22/02/2022
RIP - Nightbirde (Jane Marczewski) - safe in His arms!
“It’s been a while since I have felt fully awake. Pain can be so surreal and disorienting that I often feel like an observer of my own life, and not a participant of it.
In the past 20 months, my most vibrant hopes and deepest fears have been poured onto the same canvas. I stare into the chaos of it. My ears are ringing. The universe offered herself to me, then cut off my hands.
I think about the dreams my heart has carried since I was little. Dreams of singing to the whole world at once; writing words that sink so deep they don’t need to be remembered; being a truth-teller, a hope-holder, a strength-sharer. Wait, am I in the dream?
It’s not how wanted it, but this is the dream. I’m in it. It’s happening now.
I thought it would be sparklier than this. I didn’t imagine standing before of the world with so many bruises. I didn’t imagine that in my shining moment I’d be suffering in front of an audience. I’ve always expected miracles. I thought the miracle would be that I could skip to the end, spared of pain. I thought the miracle would make me scar-free, brand new.
I did get a miracle—just not the one I wanted. I get to look for light and find it. I get to see how much love can endure. I get to walk the journey with thousands of people like me, who can’t stop hoping, no matter how hard we try.
If we only take the miracles that taste sweet, I don’t think we’ll ever taste one. If we wait until we have the perfect song, I don’t think we’ll ever sing. Don’t miss it—it’s now. We are in the miracle, we are in the dream.”
