12/01/2025
How I Stopped Being Stuck in a Rut
As I was asking myself, “Why am I lazy? Why am I not loving and taking care of myself and others better?” I came across a TikTok video saying, “To stop being stuck in a rut and being lazy, you have to forgive yourself.”
Immediately, thoughts of all my failures came flashing back at me. I thought, “oh boy, maybe I really deserve the rut I’m in.”
After watching a lot of “how to fight laziness” videos, I thought ‘wow that’s new, but how do I forgive myself?’ As a Christian who attended so many services and heard many sermons, I really should’ve known and been so sure about this, but why didn’t I? After all, the Gospel is about the forgiveness of sins through Jesus, right?
And so, this is the story of how God personally revealed to me the amazing truth of how He offers grace and forgiveness to those who repent and love Jesus.
I have always been the kind of person who’s wary of hurting others. I strived to never cause harm or stress to others, so I thought I never really did anything that would require me to ask for forgiveness. However, something I’m aware of is that we, as Christians, are called to bear fruit. And I believe that I never have and never did bear fruit.
And so, the story of Jesus cursing the fig tree scares me. I’ve always beaten myself up for all the times I failed to share the Good News to friends and family. I kept living a life where I know Jesus is my Lord and Savior, but I never really put the effort to declare and share it to other people. I actually tried sometimes, but cowardice, laziness, and shyness overcame me. I know it is “the one thing” God wants me to do, but I just couldn’t and wouldn’t— and that’s the sin I couldn’t forgive myself for.
And then I came across a TikTok video of Monique Thomas sharing the story of how Jesus forgave Peter after denying Jesus three times. And it went like this:
“Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Jesus asked Peter.
“Yes, Lord. You know I love thee,” Peter answered.
“Then feed My sheep,” Jesus said.
I felt as if it is a question Jesus has for all of us who repents. He shows mercy and forgiveness. I think I never really had a true sense of what repentance is before that night. Truly, God is loving me in spite of me. He is so kind and gracious to give me another chance to start a new life with Him, following Him, feeding His sheep.
And how beautiful it is that while offering forgiveness, Jesus also prayed for Peter beforehand to have the faith to overcome his denials. Now, when I ask myself, “Do I really deserve living a good life after all the times I failed God? Should I start living a better life?” I will choose to remember and hear the words of Jesus:
“But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers.” - Luke 22:32
Photo Credit: Christ in Gethsemane, Heinrich Hofmann, 1886