’t.

they keep almosts like secrets,
collected in quiet moments,
hoping one day,
someone finally presses “send.”

d;m

𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙙𝙢𝙞𝙧𝙚... 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧.I’ve always been amazed by how my father could fix almost anything ...
10/07/2025

𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙙𝙢𝙞𝙧𝙚... 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧.

I’ve always been amazed by how my father could fix almost anything — appliances, wiring, sirang parte ng bahay, even the car when no one else knew what was wrong. His hands just knew. May diskarte, may tiwala sa sarili. It’s like life taught him to survive through tools, repairs, and instincts. And I truly believe — if he had more in life, he could’ve been more. He was built for better.

But while I admire how he could fix anything that’s broken, I’ve also seen how easily he can break the things that matter most. Hindi gamit, kundi tao. His words.. sharp, careless, heavy, left deeper cracks than any broken pipe ever did. He knew how to solve problems, but not always how to handle emotions. And sometimes, that made home feel like walking on scattered tools — you never know what you’re about to step on.

That’s where the confusion comes in. Mahal ko siya. I really, really do. He’s a part of me — the man who carried so much, gave what he could, and tried in the only way he knew how. Pero kahit anong pagtatakip, hindi mabubura yung sakit. Kasi minsan, siya rin yung dahilan ng mga lamat. Yung galit, yung takot, yung pagkakahiwa-hiwalay. And maybe that’s what hurts the most...knowing someone so capable, so strong, could also be the one who made us feel the weakest.

What’s worse is seeing parts of him in me. The temper. The sharp tongue. The shutdowns. And I hate that. Kasi sa dami ng puwedeng mamana, bakit ‘yun pa? And it’s such a painful combination. ‘Yung galit na namana ko sa kanya, tapos ‘yung puso ko, parang nakuha ko naman sa nanay. A soft, bleeding heart paired with a fire that burns too fast. Ang pangit diba? Parang ako na nga ‘yung sumisigaw, ako pa rin ‘yung unang umiiyak pagkatapos. It feels like I’m constantly at war with myself — the fire I didn’t ask for, and the softness I can’t protect.

I love my father. But I don’t want to be him.

I want to be someone who knows how to fix without hurting, to speak without scarring, to lead without fear. And maybe that’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to learn — not how to repair broken things,

but how to unlearn the breaking.

careless man's careful daughter,
d;m

30/06/2025

𝑰'𝒎 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆’𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆.

If someone were to place me in a room with everyone you’ve ever met—those who came before and after— 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰’𝒎 𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅. Whether it’s somewhere in the middle or at the farthest row, I won’t raise my hand when they ask for names that mattered most to you. I won’t lean forward hoping to be seen. I’d just sit still, hands in my lap, watching quietly, because I’ve long accepted that not all stories need to be front and center to be felt. I know I won’t be the loudest memory.But I also know I’m not forgettable.

Sometimes, I hear my name slipped into old conversations,mentioned softly when something reminds you of me.
Sometimes, someone still says they miss my voice,or the way I used to laugh at the wrong moments. And that’s enough.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈.

And if all I ever am is a quiet kind of presence—
one that’s recalled in small moments, not the loudest ones—
then I’m fine with that. Truly,𝑰 𝒂𝒎.

sincerely,
d;m

Uminom ako ng kape. Naalala ko kung paanong naging paborito ko ito tuwing dapit-hapon—kung paanong basta mo na lang sasa...
29/06/2025

Uminom ako ng kape. Naalala ko kung paanong naging paborito ko ito tuwing dapit-hapon—kung paanong basta mo na lang sasabihin, “tara, kape tayo,” kahit tirik ang araw, kahit mapapakunot ang noo ng makakarinig. Kasi sino nga ba ang magkakape sa ganong init? Pero wala eh, naging atin 'yon. Naging pahinga sa gitna ng araw. Naging dahilan para maupo, para huminto, para pag-usapan ang kahit anong wala.

Ngayon, tuwing may nagyayayang magkape, parang naririnig ko pa rin ang boses mo — hindi man eksaktong tono, pero sapat para bumigat ‘yung pakiramdam. May kasamang sumbat na hindi binabanggit, pero alam ko. Galing sa loob. Galing sa mga hindi ko na nasabi, sa mga pinili kong hindi itama. Kaya simula noon, nag-iba ang lasa ng kape — hindi lang ‘yung pait ng kapeng walang asukal, kundi ‘yung lasang may buhat, may alaala, may pagsisisi.

Pero umiinom pa rin ako. Sapagkat kahit nandoon ka pa rin sa bawat higop, alam kong tapos na ako sa panandaliang paglimot. Tapos na ako sa pagtatanggi na may nawala. Tapos na ako sa pag-akala na wala akong kinalaman kung bakit naging espesyal ang isang bagay na kasing simple lang sana ng kape.

At ngayon, kahit mag-isa na lang akong umiinom, kaya ko na. Hindi dahil wala ka na, kundi dahil natutunan kong lasapin ang kape nang hindi na kailangang balikan kung sino ang kasama ko noong una ko itong minahal.

nagsasawsaw ng pandesal sa kape,
d;m

ps: draft na to dati pa, college gurlie na ako uy eme

Address

Sariaya
Quezon
4322

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when tots ng aking mga alter posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category