17/03/2024
🥀 Far from "Home" 🥀
The pandemic's sudden intrusion into our daily lives has inevitably taken a lot of things from us, with its effects lasting for years to come. It's quite hard to believe that it's been 4 years since the rise of the COVID-19 pandemic, no? Sometimes it feels like it never happened at all, yet its effects can still be felt today. Personally, I've always been an introvert, I still am now, and it's always been my choice to enjoy my own company and peace. But to have that choice forcefully made for me, to not be allowed to see friends in person for years? It was depriving and I've been deprived of many things during the pandemic.
But the biggest loss I've had would be "home".
Living in a broken, toxic household meant I had little comfort and belonging during that crisis. I was in the company of my family, yes, but I had never felt at "home" living in this house. "Home" was something I was constantly seeking outside of this physical abode. "Home" was essentially the company of friends or even ex-partners. "Home" was the little moments of happiness where I was able to smile or laugh. "Home" was walking outside and gazing up at the clouds or the few stars scattered in the night sky.
"Home" to me was freedom.
And I was robbed of my freedom. Of my "home".
Even now, I look back on it and I see how little of "home" I really had because of how the pandemic affected me. To be honest, I didn't have much of it even before the pandemic happened, so I've truly felt the weight of my losses. But you know what? I'm grateful for those losses. They were forcefully taken from me, yes, but I've started to see the value and the importance of loss in our lives as a whole, not just what we lost during the pandemic. I'm glad to say that as I've grown, my "home" has been growing too and I wouldn't have grown without all the losses I've had. My "home" was stripped away from me and I built it back up again with my own two hands, choosing to remove and lose some things in my new home that no longer served me. Through cultivating my "home", I was able to embark on a journey of self-discovery; discovering everything that was meant for me and everything I wanted to decorate my "home" with.
The pandemic has abolished the "homes" of many others.
But the demolition of my "home" allowed me to work on the foundation of a new one.
✒️🎨: Ani Aliola
